Levelling Up Requires Blood

, , , , , | Romantic | January 26, 2019

(My sister has MS and can be a little clumsy. One day she is sharpening kitchen knives and misses the sharpener. She ends up slicing her hand severely. She wraps it in a towel and walks to a back room where her fiancé is playing a multiplayer, fantasy-based computer game.)

Sister: “Hey. I cut my hand and you need to drive me to the emergency room.”

Fiancé: “Okay.” *yet continues to play the game*

(She figures that he needs to establish a stopping place, so she leaves to wait by the door. After ten minutes, he still hasn’t come. She gets up and goes back to the room.)

Sister: “[Fiancé]!” *places her hand in the bloodied towel next to the keyboard* “I need to go to the emergency room now.” *points to the towel*

Fiancé: *seeing the blood* “Oh, my God!”

(He rushed her over to the emergency room and her hand is fine. He now has to live this one down with the family because we all ask, “What did you hear the first time?!”)

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About To Be NewlyDead

, , , , | Romantic | January 1, 2019

(After dating a year and a half, my fiancé and I are planning our wedding, or rather I am. My husband mentions he wants to hire some of his friends who run a photography and DJ business. Other than that, he generally says, “Whatever you want, dear.” All my efforts to get him more involved with any other aspects come to naught. I ask him to contact his friend while I do all the other bits. As the wedding date comes closer, I realize he hasn’t contacted his friends; he’d expected me to do that, as well, since I was the one “planning everything.” I freak out a little because it is so close to the wedding and his friends are now booked up. I scramble to find replacements for the photographer and DJ. At this point my husband-to-be catches on to how stressful the planning has been, and the following conversation occurs.)

Fiancé: “You are really stressing out over this, aren’t you? You know you don’t have to do it all on your own.”

(I feel the ball of stress that has been sitting in my chest for the last few weeks loosening a little bit.)

Me: “Thank you, I—“

Fiancé: *continuing his thought* “Just ask my mom for whatever help you need!”

(So close, yet so spectacularly missing the point.)

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Getting Cross-Eyed At The Crossing

, , , | Romantic | November 22, 2018

(My fiancé and I are in the car with my fiancé in the driver’s seat. We are heading down a long road that has at least two traffic light crossings very close together. As we are approaching the first set of lights, they turn red, but the car is not slowing down. Slightly panicked, I alert my fiancé.)

Me: *voice rising in pitch* “You’re going to run a red light, [Fiancé]!”

(He slams on the brakes and comes to a sharp halt just before the crossing, staring ahead.)

Fiancé: “That could’ve been bad.”

(I notice that on the other side of the crossing, waiting for the light to turn green, is a police car.)

Me: “I can’t believe you almost ran a red light in front of a cop! Did you not see that it was red?”

Fiancé: *sheepishly* “All I saw was green. I saw the cop car… just not the red light.”

Me: “Are you colourblind?”

(My fiancé eventually explains that he was looking ahead at the second crossing, which was green, and completely forgot about the crossing he was approaching. He was very glad I stopped him from running a red light in full view of a police car. This will make for a great story to bring up next time he criticises my driving skills.)

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She Is Your True Call Of Duty

, , , , | Romantic | October 21, 2018

(My fiancé, while loving and caring, is not big on verbal declarations of love and affection. He is playing an FPS game and just lost a timed mission with a margin of two seconds.)

Fiancé: “I hate my life!”

Me: “But I’m in your life!”

Fiancé: “I hate my life a little bit less now!”

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The Church Is Hangry

, , , | Romantic | October 17, 2018

My boyfriend and I are a multilingual couple. My first language is English, his first language is French, and the first language that we started talking to each other in was Polish, in which we’re both semi-conversational. We’re both also studying each others’ first languages to improve our communication, and between our three languages have sort of calibrated our normal conversations.

We are planning on getting married next year, and our church requires a private interview with the priest in preparation for marriage. The priest doesn’t know either of us, and speaks English fairly well, but not perfectly, and doesn’t speak any French. Our Polish isn’t really up to the high-level vocabulary of the interviews, so it’s all in English. When we’re interviewing together, everything is fine.

When it’s my turn to interview alone, we have a few difficult moments where the priest phrases a question in a weird way or pronounces a word such that I have to ask for him to repeat it a few times for me to understand, such as, “Are you agree with the church teaching about XYZ?” But overall, it’s okay. As we end the interview, I tell the priest that my boyfriend might have a bit of difficulty understanding him if he speaks very quickly, and the priest says he’s realized that and promises to speak slowly.

I sit outside the office and wait for my boyfriend’s interview to be over. After about ten minutes, the priest opens the office door and asks me if I know another word for “permanent” in French. I tell him no, but offer my phone for Google translating. He shuts the door and the interview continues for a while.

When it’s over, my boyfriend explains that the difficulty was that he heard the question as, “Are you angry with the church teaching about marriage being permanent?”

He replied, “No.”

It took a fair amount of repetition for the priest to clear that particular question up, and I learned that my boyfriend has a lot of difficulty hearing the differences between, “agree,” “angry,” and, “hungry.”

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