I’m the author of this story. It’s been about a year since I last got a delivery from the driver that kept on mixing up 121 (the main property) with 127 (the rental property), and since then, every delivery from that company has been delivered by my regular driver, who never makes the same mistake.

On this particular day, I’m expecting an important package from that delivery company. I’m eating lunch when I hear a vehicle pull into the driveway of 121. I gander out the window and, lo and behold, it’s the problem driver. I’m initially glad that he at least got the address correct this time, but that quickly fades when I see him walking over to my fence instead of to the back of his van. He then unzips his pants and begins to relieve himself on the hedges! I quickly confront him.

Me: “Hey! What are you doing?”

Problem Driver: “I really had to go. You don’t mind, do you?”

Me: “Yes, I do! You can’t just pee on my hedges without asking!”

Problem Driver: “Look. A guy’s gotta go, a guy’s gotta go. I couldn’t hold it no more. Now, you want your package or no?”

I don’t want to start any drama, so I nod. He opens the back of his van. My package, which is supposed to be fairly large, is nowhere in sight inside the vastly disorganized van.

Problem Driver: “It’s gotta be buried in here somewhere.”

Me: *Annoyed* “How far back do you think it is?”

Problem Driver: “Look, I don’t have time to check. I have other deliveries to make; can I please leave? I definitely have your package, and I’ll be back with it when I get some of these other deliveries out of the way.”

Not wanting to delay him any longer, I let him leave. I’m still fuming at the fact that he peed on my hedges without even so much as asking. Three hours later, my package finally did arrive… in my regular driver’s van. I was now even more livid, since the problem driver not only used my hedges as a makeshift urinal, but he outright lied to me that he had my package when he really did not.

I immediately filed a complaint with the company, detailing everything that happened. I was not expecting it to go very far, since the company essentially let him off the hook the last time I complained about him for mixing up my addresses. However, the next morning I got a call back from the company, and the representative on the other end profusely apologized for the incident and informed me that the problem driver had been dismissed from the company. From what she told me, it wasn’t that driver’s first complaint for lying to customers, nor was it his first complaint for relieving himself on customers’ property without permission. The driver’s van was parked in such a way that his dashcam was just barely able to catch him in the act of doing his “business” on my hedges, giving the company more than enough reason to fire him.

Related:
Giving Them A 1-2-1 About 121

I live in a sharehouse with friends, and one housemate, in particular, has anger management issues. I have many stories about him; not all are flattering, as you can imagine, but in this particular case, I’m actually surprised he didn’t go off harder at the poor idiot on the other end of the phone call.

Our renting arrangement with this housemate is that he doesn’t contribute to the shared grocery bills and yard work bills, so he handles the Internet connection. It is not always the best situation financially for me, as I cover far more than my fair share in all household bills and paid utilities as well as rent.

Our internet has been dropping out a LOT, and I’ve since learned that the area itself is dodgy across all Internet providers because the infrastructure hasn’t been maintained or even installed correctly in the first place. So, today we have already had approximately twenty dropouts and it isn’t even lunchtime, so the housemate calls them up and tries to organise a guy to come out and fix it up. The call only lasts in civil tones for about fifteen minutes, and then the yelling starts. Roughly half an hour of yelling and swearing later, the housemate comes out of his room, literally throws his phone at me, and roars:

Housemate: “I GIVE [MY NAME] PERMISSION TO SPEAK ON MY BEHALF!”

And then he slams his door shut. 

I tentatively lift the phone to my ear and begin what is probably the single most idiotic call I have ever had with an Internet provider in my life. We have a single outlet in the house for phone and Internet connections, with two ethernet sockets. The man on the phone condescendingly tries to explain to me that:

1. I am wrong.
2. There is another connection actively in use.
3. The TV input for free to air connection is another Internet point for the modem.
4. The dropouts aren’t happening.
5. My residential address is listed as a business; therefore, I need to contact another line… but he won’t provide the line.
6. The lights on the modem are not accurate enough for me, a female, to determine that it is switched on.
7. The infrastructure is the best of the best.
8. A man might be better to explain this process to.
9. There are no maintenance technicians employed by their company.
10. There are now two different types of technicians they employ.
11. I clearly don’t understand the difference between an in-home and an outside technician.
12. I need to own a home phone to access the Internet through their company, despite never having a phone line connected in all the years I had been living there.

All in all, it is an hour and a half of exasperating, misogynistic, ego-touting insanity masquerading as a phone call for what should have been a relatively simple issue.

Finally, I get the man to agree to send out a technician, but then I also cop a good twenty- to thirty-minute repeated lecture about the differences between the type of technicians, am told repeatedly that I don’t know what I want, and am warned extensively with the line:

Internet Provider: “If you request the wrong one, you will be charged a call-out fee from both the tech company and from us.”

I simply walk out front, locate our roadside box that runs the street’s connections through it, and ask:

Me: “So, ah, the roadside boxes count as a [Tech #1] job, right?”

Internet Provider: “Yes, that is correct, ma’am. [Tech #1], not [Tech #2]. So why do you ask?”

Me: “Well, I’m asking because the box is currently underwater and it hasn’t rained in weeks, so I’m pretty sure I want [Tech #1], not [Tech #2].”

Internet Provider: “Umm… I, I will send out the [Tech #1] as you have requested… Sorry?”

Me: “You really should be; it’s not just men who understand the basic principles of repair work, you know.”

Internet Provider: “Yes… you’re correct, ma’am… I’m sorry.”

The repairman was there within the hour and I’ve never seen a man so delighted to meet the caller before. Apparently, the [Tech #1] workers at that company have heard some interesting stories but don’t often get to meet the people who make the calls. I asked if he was disappointed about that and he grinned like the Cheshire cat and replied, “Absolutely not; most of the callers are whack jobs. You, however, were golden.”

I’m looking to buy a new car. I just want to get the bottom line price for comparison and get out.

I have some experience in sales; I understand some of the tricks and techniques, so I am quick to shut down any ploys.

Me: “Hi, I’m after a monthly cost for [Car Model] with [litre] engine, over three years, please. I’m just looking for prices today, not looking to make a sale.”

Salesman: “Okay, let me talk you through the options.”

Me: “The baseline model is fine for me, thanks.”

Salesman: *Taken aback* “Okay… Well, let’s talk protective coatings; the seats can be protected for as little as 9p a day.”

Me: “Sorry, but I just want the basic cost. If that’s affordable, we can talk about extras.”

Salesman: “Okay, so the paint protector covering—”

Me: “Again, sorry to interrupt, but I just want the basic price, no extras.”

Salesman: “What I’m going to do is put that in the quote, but as a separate line so you can see.”

Me: “That’s fine, thank you.”

Salesman: “I’ll just see if our finance team is available to go through the payment options for you.”

Me: “Again, no, thank you. I’m just looking at prices today.”

The salesman ignores me and starts looking around for the finance team.

Salesman: “It won’t take a moment; then you can ensure that you are cleared by a credit check.”

Me: “Again, I’m just looking for prices, if I can just have that printout.”

He reluctantly gave me the printout, and I thanked him and left. When I compared, this place was nearly 50% more expensive than anywhere else. No wonder they were so keen to get me to sign up and not think twice about it.

I am from the UK but live and work in Germany, and I fly “home” fairly often to visit my parents. On this particular trip, I’m in a shop in Birmingham trying to buy a specialist book that’s out of stock. I talk to a salesman, who checks for it on the computer.

Salesman: “I can order it and have it sent to you?”

Me: “I live in Germany. Can you do that?”

Salesman: “Yes, it’s £15 delivery for anywhere in the EU. All I need is the delivery address and I can get that sorted for you.”

He is standing at the computer, looking at me expectantly.

Me: “Uh… it’s a German address; it’s a bit complicated. If you have a pen I can write it down?”

Salesman: *Condescendingly* “Look, love, just give me the address.”

Me: “It’s in German.”

Salesman: “Yeah, sure, it’s fine.”

Me: “Okay, then. It’s Assenmacherstraße [series of German numbers], Wiesenthalerhof, Kaiserslautern.”

Salesman: “Uh…”

Me: “Problem?”

Salesman: *Sheepishly* “Let me get you a pen…”

I’m in a fast food drive-thru ordering my meal. I order and then drive around to pay and get it. It’s cold so I’m shaking, and it’s early so I’m puffy-eyed and tired.

Worker: “Here’s your meal. Are you okay?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m just tired.”

Worker: “Is it cold?”

Me: “Er, yeah.”

I’m thinking, “Obviously, can’t you feel it?” The worker looks distressed and practically throws my card at me. I’m puzzled for a minute.

Me: “Ohh! [Rapidly spreading illness]! No!” *Laughing*

He looked annoyed and then shooed me away. I wasn’t laughing at him, but really, who goes around asking customers if they got the illness that’s causing a global health crisis?