I work at a restaurant and we have a senior menu that offers free coffee and ice cream to those over sixty. We never ask if they are a senior; we just assume by the color of their hair and the way that they have aged in order to make them feel comfortable.

Supervisor: “Hello, what can I get started for you?”

Gray-Haired Man: “I would like a burger and fries and a large coffee.”

My supervisor enters in the order and selects a senior coffee.

Supervisor: “All right, anything else?”

Gray-Haired Man: “Nope, that will be all.” 

Supervisor: “Okay. So, is everything on the screen correct?”

Gray-Haired Man: “A senior coffee?!”

Supervisor: “Yes, it’s free; isn’t that what you ordered?”

Gray-Haired Man: “I’m f****** 27!”

Supervisor: “Oh, my, I’m so sorry, sir. How about I just give it all to you for free? I deeply apologize.”

The man stays silent and moves off to the side to wait for his order. 

Me: “I would have just taken the free coffee.”

I get one of those “Sorry we missed you” cards from the postal service, so I have to go to the local post office branch to collect a parcel. I am meeting with a friend the same day, so I take my dog and we decide to stop by the post on the way to the coffee house. 

My local post office branch — unsurprisingly — has a no-dogs-allowed policy, which I am well aware of. This is why I hand the lead to my friend and both she and my dog wait for me right outside the entrance. I go in. There are no other people at the time, so I go straight to the clerk with my ID and my reference number.

Me: “Good afternoon. Can I please collect my parcel?”

Clerk: “Is this your dog?” *Looking outside*

Me: “Yes.”

Clerk: “Dogs are not allowed!”

She points at a poster on the wall that confirms the same.

Me: “That’s okay; he will stay outside.”

Clerk: “No, dogs are not allowed!”

Me: “I understand that. He will not enter the building. They are just waiting for me outside. Now, can I have my parcel?”

Clerk: “Dogs are not allowed!”

Me: *Slightly annoyed* “My dog is not inside the premises, so I do not see a problem. Are you telling me that I won’t be served because I have a pet?!”

Clerk: “DOGS ARE NOT ALLOWED!”

She is getting quite fanatical, repeating the same thing over and over again. I’m a very patient person, but after five minutes of “Dogs are not allowed,” I get fed up.

Me: “Any chance I could speak to someone else here?”

Clerk: “No! Dogs are not allowed!”

Me: “Hello? Anybody back there?”

I raise my voice, hoping that somebody else will come, and a manager quickly shows up.

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Clerk: “The lady has a dog; dogs are not allowed!”

Manager: “But… but… the dog is outside.”

Clerk: “NO! Dogs are not allowed, THOSE ARE THE RULES! YOU SHOULD KNOW THE RULES!”

The manager looked baffled. He sent away the clerk, apologised profusely, and handed me my parcel.

The clerk still works there, but I see her mostly in the back room sorting the parcels. I guess my situation wasn’t the only issue, so they are trying to keep her away from customers.

Working in the shipping dock of a software/hardware supplier, we’ve gotten some odd requests from the sales folks. This one, however, takes the cake.

Sales: “Hey, [My Name], I’ve got kind of a wonky request on this one.”

Me: *Jokingly* “Oh, you always have a wonky request! What’s up?”

Sales: “This customer wants us to ship [two products] but only put the value at a total of $100.”

Me: “Well, we don’t do declared value unless it’s over $5000, and they’re each like, what, 1500, 2000?”

Sales: “No, not the declared value, the commercial value.”

Me: “You mean the value on the commercial invoice? For Customs?”

Sales: “Yeah, they don’t want to pay the duties and taxes.”

Me: “Okay, well, no, we can’t do that.”

Sales: “Come on, man, you know we always have to go above and beyond for the customer!”

Me: “‘Above and beyond’ does not include ‘break international trade laws’! But hey, tell you what. Get [Boss] or [Vice President Of Operations] to give me the okay themselves, I’ll print the paperwork and you can sign it.”

Surprise, surprise, he never got that okay.

I’ve just returned from a three-month medical leave. As such, there are a few new hires. I’m ringing up front, and a cashier next to me starts having issues. I peek over and see the problem.

Me: “Oh, you didn’t scan [item].”

Cashier #1: “Oh, thanks!”

He fixes the issue. The cashier on the other side of me glares at me but doesn’t say anything. A couple of customers later, the first cashier has another issue. He looks at me for help.

Me: “The button is in the menu for coupons.”

He thanks me. The second cashier glares at me again. After a few repeats, she finally says something.

Cashier #2: “Really?! It’s what, your third day here and you think you’re better than everyone?! You don’t have to be so arrogant about things! He’s been here for two months!”

Me: “Are you kidding me? Helping someone isn’t being arrogant. And I haven’t been here for three days; I’ve been here for three years. Actually, I’m the one that trained you. I’m surprised you don’t remember.”

The second cashier signs off of her register and storms off. I continue working until they call for me to meet the manager in the office. After checking that the first cashier is fine up front, I head back.

Manager: “So, [Cashier #2] says you’ve been telling her you’re her superior and she has to listen to you.”

Me: “What?!”

Manager: “It honestly doesn’t sound like something you’d do.”

Me: “She accused me of being arrogant for helping out [Cashier #1] and thought I was new. I told her I’d actually been here three years. I didn’t ask her to do anything or say anything else to her.”

Manager: “Yeah, that sounds right. [Cashier #2] keeps trying to act like she’s the lead cashier, and with you being back, she probably is upset that she’s not actually in charge. I’ll talk with her.”

She ended up quitting, saying the managers were all against her.

I work at a bank. We get mystery shopped several times a year. We have a very long list of things we get graded on. One of them is if we do a full financial profile. If done correctly, these take about twenty minutes.

I get a mystery shopper. I do a full financial profile, recommend a few products, answer her questions, and then she leaves. Even though I hit all the required categories, she does not score me well, and I get a very long lecture because of it.

A year later, I’ve transferred fo a different branch. One of the tellers informs me there’s a lady in the lobby looking for “information on our accounts,” which is our code for “mystery shopper.” She looks vaguely familiar. I invite her to have a seat at my desk and tell her about the financial profile.

Shopper: “Oh, you can absolutely do that! I’ve got time.”

Me: “Great! I’m going to start by asking for some personal information.”

I enter her information and get a pop-up that warns me of a duplicate profile. I click on it and discover it’s my shopper from the year before. All the information matches, right down to the email address. Since I know she’s a picky scorer, and I’m not likely to do well with her, I decide to have a little fun with this.

Me: “Ma’am, I have to say that you look so familiar! Have you banked with us before? Or maybe visited one of our other branches?”

Shopper: “No, not at all! I’m new to the area.”

Me: “Oh, well, you must have a twin! A mystery shopper who looked just like you came to [My Old Branch] last year!”

She stares at me for a second. A look of recognition crosses her face. I smile.

Me: “But I’m sure that’s a coincidence. Now, let’s start your financial profile. Tell me how you like to bank…”

I did a full profile and recommended five to seven products, making sure to describe them all in great detail. The whole thing took over an hour.

About a week later, I got a phone call from our regional manager, congratulating me on a near-perfect score and some glowing comments about how “friendly and engaging” I was. If you’re going to mystery shop, at least make up some new information.