Your Pay Is Weak

, , , , , | Working | August 10, 2017

(I work in an office that regularly addresses employee concerns, including payroll issues. Since many of our employees don’t work full-time hours or take extended time off, this is a frequent conversation.)

Employee: “Hey, I don’t think I got paid this week!”

Me: “Okay, let’s look into that. Are you signed up for direct deposit?”

Employee: “Yeah, but nothing went into my bank this week! Do you guys have a check here for me?”

Me: “Let me see.” *checks our live checks* “No, I don’t see any live checks here with your name. Have you checked your paystubs on the company website?”

Employee: “Yeah, and I didn’t see a paystub for last week. Why didn’t I get paid?”

Me: “Did you work last week?”

Employee: “Um… I think so. I worked a while ago.”

Me: “Okay. Well, when was the last day that you worked?”

Employee: “It was on [Date more than a week ago].”

Me: “The pay period you’re asking about is from [more recent date] through [even more recent date]. Did you work at all during that time?”

Employee: “Um, no, I don’t think so.”

Me: “Well, that’s why you didn’t get paid.”

Employee: “I thought we got paid every week here!”

Me: “That’s true, but you only get paid for the time you actually have worked.”

(I don’t know what company will pay someone for not working, but I’d sure like to work there!)

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They Can Help With Harassment Insurance

, , , , , , | Working | August 10, 2017

(I’ve been getting calls almost daily from an insurance company — although I am sceptical that it is one — and I’ve politely turned them down every time. This has been going on for about two weeks, with phone calls and flyers, and I finally have enough over the last two days.)

Day #1:

Rep #1: *goes into sales pitch*

Me: “Hold on a moment, I can’t hear you over my TV.”

Rep #1: “Oh, what are you watching, darling, The Kardaaaashians?”

Me: “Why, no, a History of Cannibalism– Hey, he hung up!”

Day #2:

(I call their listed number after getting three calls in 15 minutes, and the rep starts into the sales pitch.)

Me: “Hold it! I want to speak to a supervisor.”

Rep #2: “Ma’am, I can help you with all your insurance needs.”

Me: “Oh, not with this one. Supervisor, now.”

Supervisor: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Me: “Is your company aware what ‘harassment’ is?”

Supervisor: “Ma’am?”

Me: “I have been getting calls daily for two weeks from you guys, sometimes up to three times a day. When I don’t answer at work, I get called five minutes apart! I was insulted by your rep yesterday, and one called me ‘Mrs’, when my information clearly says ‘Miss.’ Minor, but to me that says you do not have proper authorization to my information, and are a scam. So, are these phone calls and flyers stopping, or do I need to go to the police for harassment?”

Supervisor: “Ma’am, we just want you to have the proper insurance in the case of an accident!”

Me: “Great, but I am rather old fashioned and do not conduct such business over the telephone with a cold caller! I have turned down every single call, I have not returned one flyer, and I do not like getting three calls in 15 minutes while I am at work! So, will the calls and flyers stop, or do I need to go to the police?”

Supervisor: “We’ll remove you from our list, ma’am. Have a nice day!”

(Rude of me, maybe. I get that they’re just doing a job. But enough was enough!)

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Loan Me A Helpful Answer

, , , , | Learning | August 2, 2017

(I’m getting ready for a semester abroad but haven’t received my loans yet. I’m only a couple weeks away from leaving and anxiously call my school’s financial department.)

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name plus all my relevant information]. I’m supposed to be getting [Loan] for this upcoming semester and I thought I was supposed to get it already. Could you tell me when it’s supposed to come in?”

Rep: “Loans aren’t going to be distributed until [Date a week into my abroad semester].”

Me: “Yeah, here’s the thing. I’m doing a semester abroad and it needs to be paid in a week, plus I still need to get my ticket. I was told when I talked to your department months ago that I would receive it by now and it’s still not in. Why isn’t it coming in?”

Rep: “All financial aid isn’t going to be distributed until [Date].”

Me: “Except I was assured that I would have my money by now because I’m doing a semester abroad, and the semester in [City] starts before the semester here, which means I’m supposed to get my money earlier! That’s what I was told by the study abroad office AND the financial aid office.”

Rep: “Well, it’s not going to be sent out until [Date].”

(We go back and forth for a while.)

Rep: “Why don’t you just pay for it yourself and use the loan to pay yourself back?”

Me: “If I could pay for it out of pocket, I wouldn’t need a loan!”

(I hung up and called back after I cooled off. Thankfully, the second call connected me to someone who actually was able to help.)

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Should Have Bread-Stuck To The Order

, , , , , | Working | July 2, 2017

(A coworker and I order pizza from a local pizza chain. When the order shows up, it’s missing part of it.)

Me: “Do you have the parmesan bread sticks? I don’t see it with our order.”

Driver: “You must not have ordered it.”

Me: “But I see it here on my receipt? Are you sure you don’t have it?”

Driver: “Oh! I accidentally delivered that to my last customer. I’m sorry about that. I’ll go get it.”

Me: “Wait, what?”

(Before we can stop him, he leaves the building.)

Me: *to Coworker* “I am so not taking it when he gets back. Did he really just go to his last customer to pick up our bread?”

(Ten minutes go by and he comes back holding the package of bread sticks.)

Driver: “Here you are! I got them back for you.”

Me: “Um. I’m not taking those.”

Driver: “What? You’re not? But I just got them back for you.”

Me: “I’m not taking those.”

(The driver got really flustered and called his manager. We could hear her reaction from several feet away.)

Driver: “So I accidentally gave part of their order to someone else and now they won’t take it after I got it back.”

Manager: “You did what?! You actually went back and got it from the previous customer?! You never do that! Ever!”

Driver: “But they wanted their bread sticks!”

Manager: “That is not okay! Put me on the phone with the customer.”

Me: “Hello?”

Manager: “I am so sorry. That should have never happened.”

(She ended up offering to redo our entire order or giving us a code worth about as much in free product for next time. We never saw that driver again.)

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Dollars To Donuts

, , , , | Working | June 30, 2017

(I have gone to the pharmacy to refill a prescription. The transaction goes completely normal until the very end after I’ve checked out.)

Worker: “Can I interest you in a free doughnut?”

(I look at her in confusion. I wasn’t expecting being offered a doughnut at 12:30 pm from my pharmacy tech, so my brain takes a bit to process that I did hear those words. After a moment, I shake my head.)

Me: “No, thank you!”

Worker: “…that was rather silly to offer someone picking up diabetes medication, huh?”

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