A Recipe For Disaster

, , , | Working | March 10, 2014

(My spouse has celiac and is on a gluten-free diet. We’ve stopped into a place while driving and are trying to determine if he can eat anything. Many cream-based soups contain flour as a thickener.)

Me: “Excuse me. Do you have an ingredient or allergen list for the broccoli cheese soup?”

Cashier: “I don’t know what you mean by ingredients.”

Me: “Uh… a list of what’s in the soup?”

Cashier: “What’s in it?”

Me: “You know; what’s it made with?”

Cashier: “Broccoli. Oh, and cheese.”

Me: “And… what else?”

Cashier: “That’s all.”

(We didn’t eat there.)


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Hold Tight When Freudian Slipping

, , , , | Working | February 26, 2014

(I’m at the bank, where the teller is recounting my deposit to verify its accuracy, but she has difficulties taking the paper wrap off a bundle of one-dollar bills.)

Me: “Uh-oh, did I wrap it too tight? I’m sorry!”

Teller: “Just a little, but that’s okay! Better to be tight than loose!”

(Her coworker beside her bursts out laughing and I fail to suppress a giggle. The teller looks confused for a moment before she realizes what she’s said.)

Teller: “Well, it’s true!”


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How To Polarize Your Customers

, , , , , | Working | February 25, 2014

(I live in a small village, and have been a customer of this bank for fourteen years. I am in there three or four times a week, and I know almost every employee. On this visit, there is a new teller. I just walked in the door and am the only customer in line. I wear glasses with transitions lenses.)

Teller: “I can help whoever is next!”

Me: “Morning. I just want this check cashed, please.”

Teller: “Actually, I’ll need you to remove your sunglasses first. It’s a bank security policy.”

Me: “Oh, sorry. These aren’t sunglasses; they’re my regular glasses. It’s pretty bright outside so they got dark. They’ll lighten up in a minute.”

Teller: “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you until you remove your sunglasses.”

Me: “These… aren’t sunglasses. They’re regular glasses. I can’t see without them.”

Teller: “I understand that, but you need to remove your sunglasses. I can’t assist you until you do that. It’s a bank security policy.”

Me: “Um, is there another teller available?”

Teller: “No. I’ll be right back.”

(The teller leaves and comes back with the bank president, someone who goes to my church and that I’ve known for years.)

Me: “Hey, [President].”

President: “Hey, [My Name]! So, [Teller] says that I have a belligerent customer who’s breaking security policy. Of course, it’s you. You want to rob us, too, while you’re here?” *laughs*

Me: “Maybe later. I’ve got a lot to do right now. Hey, can I get my check cashed? She said that she wouldn’t help me until I ‘took off my sunglasses.'”

President: “Sure! [Teller], cash the lady out. Don’t come back and get me unless she tries to rob you. See ya, [My Name]!”

(He walks back towards his office, and the teller cashes my check without looking at me. By the time she hands me my money, my glasses have completely lightened.)

Teller: *after counting back my money* “You know, you could have just said something instead of making me look bad. Was it so hard to take off your sunglasses?”

Me: “You have a great day, too.”

(I’ve haven’t seen her there again.)


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Just Lost Their Chemistry

, , , , | Working | February 20, 2014

(I am twenty years old and opening a new bank account. The account manager is trying to make small talk with me while the information processes. I should note that I appear to fit the “skinny blonde girl” stereotype.)

Manager: “So, are you in school?”

Me: “Yes. I just started my third year.”

Manager: “And what are you studying?”

Me: “I’m doing a double major in chemistry and physics.”

Manager: *stops typing and scrunches her face up a little* “Oh… wow. Really? Science? Are you sure that’s not too hard for you?”

Me: “Um, yes. I really enjoy it, and I seem to have a knack for it. I just aced a course on relativistic physics.”

Manager: “I didn’t expect you to say that. I expected something fluffy like interior decorating or fashion design. If you could excuse me for a second, I, uh, need to go get something from the back.”

(She walked away. Someone else came to finish up the paperwork as the original woman “was suddenly called away.”)


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Totally Four-Scored

, , , , , | Working | December 2, 2013

(It is Veteran’s Day. Our store is giving discounts to veterans. Two women are in line to check out.)

Customer: “I served in Iraq. Do you need proof that I was in the service?”

Cashier: “Nope!”

Customer: “Okay. I thought I’d ask.”

(The next customer in line, a 70-something-year-old woman, steps up.)

Next Customer: *jokingly* “I served in the Civil War!”

(The funny thing is that the cashier actually gave her the discount. The customer had to tell her she was joking.)


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