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Liar Is As Liar Does

, , , , , | Working | October 6, 2021

I have been with this company for years and have a great track record, but to progress any further, I need to show some leadership and management ability. They offer me a promotion and a small team to manage. I accept and things start pretty well.

A week or so into the job, one of the guys pulls me to one side.

Employee: “Hey, listen. My wife has been called into surgery tomorrow. I need the day off to take her.”

Me: “Tomorrow? Wow, that’s short notice. Err, yes, of course. Take it off. I can sort something out here.”

Employee: “Great, thanks. She has been on the waiting list for ages and they had a spot.”

The next day is a rush. We already have a guy off sick and no cover. I end up getting there early and stay way after hours to cover. I’m just about finished, and I get back to my desk and slump in my chair.

One of the other managers spots me and comes over.

Manager: “You look beat.”

Me: “Yeah, one guy is off sick and the other had a family emergency.”

Manager: “Was it [Employee] with the emergency?”

Me: “Yeah, he needed some time off for his wife.”

Manager: “Surgery?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Manager: “Just to let you know, [Employee]’s wife has had multiple ‘surgeries,’ but he can never show any proof. A couple of times he’s been caught down the pub, instead.”

Me: “What? How has he gotten away with it?”

Manager: “[Owner] wants to give people the benefit of the doubt, especially when family is sick. Although, if I were you, I might give the sickness policy a read-over.”

He leaves. I take the policy home with me to read overnight and book [Employee] in for a back-to-work meeting the next day.

Me: “Hi, [Employee]. How are you? How is the wife?”

Employee: “Okay, thanks. I might need a couple more days off, you know, for follow-up appointments.”

Me: “Sure, sure. So, we have these meetings to make sure you are okay to return to work and clear payment for time off. On that note, could you please share with me any sort of doctor’s note for yesterday?”

Employee: “What? No, [policy] [section] says that we don’t have to when it comes to surgeries.”

Me: “Oh, didn’t you read the update a few months ago?! It was sent to everyone and put on notice boards. The policy was changed in that regard.”

Employee: “Well, I don’t have anything!”

Me: “You must have had a letter, text message, or something from the hospital.”

Employee: “No, they didn’t send me anything.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but you can request one normally free of charge. If not, I will have to mark you as absent and you won’t get paid.”

Employee: “What?! No, I need that money. This is unfair. I will go to HR.”

Me: “As you wish, but I don’t make the policy.”

He made a complaint; it went nowhere. He made all sorts of threats but nothing came of it. What was interesting was what happened way later: they called his home phone and his wife answered, confused as she thought he was at work. After much panicked searching for him, she found him at his girlfriend’s place. That’s why he was so keen to get out of work so often. The panic over pay was so that his wife didn’t notice the missing days’ wages.

He quit before I found out what happened to him.

There’s A Lot Going On Here And It’s Mostly Terrible

, , , , | Working | October 5, 2021

My family and I are on a road trip and we pull into a large service station. It has several restaurants and shops; it’s actually normally quite a nice stop for a place that is in the middle of nowhere. I order us some food and the family uses the restroom. I get my order and find a nearby table.

I’m checking my order and notice something odd in one of the burgers. It’s not wrapped properly and inside it looks like it’s been punched or something.

As I turn around, the restaurant staff are arguing amongst themselves. One of them waves me over urgently.

Cashier: “Sir, I am so sorry, but there is a problem with your order. We will replace everything free of charge and upgrade your meals. You didn’t eat any, did you?”

Me: “No, I didn’t. The burger looks a mess. What happened?”

Cashier: “We have had an… employee issue. Is that the only item you ordered?”

The cashier points to the burger in my hand.

Me: “Oh, no. I have a whole bag of food over there…”

I turn around to see a man hovering around my table. As he sees me, he grabs the bags and runs from the store. I could easily catch him, but all things considered…

Me: “Err, I’m going to let him have it. I have my receipt, though.”

Cashier: “I’m so sorry about all of this. Your food will be remade and without issue.”

Me: “Is he going to be an issue?”

I gesture in the direction the thief ran.

Cashier: “Can’t sue us for something you’ve stolen from us. I’ll let the manager know and he might try to catch him.”

I got my meals and they were perfect. I don’t know what happened to the food thief, but if you’re going to steal food from children’s mouths, then you probably deserve a burger that’s been spat in.

Most Of Us Get Past The “MINE” Stage By Kindergarten

, , , , , | Working | October 5, 2021

I’ve had this job for about three months and it has been good so far. Unfortunately, the person who was supposed to train me left for some extended leave just before I started. I was told that she would return soon and I could ask further questions then.

I knew [Employee] was back when I turned up for work and a woman I didn’t know was sat at my desk.

Me: “Hi. Are you [Employee]?”

Employee: “Yes, that’s me. Are you new?”

Me: “Yes. I think I started shortly after you left.” *Pauses* “I’m sorry to say, but that’s my desk now.”

Employee: “What? No, honey, I have sat here for years. You are going to have to find somewhere else to sit.”

Me: “Sorry, but the office got reorganised while you were off. Your team sits over there now.”

[Employee] was clearly very angry. She got herself out of my chair and stomped to the manager’s office. Evidently, it didn’t go her way, as she stomped back and over to her desk. She refused to talk to me or look at me for the next two weeks.

Then, one day, I came back from a doctor’s appointment to find my desk empty and my stuff boxed up. I went to the manager to find out what was wrong.

Me: “All my things have been moved.”

Manager: “I was told you wanted to change desk, but I didn’t ask anyone to clear your desk.”

Me: *Getting a bit upset* “I have personal items that are fragile. I don’t think it’s fair for someone to mess with them.”

Manager: “Not at all. Come on, I will help you set up your desk.”

He took me back to my desk, and who was sitting there but [Employee]. She had even put up some photos.

Manager: “[Employee], you need to move.”

Employee: “No, this is my desk. MY DESK!”

Manager: “In my office, please.”

[Employee] got up and started walking toward the office.

Employee: “I don’t care what you say; I’m not moving. I’ve sat there for years, [Manager]. Years.”

Their meeting went on for a long while until the assistant manager got a phone call and immediately took us all into the meeting room.

Assistant Manager: “[Employee] has decided that she has returned to work too early and has chosen to take some additional time off.”

Coworker: “She ‘chose’ to? Like last year when she chose to take unpaid leave after throwing that chair?”

Assistant Manager: “The matter isn’t up for discussion. Please return to your desks.”

By the time we did, [Employee] and her stuff were gone. All my things had been thrown to the floor. [Employee] came back a few weeks later, but she exploded again and assaulted someone. She wasn’t allowed to quit and was fired on the spot. It turned out that she had always had anger issues, and the leave was supposed to be time for her to sort her life out and come back better. Looks like it didn’t work.

You Can Change The Locks But You Can’t Change Their Hearts

, , , , , , | Working | October 4, 2021

We get hit by the health crisis badly. Many of our staff have caught the illness to varying degrees, and the business as a whole has had a reduced workload. Many of us are worried about our jobs and doing what we can to keep the company going.

I’m asked to cover the stores area. I have zero experience, so I am a little confused to be asked. But it’s like an hour a week tops, so I agree.

Boss: “Thank you for doing this.”

Me: “It’s not a problem. I’m a little confused why it’s me, though.”

Boss: “Err, there are some trust concerns with some employees. And we feel like you are safe hands for this task.”

Me: “Oh, okay, thanks. You have a key for me?”

Boss: “Sure, I asked everyone to drop their key on the stores desk. There is a pile of keys over there.”

Me: “A pile of keys for a secure area?”

Boss: “Well, yes, I know what you are saying. But there have been so many keys handed out over the years that we have no idea who has one.”

Me: “So, now is the perfect time to change the locks, isn’t it?”

Boss: “Well, I suppose, but time and—”

Me: “The lock is what, £5? And I can fit it myself.”

Boss: “Yeah, I guess. I’ll pick it up on my lunch.”

He does and I fit the new lock. I have one key and I give the others to my boss. I carry on my day. The next morning, I arrive, and someone has broken the lock and attempted to repair it.

Me: “Err, someone broke into stores last night.”

Boss: “What? No one needs to get in there. Let me check the cameras.”

We watched as three workers repeatedly kicked the door and then pried the door open. They were seen taking several items into the car park and another camera showed them putting them into cars.

My boss was fuming. Two of the men were off sick with [widespread illness] and had provided evidence. Between him and the owner, they managed to get the police involved and most of the stolen items back, plus some pieces that they didn’t know were missing. Charges were filed, and while they avoided jail time, they were out of work and pocket at a time that the whole country wasn’t hiring.

Stuck In A Pickle Pickle

, , , , , | Working | October 1, 2021

My daughter goes into a national sub shop chain to order subs for us. My order contains pickles. The young man making the subs looks at the condiments.

Employee #1: “We’re out of pickles.”

Employee #2: “We just got more; they are in the back.” 

Employee #1: *Repeating* “We’re out of pickles.”

Employee #2: “We just got more; they are in the back.” 

This happens two more times until [Employee #2] turns to my daughter.

Employee #2: “Would you mind waiting a minute while I get the pickles from the back?”

Daughter: “I don’t mind.”

Employee #1: “Oh, we have more in the back?” 

[Employee #2] turns to him and points to [Employee #3].

Employee #2: “Remember, he just came back from the store where he got pickles?

My daughter comes back to the car.

Daughter: “I am pretty sure that guy is stoned out of his mind.”

The sub was delicious.