I am sitting at a gate in an airport waiting for my flight to start boarding. A frantic woman runs up to the desk agent near the gate. The woman has a leashed dog with her.

Woman: “Where is the pet relief area?!”

Desk Agent: *Turns to look at the dog* “Hi, puppy!”

Woman: “Excuse me, ma’am! Where is the pet relief area?!”

Desk Agent: *Sarcastically* “Well, excuse me for talking to your dog!”

Woman: “I don’t care if you sing opera to my dog. If you don’t tell me where the pet relief area is, she’s going to take a s*** right here!”

Desk Agent: “That’s okay if she does; it’s fine.”

Woman: *Turns to the dog* “Madeline, finish your business now.”

The dog promptly went number two. I felt my mouth hanging wide open in disbelief, and the gate agent’s face looked similar. To her credit, the woman fully cleaned up the mess with bags, spray, and napkins she kept in her purse.

Every week, one of the teams meets to discuss the weekly affairs and do some planning for the week ahead. Though I’m not part of that team so I don’t have to join the meeting, I often do as my work touches theirs quite frequently. Most of the meeting isn’t that relevant to me, but occasionally, my input is needed. Tomorrow, I’ll be unable to join at the start (which is the least interesting part of the meeting for me) due to a private appointment. I message the team lead of that team.

Me: “Hey, just letting you know I won’t be joining tomorrow’s meeting at 9:00 sharp.”

Teamlead: “The meeting is at 10:00 tomorrow.”

Me: “Ah, okay. My point still stands, then.”

A delivery driver comes to our office front door, looking for a nearby company with a similar name to ours. I answer his knock.

Me: “The roads here are a bit of a spider’s web, but if you take the first left and turn right immediately, their office will be straight in front of you.”

Driver: “There’s no road to turn right onto.”

Me: “You need to turn left and then immediately turn right.”

Driver: “I can’t turn right; there’s no road.”

Me: “I get that. You need to turn left and then right immediately after.”

Driver: “There’s no right to take.”

Me: “Because you need to turn left. After you’ve turned left, you can then turn right.”

Driver: “There’s no right there. Can you get someone else to help who knows what they’re talking about?”

Me: “You need to turn left, mate. Left. Turn left.”

Driver: “I CANNOT TURN RI— Oh, you meant left? Why didn’t you say so?”

Me: “I did. You need to turn left and then turn right.”

Driver: “Why didn’t you say that to start with, you [slur for a foolish person]?”

Me: “I’m done here. Good luck, and also f*** off, pal.”

I slammed the door. To heck with him!

I get telemarketing calls all the time; very often they want me to change my electricity provider or purchase their price guarantee which allegedly would prevent my electricity costs from exceeding a certain amount or something.

Me: “[My Last Name], hello?”

Telemarketer: “Hello, my name is [Telemarketer]. I’m calling on behalf of [Company]. Am I speaking to Mr. SanSan [My Last Name]?”

Me: “Um… no.”

Telemarketer: “Could I talk to Mr. SanSan [My Last Name], please?”

Me: “Would you please tell me where you got his name from?”

Telemarketer: “Mr. SanSan [My Last Name] recently participated in an online survey and agreed to be contacted about offers and ways to save money.”

Me: “I find that hard to believe.”

Telemarketer: “Well, I have a great offer for him, so could you please put him on the phone?”

Me: “If you insist.”

Telemarketer: “Thank you.”

I cover the mouthpiece and call for SanSan.

Me: “SanSan, did you do another one of those online surveys?”

SanSan just tilts his head and looks at me.

Me: “Ah, well, here’s a call for you.”

I place the phone at his head. The telemarketer begins his spiel.

Telemarketer: “Mr. SanSan [My Last Name]? I’m with [Company] and I’m calling about your electricity—”

SanSan: “BARK! BARK! BARK!”

Telemarketer: “WHAT THE H***?!”

I take the phone back.

Me: “Hello? Are you still there?”

Telemarketer: “What’s the big idea?! Why are you letting me talk to your dog?!”

Me: “You wanted to speak to SanSan, didn’t you? SanSan is my dog.”

Telemarketer: “F*** you!” *Hangs up*

Me: “No more online surveys, SanSan.”

There is an upscale restaurant here where you get your food by going to various cooking stations. There are stations for steaks, roast chicken, vegetables, desserts, coffee, etc. You collect what you want and then pay at the end.

The coffee station lists various fancy coffees, including Cafe au Lait for $2.80 and Cafe Latte for $2.95. One is of French origin and the other Italian.

I catch the barista’s attention.

Me: “What’s the difference between these two coffees?”

Barista: “Fifteen cents.”

As I expected.