(My boss is a technophobe but also an old friend, so when he has a computer issue, be it his daughters IPod or a work related issue, it normally falls down to me. Also note that I have no training or experience with IT.)

Boss: *yelling* “[My Name], come here, please.”

Me: “Yep?”

Boss: “How do you do that thing with your Hotmail?”

Me: “The what with the what?”

Boss: *getting stressed* “The code thing. I can’t get into my account!”

Me: “Sounds like a security issue. Let me see.”

(He types Google into the search bar, then Hotmail into Google, before clicking the link to the main site instead of the ‘log in’ option.)

Me: “Okay, so log in.”

Boss: “No, it wont let me.I don’t think you can do it.”

Me: “Just log in.”

Boss: *still irate* “See! See! It needs a code. You won’t be able to fix it. I knew it.”

Me: “Okay, click this.”

Boss: “You do it.”

Me: “Okay, so we need to set up a secondary email.”

Boss: “No. I don’t want to lose my emails.”

Me: “No, you won’t. It states there that you can still access your emails. I will use your work email.” *does it* “…Okay, you should get an email soon.”

Boss: *high fives me* “Oh, you are good!”

Me: “We’re not there yet. Open the email, and okay, it should direct you…”

(The link eventually opens into the account page, titled ‘account’.)

Boss: *head in his hands* “No, this isn’t it. I knew it.”

Me: *I struggle with the navigation; he gets more worked up* “Just click out and sign in.”

(It worked!)

Me: “Okay, so that is set up. You will get another email soon with the code information. All you have to do is follow the instructions.”

(What felt like the longest five minutes of my life was over when…)

Boss: “So, how do I do my wife’s account?”

Me: “You wife had the same message?”

Boss: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, you do what we have done here. Set up a secondary email and wait for the code.”

Boss: “No. No, I will call you.”

(It was even harder the second time. He had learnt nothing from me showing him, but this time I couldn’t take over.)

(As part of my job I investigate and purchase new technologies. I am investigating a new data entry device. The company who sells it sends their sale manager to demo the unit.)

Sales Manager: “So, as you can see it couldn’t be simpler. Just push the button and it will write to an active window.”

Me: “Great, this seems exactly what we need.”

Sales Manager: “Great! How about I leave this one with you; you can try it out and let me know how many you want.”

(A couple of weeks pass. It seems nearly perfect, apart from one thing…)

Me: *on phone* “Hi, it’s [My Name]. I had a question about the equipment you lent me.”

Sales Manager: “Okay…”

Me: “We have to have the data create a column instead of a row.”

Sales Manager: “…Er, yeah, that should be easy enough. Let me get back to you.”

(We exchange several emails and several calls and after a month I’m no closer to an answer.)

Sales Manager: *on phone* “Hi, [My Name], about this data issue you’re having.”

Me: “Oh, hi. Yes, I was going to call you about this. You see—”

Sales Manager: “Yes. I’ve spoken to my manager and the company who makes it. I have had the experts look through all of the paperwork. What you need just can’t be done.”

Me: “Well, actually, I just figured it out.”

Sales Manager: “…What?”

Me: “Yes, I got fed up of waiting, so I tried the various settings and it works.”

Sales Manager: “I… well. I can only apologise. I will send an email to head office. That, that is very embarrassing seeing as you’ve never seen it before…”

Me: “No problem. Just pop in when you are next in the area.”

(He did drive over and again was very embarrassed and very apologetic. He said that this was the first time a customer was able to teach him about one of his products!)

(My boss knows I used to work for an inspection company and is trying to exploit that.)

Boss: “Ring them up and get it done for next week.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll try, but I know they are very busy and get booked up months in advance.”

Boss: “Just get it done.”

(I ring them up.)

Me: *on phone* “Hi, it’s [My Name]. Do you have any spare slots for some work next week?”

Receptionist: “Sorry, [My Name], we are booked solid for the next three months.”

Me: “No problem; I figured as much. Please let me know of any cancellations.”

(I hang up and go to tell my boss.)

Me: “Sorry, boss, they are booked solid. They just don’t have anyone spare.”

Boss: “No! You ring them up and tell them to do it.”

Me: “Tell them to do it? They choose what work they want to do; they are a multi-million pound company. They won’t jump to my order.”

Boss: “Just do it!”

(I give up ring again and email all week. Thankfully, as I know the MD, he personally does the work for us despite everything.)

Me: “Here are the results you wanted. They have colour-coded everything you asked for.”

Boss: “Tell them to do this as well.”

Me: “No.”

Boss: “Do it.”

Me: “No. The MD of the company did me a massive favour when they were exceptionally busy. If you want to order around someone far more senior than you, you ring him.”

Boss: “I… err.”

Me: “Besides, I happen to know he is off on holiday now.”

Boss: *suddenly calm* “Okay then, [My Name], it doesn’t matter.”

(And after that he was fine again, I’m still here nearly a year later, although I do have to have a go every once in a while when he blows up.)

(Part of my job is ordering equipment.)

Boss: “Where is that package from [Supplier]?”

Me: “I’ve spoken to them; apparently they shipped it last week.”

Boss: “That’s not good enough! Ring them again!”

Me: “If they have shipped it, I’m not sure what anyone can do.”

Boss: “Just sort it!”

(I ring them back and low and behold, they have shipped it already and can do nothing. Speaking with our stores team I find that there is a problem…)

Me: “Hey boss, Just found out that the company has been redirecting our mail, so that package is probably at the other site. I will—”

Boss: *interrupting* “No! No, you don’t understand. They don’t do that. You’re making excuses again.”

Me: “Yes, yes they do. Look.” *I hand him an old envelope* “When a letter or parcel is sent to us it automatically gets redirected.”

(There is a large ‘redirection’ sticker on the front with the other address on it.)

Boss: “No, you don’t get it. This is something else.”

Coworker: *overhearing* “Yes, that’s the case. There was an email sent out all about it.”

Boss: *irate* “Look, they do not redirect our mail! That is only when you put the address on wrong.”

(I lean over plucking the letter from the old envelope still in his hand.)

Me: “Seems okay.” *read out address; it is perfect*

Boss: “Whatever. Just get me that package!”

(If he had let me finish I would have told him that I had asked the store-man to pick it up. The package was dropped off less than an hour later.)

(Being ‘on-call’ means that you get paid a little extra to answer your phone when at home and come in when needed over the weekend. My boss decides to take this from me due to ‘budget cuts.’)

Boss: “I tried to call you this weekend.”

Me: “Oh, did you? I didn’t have my phone with me.”

Boss: “We had a major issue; I needed you to come in.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, I was out with the family, so even if I took my phone I wouldn’t have had reception.”

Boss: “Not good enough! You need to have your phone with you at all times!”

Me: “Yeah… I’m not going to do that. When you paid me call out, I took it everywhere, on holiday, to the gym; I would have my phone by me all day and night, and always answer it no matter the time. Now that you’re not paying me, there is no chance I’m doing it for free.”

Boss: *suddenly silent* “Oh, I… uh… forgot about that. Do you want to go back on call?”

Me: “No, I don’t think I do.”

(Despite the drop in pay, it was the best decision I made, I had my weekends back and finally got a break from work.)