This Restaurant’s Not The Cream Of The Crop

, , , , , | Working | December 9, 2012

(I am ordering a soup with cream, but I ask for it to be only water, instead.)

Me: “Can you skip the cream and use just plain water?”

Waitress: “Are you allergic to milk?”

Me: “No, I’m vegan.”

Waitress: “Okay.”

(I get my soup and see that it’s slightly creamy.)

Me: “Um, I asked for no cream.”

Waitress: “Yeah, the chef forgot and started putting in cream. Since you’re not allergic, I don’t think that little bit would matter anyway.”

Me: “Err, could you please remake this?”

Waitress: *angrily* “Well, fine! What the h*** is your problem?! It’s only a little bit of cream and you’re not allergic. Why are you so d*** picky?”

This story is part of our Soup roundup!

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Let’s Hope He’s Just Horsing Around

, , , , | Working | September 4, 2012

(I’m looking for equipment for my horse, and although it’s unlikely, I decide to try a local sporting goods store. I’m female and the employee is male.)

Me: “Hey, is there any chance you have whips or riding crops?”

Employee: “Try an adult store.”

Me: “No, it’s for my horse.”

Employee: *smirks* “Yeah, try an adult store.”

Me: “I meant an actual horse, not a human. Anyway, guess you don’t have any. Thanks, though!”

Employee: “I know what you mean.” *winks* “Hey, if you ever need a new horse, try me.”

Me: “Um, no, thanks.”

(I got out, quickly!)

This story is part of our Horse roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Stories About People Who Are Too Stupid To Own Pets


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It Was Nacho Best Moment

, , , | Working | August 7, 2012

(I am a customer at a local theme park, but I know many of the employees. A friend of mine is working concessions near the front gate, so my brother and I stop to say hi. My friend is a very flamboyant and, at times, undisciplined character, but he’s usually harmless.)

Employee: “I almost got fired this morning.”

Me: “Why?”

Employee: “I threw cheese on a customer.”

Me: “Why would you do that?!”

Employee: “This woman comes up to me for a drink and she’s like, real mad, and she throws her drink on me! So, I’m like, ‘Would you like your cheese?’ and I throw the nacho cheese on her.”

Me: “Good Lord!”

Employee: “So, they called us both down to the office and asked what we were thinking, and I said, ‘She threw her drink on me, and I don’t take crap like that, so I threw the cheese on her.’ And we both looked at each other and just said, ‘I’m sorry.’ So, I got a new uniform and it was just nonsense.”

My Brother: *points at the nachos* “Just remind me not to stand near you with that!”

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So Much Ado About Nothing

, , , , , , | Working | July 13, 2012

(I work weekends at a local gym. We have a maintenance worker that is notoriously lazy. His boss, the director of maintenance, has instructed him to rinse off the pool deck with a hose. His boss has said he’ll check the surveillance tapes the next day to make sure he’s done his job. It should also be noted that the cameras are very grainy and cheap.)

Me: “You remembered to do the deck, right?”

Worker: *laughs* “Check this out, man: I went back there, unrolled the hose, hooked it up to the tap, and then just walked around the pool waving the hose around for 15 minutes. Then, I unhooked the hose, rolled it up, and put it back. All just so the camera could see.” *laughs some more*

Me: “You know, had you just turned the tap on, you would have actually done it. And it wouldn’t have taken you any extra time.”

Worker: “Well… yeah… but…”

(Not surprisingly, he got fired about a week later.)

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The American Devolution

, , , , | Working | July 4, 2012

(I am calling my bank to let them know that I’ll be traveling abroad so they don’t shut down my card for suspected fraud.)

Employee: “…and where will you be going abroad?”

Me: “I’m going to London.”

Employee: “Oh, London. That’s cool. London is in Paris, right?”

Me: “Uh… no. London is in the UK.”

Employee: “What’s the UK?”

This story is part of our Bad Bankers roundup!

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