Silently Rigged Against You

, , , | Working | November 15, 2017

(My mother lives in Norway. She’s visited us in Britain for a few days, after which I go back to Norway with her. Not long after we arrive, my mom needs to go to the bank. As we approach, I notice a lot of people are standing still. Inside, it’s eerily silent. But we shrug it off and approach the counter.)

Mum: “Hello.”

Teller: *looks at her, startled*

Mum: “I need to sort out–“

(The teller glares at her and turns away. My mum tries the others, but they quickly back off without saying anything.)

Mum: “That’s rude.”

Me: “Hold on. There’s a manager here. Excuse me. None of your staff will—”

Manager: “SHUSH!”

(Seconds later, everyone started talking again. It turned out that a Norwegian oil rig had turned over, killing most of the crew, and the country had decided to hold a minute’s silence. Being out of the country, we hadn’t heard about it.)

Enclosed In A Guilt Cage

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 15, 2017

I am at a zoo with my school to learn about the animals, and one of the volunteers asks if there are any questions. I can’t remember my exact question, but I say something about “cages.”

The woman goes very stern and says, “We say, ‘enclosures!’”

Guilty, much?

Looks Like A Turd Warmed Up

, , , , , | Working | November 15, 2017

(My boyfriend is dropping something off at our mutual friend’s workplace, a cleaners. He also needs to use the restroom, way in the back of the store.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, [Friend], why is there the middle seat of a minivan back here?”

Friend: “Oh, that’s our nap couch.”

Boyfriend: “Um, okay.”

Friend: “Yeah, there’s a bunch of weird stuff in here.”

Boyfriend: “WHY IS THERE A MICROWAVE IN THE BATHROOM?”

Friend: “That would be the other weird stuff.”

That Went From Zero To Ten Super Fast

, , , , , , | Working | November 14, 2017

(I’m waiting in a line to be served. The current customer has a young daughter with her who has been playing silently with a number book. The cashier takes notice. She is an elderly lady.)

Cashier: “Oh, are you learning you count?”

Girl: “Yep!”

Cashier: “Can you count to ten yet?”

Girl: *innocently* “Sure! Can you?”

(The cashier’s face turns sour.)

Cashier: “F*** you!”

(Everyone gasps, including the girl and her mother. Before anyone can react though, the little girl slaps her.)

Girl: “Naughty!”

(Then, chaos breaks loose as the cashier tries to climb over the counter while the mother scolds her daughter. The cashier then starts shouting for a manager and they all head for the store’s exit. The remaining line moves to another checkout and is seen to. As I leave the store, I still hear the cashier shouting, with a manager shouting over her.)

Manager: “WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO? PROSECUTE A TODDLER?”

(I imagine the mother probably got in trouble, but hopefully the repercussions weren’t too severe.)

Your Team Works Silently

, , , , , , | Working | November 13, 2017

(I work in the bakery section of a national grocery store chain. As we’re technically understaffed, I’m one of only two closers on the payroll and work closing five or six days a week. This means I’m alone in the bakery from about 4:00 pm until I clean up and shut things down at around 8:00 pm. This takes place while my manager is packing up to leave for the day.)

Manager: “All right, [My Name], I’m out. You’re in charge.”

Me: *looks back at the empty bakery* “You hear that, team?!”

Manager: *starts laughing*

(He told me later that he was still chuckling about it on the way home. Good to know I have good quips sometimes.)