Want It To Excess

, , , , | Working | February 19, 2018

(It’s early in the morning but I see a [Fast Food Place], and I get hungry for my favorite ice cream dessert, a chocolate-dipped cone, and go inside.)

Me: “A medium, chocolate-dipped, vanilla cone, please.”

Employee: *goes to stir the chocolate used for dipping* “This hasn’t been turned on long; it might not be ready yet, but I’ll give it a try.

(The employee dips the cone in and pulls it out with a MASSIVE chocolate coating, much more of than I’ve ever seen before. I immediately fantasize about biting into such incredibly thick chocolate.)

Employee: “I don’t think this will work.”

(They turn the cone upside down over the chocolate warmer and shake it to remove excess chocolate. But, the weight of the chocolate causes the whole ice cream top to break off from the cone and fall into the chocolate. I feel a shock of disappointment.)

Employee: “I’ll try that again.”

(The employee starts to make another cone, and I feel encouraged. They dip it in the chocolate and it comes out, again, with MASSIVE chocolate coating, and they start to gently shake excess chocolate off.)

Me: “That’s okay like that.”

Employee: “I need to get the excess off.”

Me: “I’m okay with it.”

Employee: “But I need to get the excess off.”

Me: “Really, it’s no problem like that.”

Employee: “But the excess chocolate needs to come off.”

Me: “Really, I don’t mind. I’ll take it like that.”

(One final shake, and the ice cream and chocolate coating break off and fall into the chocolate.)

Employee: “Sorry. It’s just not hot enough yet. If you come back later we can make it for you.”

(I know I’m too old to care about an ice cream cone, but it felt like a tiny part of me died that morning.)

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Maybe Chicken Soup Doesn’t Quite Cure Everything

, , , , , | Working | February 19, 2018

Me: “Excuse me. Could you tell me which aisle I can find chicken broth in?”

Clerk: “Yes, we’re actually pretty close. I’ll show you where.”

Me: “Okay, great. Thanks.”

Clerk: *as we walk over* “How are you doing this morning?”

Me: “Oh, I’m doing pretty good. Thank you! How are you?”

Clerk: “I’m okay, but a little worried about my friend who’s undergoing a major surgery right now.”

Me: “Oh, uh, wow. That’s scary.”

Clerk: “Yeah, it’s a double lung transplant. He’s not really expected to make it through.”

Me: “Um, that’s intense. I’m sorry to hear that.”

Clerk: “Yeah… Well, here’s the broth.”

Me: “Yeah, um, thanks! I hope your friend does okay.”

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Restrained By Corporate Baggage

, , , , , | Working | February 19, 2018

(I’m a rather petite person, so when I go to a fast food place, I order a kid’s meal. This usually isn’t a problem.)

Me: “I’d like a chicken nugget kid’s meal, with a boy’s toy, but can I have it in a normal bag instead of the kid’s meal box?”

Cashier: “But… the kid’s meal comes in the kid’s meal box.”

Me: “Yeah, but can it… not? Just put everything that’s usually in it in a normal bag.”

Cashier: “But the kid’s meal comes in a kid’s meal box.”

(The cashier stares at me with complete distress before turning to talk quietly to a coworker. An employee with a “Manager” nametag walks over.)

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “I want a kid’s meal, but in a normal bag.”

(The manager looked at the cashier. The cashier looked bewildered and frightened. Without a word, the manager put the entire kid’s meal box in a large standard bag and held it out. I paid and left. Was it really that weird to ask for a kid’s meal in a normal bag?)

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You Want Time Off, Here’s Plenty

, , , , , | Working | February 18, 2018

Worker: “I need a couple of days off. My best friend’s step-cousin’s great aunt died yesterday.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Were you close?”

Worker: “No. I never met her.”

Me: “Why would you need time off, then?”

Worker: “Because I’m really upset.”

Me: “But you never met her.”

Worker: “So? There was a really nice Facebook post about her, and I think I would’ve liked her. I’ve been crying all morning.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there really isn’t much I can do. Bereavement is for close family only. If you need to take sick leave for mental health issues, that’s fine.”

Worker: “I don’t need sick leave. I need bereavement.”

(She then left work without telling anyone, and missed the rest of that week. She had some new tattoos and piercings when she came back, which was a breach of one of our policies, which states that you have to notify us if you are getting body modifications. It’s a stupid policy, but it is what it is. She was dragged into Human Resources and dismissed before the day was over. She tried to appeal the decision, citing discrimination. It didn’t work.)

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They Need To Be Set Straight

, , , , | Working | February 16, 2018

(I’m a customer, wandering around the mall with my husband to kill time while my phone is being repaired. I pass a kiosk that is selling hair-straightening devices. A worker spots me.)

Worker #1: “Hi! We’ve got a great deal today!”

Me: “No, thanks.” *keeps walking*

Worker #1: “Imagine no-damage, straight, shiny hair!”

Me: *over my shoulder* “No, thanks.”

(Later, I’m heading back to pick up my phone and I pass the same kiosk. The worker now has a coworker with them.)

Worker #2: “Hey! We can get rid of those curls for you!”

Me: “No, thanks!”

Worker #2: “No one wants curls!”

Me: “No!”

([Worker #2] then RUNS up behind me and tries to grab my hair. My husband blocks her, and I scream:)


Worker #2: “Geez! No need to be so rude! I’m just trying to help you get rid of those ugly curls!”

Husband: “Who is going to help you get rid of your ugly personality?”

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