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The FDA Is Truly Evil

, , , , , , | Working | December 11, 2017

(I work for a company that makes products with laser scanners in them. This means annual inspections by the FDA’s department of devices and radiological health. After the inspector finally leaves:)

Me: “Darn, that guy was here all day, and I forgot to say, ‘Frickin’ laser beams!'”

Coworker: “I’m sure he’s heard it before.”

Very Quickly Put The Matter To Bed

, , , , , | Working | December 7, 2017

(We have just moved into a new house in a new city. My adult son and I both need new beds. The two of us go into a store that sells beds and are met by a salesman.)

Salesman: “Welcome to [Store]! What are you looking for today?”

Me: “I need a firm mattress and he—” *points to son* “—needs a soft one.”

Salesman: “So, we need something in the middle, then?”

Me: “I am not planning on sleeping with my son! We need two beds!”

(Very sheepishly, he showed us around the store.)

Cheesing You Off, One Lactose At A Time

, , , , | Working | December 7, 2017

(My dad, brother, and I offer to pick up a quick dinner for my mom, who is home and has to go to work soon. My dad pulls up to the speaker of a fast food restaurant. My mom has a very severe milk allergy [not just lactose intolerance], so she only gets plain hamburgers, no cheese.)

Dad: *into the speaker* “Hi, can I get a #1 combo, just ketchup? And no cheese on the burger.”

Worker #1: “No problem. A hamburger combo, plain just ketchup?”

Dad: “Yes, and no cheese. My wife is allergic.”

Worker #1: “Okay. Your total is [total]. Please pull forward.”

(We get up to the window to pay, and [Worker #1] hands my dad the receipt. He double checks it and it says “#1 combo-ketchup and cheese”. He gets [Worker #1’s] attention.)

Dad: “The receipt says cheese on the burger. I need it to be plain with just ketchup.”

Worker #1: “Uh… yeah. It’ll be without cheese.” *slams window shut*

(When the worker returns, he gives us the bag. My dad pulls ahead a bit and asks my brother to check the sandwich. Sure enough, it has ketchup and what appears to be cheese that was hastily scraped off. No one is behind him, so he reverses back to the pick up window. [Worker #1] is speaking with someone at the speaker, so we wait. After taking the other order, he looks at my dad, rolls his eyes and ignores him. My dad takes the burger from the bag, and holds it out the window, waving it around. Finally [Worker #1] opens the window.)

Dad: “You said it wouldn’t have cheese, but this clearly has cheese you just scraped off.”

([Worker #1] takes the burger, throws it at an inside trash can, hard, and walks away without a word. After a moment, [Worker #2] comes back with a new burger.)

Worker #2: “Here you go, sir. Sorry about that. This one has no cheese.” *My dad starts to unwrap it to check.* “Oh, you don’t need to check, I made that myself. No cheese.”

Dad: “Yeah, that’s what the last guy said. My wife is extremely allergic to milk, so if this had cheese your restaurant would have a real problem on your hands.”

Worker #2: “Well, this one has no cheese. Good night.” *She shuts the window and walks away.*

(My dad is known to ask for a manager and rightfully complain when situations like this happen [and unfortunately these happen to him an a regular basis, and he is not one to suffer fools]. But because my mom was working soon he decided against it this time. Later, he did the customer survey explaining what happened, and was offered a free combo. His response to them: “I’ll vote for [despised president] before I eat at your restaurant again.”)

Email Fail, Part 14

, , , , , | Working | December 7, 2017

(I’ve had the same conversation with the employees at this store on a few different occasions.)

Cashier: *ringing up my purchases* “Are you in our computer system at all?”

Me: “No.”

Cashier: “Would you like to be? I just need your email address and phone number.”

Me: “What does being in your computer system do?”

Cashier: “Nothing, right now. But we might add benefits in the future!”

Me: “I’m good, thanks.”

 

Related:
Email Fail, Part 13
Email Fail, Part 12
Email Fail, Part 11

Microwaving Goodbye To Your Business

, , , | Working | December 6, 2017

(My husband and I move into a house that has a 23-year-old wall-mount unit which has a microwave and an oven. The oven works fine, but the microwave doesn’t work at all. Husband opens the microwave up, finds the schematics, and determines the problem part. It’s made by [Company], and that is the only place he can hope to find the part, so he calls them.)

Husband: “Hi, I need [part]. Do you have that in stock?”

Rep: “A what? Why do you think you need that?”

Husband: “We have a wall-mount microwave and oven unit, and the microwave doesn’t work. I looked at the schematics and I think that part is bad. Do you have it? How much is it?”

Rep: “Those schematics aren’t for you to look at. They’re for our repairmen.”

Husband: “…so, do you have the part?”

Rep: “You can’t determine what you need. We have to send one of our repairmen out to look at it.”

Husband: “And how much does that cost?”

Rep: “Seventy-five dollars. If he can fix it, that goes toward the repair.”

Husband: “Seventy-five dollars? I could buy two new microwaves for that price!”

Rep: “If he can’t fix it, then that goes toward a new unit.”

Husband: “But it’s just the microwave that’s broken. I could buy a new microwave, for less, and use the broken one as a bread box!”

(And so we did. This company is on the brink of bankruptcy, and I no longer wonder why.)