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Credited With Bad Advice

, , , , , , | Working | July 21, 2014

(We are a young married couple. Both of us are employed and reasonably well paid, but my wife and I have hit some financial hardships due to unexpected medical bills. We go to a credit counseling service to talk about consolidation and other services. After looking over our paperwork for a few minutes, the lady helping us speaks.)

Counselor: “Well, I see what the problem is.”

Me: “Uh, ‘problem’?”

Counselor: “Yes. You need to make more money.”

(We left.)

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Bordering On Brawling

, , , , , | Working | July 10, 2014

(It is 2004 and my family is flying back into New York City after having spent two weeks abroad. While we are away there is a big Red Sox/Yankees brawl between the players during a game. My father, a native of the Boston area, is decked out in his customary Red Sox sweatshirt and ball cap. We are going through customs when all of a sudden the very professional customs agents turn into Yankees fans.)

NY Customs Agent #1: *noticing my father’s clothes* “Hey, I don’t know if we should let this guy into the country!”

NY Customs Agent #2: “Yeah, he looks pretty suspicious.”

NY Customs Agent #3: “Are you sure he’s not going to cause trouble?”

(Fortunately, my father relishes having good-natured baseball arguments and so took it in stride. We eventually were allowed back into the country.)

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Not Driving To The Point

, , , , , | Working | May 4, 2014

(I work in an area very well-known for our inclement weather. A blizzard has just hit our region, and the county has declared a state of emergency. Many of the surrounding towns have issued driving bans. I am able to get to work early, but due to the restrictions and weather, many of my coworkers are not.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Fitness Center]. This is [My Name]. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “Is [Operations Manager] there?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. She isn’t here today.”

Caller: “Is [General Manager] there?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. He isn’t here, either.”

Caller: “This is [Coworker]. Why is nobody there today?”

Me: “Because of the driving ban? It is illegal for them to drive here right now.”

Caller: “Oh… that’s why I’m calling. There is a driving ban and I don’t think I can drive to work tonight.”

Me: “…”

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Should Be As Easy As Pie To Explain

, , , , , | Working | April 25, 2014

(My mom and I are eating dinner at a country-style restaurant that features homemade desserts. I’m in my mid-twenties. We have been getting along great with our waitress all evening.)

Waitress: “So, any dessert tonight?”

Mom: “I’d like a piece of strawberry pie to go, please.”

Waitress: “Sure! And you?”

Me: “None for me, thanks.”

Waitress: “Are you sure? We have chocolate and lemon meringue tonight, too.”

Me: “No, thank you.”

Waitress: *winking at me* “Tell ya what? I’m going to box you up a piece of the strawberry, too, on the house for being such great customers.”

Me: “Wait, I’m a diabetic. That’s why I don’t want dessert. But thank you for the offer. That’s really nice.”

Waitress: “You’re a diabetic?”

Me: “Yes.”

Waitress: *to my mom* “Is she really a diabetic?”

Mom: “Yes. So that’s just one piece of strawberry pie to go and then the check, please. We’d better get going.”

Waitress: “You can’t be a diabetic. You’re skinny!”

Me: *Pause* “Well, I am. I was diagnosed five years ago.”

Waitress: “Were you fat before you were a diabetic?”

(I am visibly uncomfortable. I don’t mind discussing my health, but I prefer not to with total strangers. My mom notices and squeezes my hand under the table.)

Mom: *very calmly* “We’ll have the check now, please.”

Waitress: *to my mom* “Does she just have an eating disorder?”

Mom: “No, and to be honest, we prefer not to discuss this any longer. I just want the check.”

Waitress: “Are you mad? I was only asking. No need to get mad.”

(She leaves to get the check and the manager comes over.)

Manager: “How was everything, ladies?”

Mom: “Our food was great, and I hate to say this because our waitress was great all evening, but you may need to talk to her about appropriate conversations with customers. My daughter has a medical condition and our waitress pushed a little too hard and asked some personal questions.”

Manager: “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. I’ve never gotten any complaints about her before but I will talk to her.”

(He reassures us that it will never happen again. We pay the check and get up to leave when the manager comes back with two to-go boxes.)

Manager: “Ladies, I’m sorry you had a bad experience, so I wanted you each to have a piece of chocolate pie on the house.”

Mom: *heavy sigh* “Thank you. My daughter can’t have dessert, but we’ll take the other piece to her father.”

(The manager is flustered and tries to offer us something different, but we just want to go. As we are walking to the door, the waitress walks by.)

Waitress: “That’s chocolate pie! I knew you weren’t a diabetic!”

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A Recipe For Disaster, Part 4

, , , | Working | March 10, 2014

(My spouse has celiac and is on a gluten-free diet. We’ve stopped into a place while driving and are trying to determine if he can eat anything. Many cream-based soups contain flour as a thickener.)

Me: “Excuse me. Do you have an ingredient or allergen list for the broccoli cheese soup?”

Cashier: “I don’t know what you mean by ingredients.”

Me: “Uh… a list of what’s in the soup?”

Cashier: “What’s in it?”

Me: “You know; what’s it made with?”

Cashier: “Broccoli. Oh, and cheese.”

Me: “And… what else?”

Cashier: “That’s all.”

(We didn’t eat there.)

A Recipe For Disaster, Part 3
A Recipe For Disaster, Part 2
A Recipe For Disaster

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