Although I would never admit it, I don’t mind too much if someone calls when I’m on holiday. I just don’t answer it if I don’t want to talk to them. Most people only ring if it’s an emergency and they know I answer when I can.

It’s close to Christmas, and I get a phone call from an unknown number. I’m expecting a delivery so I answer it. 

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name]! It’s [Coworker]. From work!”

Me: “Oh, hey, [Coworker]. I’m actually on holiday, so…”

Coworker: “Good news! You won a prize in the raffle.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. So, what did I win?”

Coworker: “Some flowers!”

Me: “Oh, yeah, great. Since I’m not in, do you want to see if anyone else wants them?”

Coworker: “Well, my wife would like them.”

It all makes sense. [Coworker] never would ring me. He must have figured out he could get them for free. I bet he pretends he bought them.

Me: “Sure, [Coworker], whatever.”

Coworker: “Oh, great. Thank you!”

I set my phone down and do something else. My wife calls through from the other room.

Wife: “Your phone is ringing.”

Me: “Does it end in [numbers]?”

Wife: “Yeah.”

Me: “That will be work. I’ll leave it.”

Wife: “You’ve had three missed calls already.”

I answer it, reluctantly.

Coworker: “Hi, it’s [Coworker] again. [Boss] said the prizes weren’t transferable. Said you won it so I couldn’t have it.

Me: “Okay, well, leave it on my desk, then.”

Coworker: “But they will die.”

Me: “Put them in water? I don’t know. I don’t care, really.”

Coworker: “Fine, I guess.”

I eventually went back to work. Thankfully, it looks like the cleaners tidied the flowers up before I got back.

Someone told me later that the flowers weren’t even expensive; they were the cheapest bunch you could buy. [Coworker] interrupted my holiday so he could give his wife a £2 bunch of flowers.

After a family emergency, I’m asked to look after my little nephew. I decide to take him to the seaside to keep him occupied.

He has a great day. We walk the beach and the pier, go on rides, and have lunch. On the way back to the car, we walk past a sweets and ice cream shop.

I agree he can buy something small for later. Unfortunately, he spots a massive peanut butter cookie cake sitting by the till. He’s tired and wants sweets, and he starts to get a little upset when I tell him he needs to pick something else that’s smaller.

Something too big would make him sick, he’s not allowed peanut butter, and we agreed on a LITTLE something.

Cashier: “We have smaller cookies in that style.”

Me: “Actually, what other flavours do you have?”

Nephew: *Getting more upset* “But I wanted that one.”

Me: “Look! They have lots more over here; this one is your favourite.”

Nephew: “I want that one.”

Me: “We’ve been over this; you need to choose another one. Look, they have cookie lollies over here.”

From behind us, this old woman chimes in.

Old Woman: “Oh, just give him the one he wants, for Pete’s sake!”

Me: “Look, this has nothing to do with you. You’re confusing him.”

Old Woman: “Fine, I’ll buy it, then!” *To my nephew* “Can’t have you going without, cutie.”

Me: “Don’t you dare. Mind your own business.”

By this point, my nephew is confused and more upset than he would have been. I order him a few different flavours and cheer him up with a promise of one more ride.

We go outside. 

Me: “How is your cookie?”

Nephew: “Mmm, good!

Me: “I’m sorry you couldn’t have the one you wanted, but you know your mum doesn’t like you having it.”

Nephew: “I know. It just looked so good.”

After several stops to look at stray caterpillars, retie shoelaces, etc., the old woman catches us up.

Old Woman: “Here you are, cutie. I bought this for you.”

She tries to hand him a paper bag, but he hides behind me. I open it up to see a single peanut butter cookie inside.

Me: “Seriously? I’ve told you to mind your own business. He can’t have peanuts. How hard is it for you to mind your own business?!”

Old Woman: “Oh, nonsense. One little cookie won’t hurt.”

Me: “Yes! Yes, it will!”

I thrust the cookie back at her and left in a hurry. She started to shout after me that I was a bad parent, something about allergies being fake, and other nonsense. Thankfully, my nephew seemed to not be as bothered and the rest of the day was salvaged.

I did a bit of teaching before I realised that it just wasn’t for me. I loved educating and some of the kids were great. The others drove me up the wall and out of teaching altogether. There is nothing like working long hours for low pay — even spending your own money — to try to help someone, only to have it repeatedly thrown back in your face.

A few years later, I’m shopping for a new car, and who do I see but a former student, [Employee], one of the rudest, most arrogant, horrible souls I’ve ever met. He was completely capable of the work but just liked to be a smarta*** and hated to see others get on. He caused constant interruptions, had zero work ethic, and was a bully and a cheater. 

[Employee] looks at me and clearly recognises me but he doesn’t seem to be sure from where. It looks like he is the only employee available. Great.

Me: “I’m looking for a small run around, something fuel-efficient, so low CO2 emissions and low tax. It’s for a company car.”

Employee: “Okay, well, err…. We do have… Hang on. Yes, a good deal on [Model #1] at the moment. Price starts from—”

Me: “Let me stop you there. You are not listening. I want a small, efficient, low-tax car. [Model] is a large car, completely unsuitable for what I asked.”

Employee: “Yes, but the deals on at the moment—”

Me: “I don’t care about the deals. I’ve seen the prices. I need a small, fuel-efficient car. That means low CO2. [Model #1] will cost me more in tax than I would save with a smaller car.”

Employee: “Oh, I, err, have to ask my manager.”

He disappears for some time. He clearly has not changed since his school days. He never could listen to people then.

Employee: “Okay, so I talked to my manager, and we do have a second offer on [Model #1]; it is a lease contract.”

Me: “I just told you I don’t want [Model #1]. [Model #2], [Model #3], and [Model #4] are all far more suitable. Why are you pushing something that I told you I have no interest in? I already said it’s a business car, so it would be business finance.”

Employee: “Well, [Model #1] does have the best deals at the moment.”

Me: “Boring!”

Employee: “What?”

Me: *Louder* “Boring, not listening!”

Employee: “Come on, mate. I’m just trying to do my job!”

The irony is lost on him completely.

Manager: “Is there a problem here?”

Me: “Yeah, can I get another salesperson? This one is incapable of listening.”

Manager: “Oh, sure. Why don’t you step into my office and I will see if I can help?”

I don’t know if [Employee] ever figured out who I was, but it did feel good to give him some of his own medicine. The manager sorted out a great little car for me in no time at all. It’s not so hard when you actually listen, I guess!

I’m working as tech support for a company that sells bespoke hardware amongst other things. One of these items is a pay machine that lets you pay and select the amount/type/colour of copies for MFDs — multi-function devices. It basically lets you scan/print/copy/fax, etc.

A couple of these have been sold for a council (think local county) up in the midlands for them to use in their library, so people can come in and use it as part of a self-serve system for prints. We get a call in the office.

Me: “Hello, [Company] helpdesk.”

Librarian: “Hi. The print machine isn’t working.”

Me: “It’s not working? Can you explain its behaviour?”

Librarian: “The screen isn’t turning on, but the box is on.”

The product requires TWO power connectors: one for the metal box section that contains and takes the money and the second for the screen attached to the box section. The screen is kind of an afterthought, from the looks of it.

We go through some basic troubleshooting steps so I can try and narrow down the possible causes: firm connections, wall socket is switched on, and yes, turn it off and on again.

Me: “Can you please check the barrel connector on the back of the screen for power? Just to check that it hasn’t come out?”

Librarian: “Oh, I’m not confident with touching any of that.”

Since we can’t remote onto these — not yet, that came much later — someone is going to have to go on-site to have a look. No prizes for guessing who goes.

I end up going to the library, which is roughly two and a half hours on the train from London to the site — the roads are worse, so it’s not an option to drive — and I end up leaving at 8:30 am to get there in a decent time in case there is a legitimate issue.

I haul a rucksack full of spares and my toolbox in the middle of summer. I get there, dehydrated and sweating like a pig, only to come in, take my rucksack off, and peek round the back of the screen on the unit to see the barrel connector is loose but still inside the case because of the size of the slot. I sort the “problem” in two minutes and head back to the office. Once in, I flop down in my seat, exasperated, and close the ticket.

Manager: “Did you manage to fix the problem?”

Me: “Yeah, it wasn’t plugged in on the screen’s side.”

Cue laughter from the entirety of the support desk, all eight of us.

A five-hour train ride for a two-minute fix. Honestly…

In my previous job, toward the end of my employment, lockdown occurred, and I ended up working from home. I’d go about my work as usual, with calls routed to a company mobile.

Me: “Hi, [Company] helpdesk.”

Caller: “Hi, my [Program] isn’t working properly. Can you remote on and fix it?”

I run the user through the basic troubleshooting, which takes an odd twenty minutes on its own, because they aren’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, and going through the troubleshooting steps is like pulling teeth. I decide at this point it’s probably easier to remote on.

Me: “Okay, on the desktop there should be an icon for Teamviewer. Can you click on that, please? It should give you a nine-digit number.”

Caller: “What? Teams?”

Me: “No, no, not Teams, Teamviewer.”

I make sure I articulate the words so they hear it all.

Caller: “Teams? I already have Teams open. I can’t see the number.”

Me: “It should be Teamviewer; the icon should be a blue square with a white circle in it and a double-ended arrow.”

Caller: “This is too hard. Can you remote on and do it?”

Me: “I can’t remote on without that program, so I need you to open that to allow me access.”

Caller: “Can’t you remote on and open it?”

Me: “…”

This call went on for at least another HOUR. This wasn’t the first or last time I had a call like this. I’m so glad I left that job. It was atrocious.

Related:
Not Even Remotely Getting It