I got laid off from my job a few years ago but got a generous severance package that allowed me to be picky about job offers. Unfortunately, some of my job prospects were with contract agencies, which can be really flaky about keeping in touch. After a job interview:

Recruiter: “Okay, you are a really strong candidate for this job and I think the client will love you. We’ll be in touch within a week.”

Me: “Great, can’t wait to hear from you.”

A week goes by without contact. Even though the job sounded like a sweet gig, I don’t sweat it as I’m fielding several job interviews a day while my old company is essentially paying me to sit on the couch.

Recruiter: “Hey, looks like they decided to go with someone else. But I’ve got another client interested in interviewing you. Are you available this afternoon?”

I’m currently on my way to the other side of the state for another job interview.

Me: “Today’s not a good day. But I can interview tomorrow. Call me when you have a time arranged.” 

Surprise. No call. I eventually find a new job and am getting settled in my new office when the same contract agency calls.

Recruiter: “Hey, the person we sent them fell through and the client wants someone else. When can you start with them?”

Me: “Uh, I just started a new job.”

Recruiter: “Oh, congratulations! Who with?”

Me: “[Company].”

Recruiter: “And how long is the job assignment?”

Me: “As long as I want.” 

Recruiter: “But what agency placed you there?”

Me: “No one did. It’s a permanent hire.”

Recruiter: *Disappointed* “Oh. Wouldn’t you rather work for [Client Company]? It’s a good contract.” 

Me: “To be honest, you kind of flaked on me twice already. I did warn you that I was entertaining several offers during our first interview and wasn’t going to wait on [Client Company] if I got a better offer.” 

Recruiter: “So, you aren’t interested?”

Me: “Nope.”

A few months later.

Recruiter: “Hey, are you in the market for another job again? [Client Company] really wants to interview you and they’re kind of desperate to fill that position.”

I blocked their number after that.

My coworker is going to a popular sub restaurant and offers to pick up lunch for the office

I ask for a BLT, but I don’t want mayo and I don’t want it to wind up with the oregano, oil, and vinegar that this restaurant puts on most sandwiches, so I ask for “a BLT with no condiments.”

My coworker comes back with a six-inch sub with nothing on it but bacon.

I am at the drive-thru of a local fast food place, stopping to get myself a quick meal before work.

Worker: “Hi, welcome to [Fast Food Place]. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hi, I would like a double combo, large size, with lettuce and onion, and no cheese.”

The worker puts my order on the screen. I notice he has put the combo up as one WITH cheese.

Me: “Excuse me, I wanted that combo without cheese.”

Worker: “Sorry about that.”

He corrects the entry and it now clearly says, “NO cheese,” in red lettering.

Worker: “Will that be all today, sir?”

Me: “That’ll be everything.”

Worker: “Your total comes to $10.05 today, sir.”

I pull over to the window and give him the money. He immediately hands me my drink.

Worker: “Your food will be out in a moment, sir.”

He goes into the kitchen, and about a minute later he comes back to the window.

Worker: “Did you order the double with cheese?”

Me: “No. My order was a double with lettuce and onion, and without cheese.”

Worker: “Okay, one moment, sir.”

He goes back and grabs a sandwich from the rack.

Worker: “Here you are, sir.”

I check the sandwich to make sure it is correct, and then call him back when I notice it is not.

Me: “Excuse me, this is not at all what I ordered.”

Worker: “Are you sure, sir?”

Me: “I ordered a double with lettuce and onion, and no cheese. This is a triple — a plain triple with nothing on it.”

Worker: “I’m sorry, I can have a new one ready for you in about five minutes.”

Me: “No, I’m really tight on time and I need to be at work in ten minutes. Please remove one of the patties from this burger and put lettuce and onion on it, and I’ll be satisfied.”

I give the burger back to the worker. On his way to the kitchen, his manager stops him to talk, and he is visibly upset. The worker returns soon after.

Worker: “I am very sorry for that, sir. Here’s your burger. Have a good day.”

As I left the drive-thru window, I could faintly hear yelling from the kitchen. I checked the burger again and noticed that it had the lettuce and onion on it now, but it was still a triple. I’m fairly positive at that point that the manager made him upgrade my meal at no charge to make up for his stupidity in handling my order. I have not been back there since.

My phone has suddenly lost its speaker function, so I am looking to buy a cheap phone as soon as possible. 

Employee #1: “We don’t do contracts anymore; you just buy a phone at retail price and we bill for service.”

Me: “Okay, what’s the cheapest non-smartphone you have?”

Employee #1: “We have this one for $99 and this for $199.”

Me: “What’s the difference?”

Employee #1: “Uh…”

Employee #2: “This one—” *pointing to the $199 phone* “—is heavier.”

Me: “And…?”

Employee #1: “It’s heavier duty.”

Me: “Okay… I’ll take the $99 phone.”

Employee #1: “Do you want to pay today, or use a twenty-four-month installmant plan?”

Me: “What’s the difference going to be?”

Employee #1: “If we break it up over twenty-four months, you are protected in case the phone you get is a lemon, because you haven’t paid for it all yet!”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Employee #2: “Yeah, if you pay for the phone in full before you leave the store, it voids the two-week return policy.”

Employee #1: “So, if the phone is a lemon, you’re stuck!”

Me: “Wait, so you’re telling me that if you sell me a broken phone, if I pay for it all at once you won’t let me return it?”

Employee #1: “No, because that voids the return policy.”

Me: “So, you can only return defective items if you haven’t paid for it yet?”

Employee #2: “That’s right, so you should take the twenty-four-month plan.”

Me: “Okay… Well, do you charge interest or anything extra?”

Employee #2: “Nope, just break it up into payments.”

I think paying it off slowly might be convenient.

Me: “Okay, let’s do it.”

Employee #1: “Great, I’ll ring you up. So, with the Store Fee, that will be $129 plus tax.”

Me: “What ‘Store Fee’?”

Employee #1: “It’s $30 to purchase a phone in the store.”

Employee #2: “It’s because you are eligible to buy a new phone. You only have the $30 fee. If you weren’t eligible to buy a new phone we’d have to double the cost of your service fees!”

Me: “What? So there’s no contract, but I’m somehow ‘eligible’ to buy a phone at full retail price, as opposed to somehow… not being allowed to buy a phone? And for the privilege of buying a phone in your store, there’s a fee?”

Employee #1: “It’s only $30.”

Employee #2: “It seems like a lot because you’re buying a cheaper phone.”

Me: “Say I got my phone fixed or bought it somewhere else. Is there an activation fee to get it on my service plan?”

Employee #1: “Um…”

Employee #2: “No…”

Me: “All right, then.”

I left and found the $199 phone online for $79. And, much to my surprise, they were telling the truth; there was no activation fee. And I wasn’t charged $30 online for the privilege of buying a product!

Years ago, my grandfather owned a number of convenience stores. He hired and fired all kinds of crazy cashiers; the ones that stuck around for years might have been the craziest, but they were reliable. Every summer for years, I would be one of those cashiers; from the ages of fourteen to twenty, there I was every summer. 

Since he usually had regular turnover, it wasn’t hard for him to find me a shift to work, but one year he was fully staffed; he was just miffed by one employee. 

This one girl was great at all the assignments — stocking, cleaning, maintenance — but my grandfather noticed that he was going through a lot of rolls of dimes and pennies, and usually on her shifts. So, he decided to sort of watch her one day. It wasn’t until someone was owed $0.97 in change that he put it together.

Sure enough, this cashier gave the guy nine dimes and seven pennies as change. 

He tried to teach her, but it didn’t stick. 

Needless to say, he still found an opening for me that summer.