Fit For The Job

, , | | Hopeless | July 6, 2016

(I’m the owner of a gym that is open 24/7. We get a new member who seems to be there all day. I think nothing of it until I show up one day at 8 am and the man is sleeping in the male locker room.)

Me: “Hey, you all right there?”

Man: *wakes up* “Huh?! Oh, sorry! I’m usually up before anyone gets here. Um… is there a problem?”

Me: “Did you just fall asleep in the gym?”

Man: “Sorry. See, the thing is, I’m homeless. I spent what little money I had left on a membership here so that I had roof above my head at all times.”

Me: “Ooookay, but, how do you eat?”

Man: “I’d… rather not answer that.”

Me: “What, you steal our cash or something?”

Man: “What? No! No, I don’t! I just ask the other members to treat me. I feel

horrible as I can’t pay them back.”

Me: “I see. Hey, are you good with the equipment we use here at the gym?”

Man: “Uh… yeah. Why?”

Me: “You’ll get half salary until you’ve treated all members who treated you to food. For the time being, you’re a janitor; you’re in charge of making sure everything works properly. All right?”

Man: “Y-you mean to tell me you’re hiring me?!”

Me: “Have you done drugs or do you have an alcohol problem?”

Man: “No! I hate both things! I was fired because my now ex-wife slept with my ex-boss and he had me fired when I found out!”

Me: “… oh.”

(Four years later and he’s now my most trusted employee!)

Originally posted on Not Always Working.

Tipping Over The Top

, , , | CA, USA | Hopeless | July 6, 2016

(I am the customer. I’ve had bariatric surgery so I’m very limited on what and how much I can eat. My husband likes a certain dish at this restaurant, so we go and I as usual order a glass of water. I usually eat a third of his salad and maybe a bite of his seafood. I feel really guilty about not ordering a meal, so to make ME feel better, I always double tip the server. I get the bill, see the little calculation for tip on the bottom, and doubled the 20%… in cash. The server looked at me like she was going to cry.)

Server: “Oh, you don’t have to do that!”

Me: “It makes ME feel good; because I’ve had bariatric surgery and why should you still do all that work to serve us even though I don’t eat?”

(She was overcome; I guess that’s the nicest anyone had been to her that day.)

It’s A Retail Thing

, , | New Britain, CT, USA | Hopeless | July 5, 2016

(I work at a sandwich shop. One of the customers, who comes in every single day, is a cashier at a grocery store across the way, and I pretty much hate him. Nothing specific, but every time he comes in he is completely disengaged from the employee serving him and he snaps at you if you ask him to repeat part of his order, or groan out loud if you ask if he wants a value meal. Whenever he comes in I brace myself for the most awkward order ever, yet I must be as professional but plastic as humanly possible, and I am prepared that no matter what I do I will get it wrong somehow. I see him walking across the parking lot, and he already has THAT face on, like he is already in an impatient mood, but I do something different. I look up, and instead of bracing for the worst, I physically relax myself and put on a big, tired smile. The customer before him has just finished their order, packed up, and passed him going out the door. I greet the regular with my big tired smile and gesture at the gentleman who just left.)

Me: “That guy. He’s usually so great, but I don’t know what I did today. Everything was wrong. It wasn’t like, anything specific, but he kept snapping at me and I didn’t know what to do.”

(I am lying. The previous customer did no such thing.)

Me: “I’m glad you’re the next customer. I don’t know what I’d do if the next customer was worse.”

Regular: “Oh?”

Me: “Yeah, you’re pretty low key when someone messes up because you totally get that it’s not on purpose; it’s just a customer service thing.” *gesturing at his name badge* “I’m just glad I’ve got a pleasant friendly face to deal with right now; you’re one of my easy customers, and I appreciate it. So, yeah, bread. You usually get wheat, right?”

(The rest of the transaction went SO MUCH SMOOTHER. As I worked we spent a minute chit chatting about customers in general and how our days were. When I asked him to clarify part of his order he just smiled and repeated himself gently instead of snapping this time. He didn’t get annoyed with my scripted upsell asking if he’d like to “make it a meal,” he paid, and he left. And every other time after that he came in, he WAS, FOR REAL, the most low-key, pleasant customer I had, and he would look for me specifically to handle his order. Turns out I am the tamer of beasts!)

You’ve Got A Ticket To Ride

, , | USA | Hopeless | July 1, 2016

(I’m at a theme park with my friends. It’s towards the end of the day, and I’m out of tickets, but I’m still enjoying myself by watching my friends go on rides. They decide to go on the teacups and I’m prepared to wait.)

Operator: “There’s room for one more. You can go with your friends.”

Me: “Oh, I ran out of tickets.”

Operator: *shrugs and motions his head towards my friends* “Go ahead.”

Me: “Oh, my goodness!, Thank you!”

(After the ride was done we were joking and laughing while we waited for the guy to let us out, but the operator just looked at us, smiled, and let us go a second time for free! It made me smile for the rest of the day.)

They Haven’t Tire-d Of You Yet

, , , | Medicine Hat, AB, Canada | Hopeless | June 30, 2016

(I am on a road trip by myself from Manitoba to Alberta, about 12 hours of driving. My car is in rather rough shape, but I had gotten it tuned up before the trip and am trying to keep an eye on everything as I go. One of the things I check at each stop is the tire pressure, but somehow I never actually notice that my tires are so badly worn the metal wire is sticking through. Needless to say, my tire blows as I am driving. I pull onto a side road when I feel it going, and start the process of changing the tire for a spare. It’s getting late; I want to finish quickly so I can get to a store to fix the tire before everything closes. Unfortunately all the lug nuts are badly rusted, so I am really struggling when a convertible pulls up beside me.)

Driver: “Are you all right?”

Me: “Yes and no. I’m fine, but I can’t get this tire off.”

Driver: “Maybe I can help. Oh, wow, this tire is worn down to the wire.”

Me: “Wire?”

Driver: “You didn’t notice all the metal showing through? You’re lucky this didn’t blow while you were driving.”

Me: “Oh, geeze. I’ve been checking the tire pressure constantly and didn’t even notice. Yikes.”

Driver: “Your other front tire’s the same.”

(At this point I am starting to freak out a bit. I am very far from home, neither tire is coming off even with help, and I have no idea how I am going to get to a store to get new tires.)

Driver: “These aren’t coming off. Come on. I was actually just heading to the tire shop. I’ll give you a lift and they can come get the car.”

Me: “Thank you!”

(The tire shop he is going to is literally only two blocks down that road. He is well-known to the employees, and when he explains the situation they were happy to get their truck and grab my car. They tow it back to the shop and got to work taking off the damaged tires.)

Employee #1: “What did you do to these tires?! [Employee 2], come see these!”

Employee #2: “How were you even still driving? There’s nothing left to them.”

Me: “I actually just got them this year. And I had the car checked before I left and no one mentioned they were in bad shape. I still can’t believe I didn’t notice the metal when I was checking tire pressure all along.”

Employee #2: “That’s insane. These are literally the worst tires I have ever seen.”

Employee #1: *has managed to get the first tire off and is looking at wheel hub assembly* “And everything in here is completely rusted.” *he literally breaks off bits of the rusted metal disk inside with his fingers*

Me: “Oh, no. Will it still work to get me through the rest of the trip?”

Employee #1: “Yes, it can still go a bit, but when you get back home you’ll need to either replace the entire assembly or the whole car.”

Me: “Okay. That’s good. The car is only supposed to be temporary anyway; it wasn’t expected to last more than a year, and it’s already been almost two.”

Employee #2: “If you’re going to get rid of the car anyway there’s no point in getting nice new tires for it. We can probably just re-tread your tires. I’ll go see if we have everything we need already.”

(They did have whatever they needed, and in less than an hour my car was ready to go again. The original helpful driver even offered to pay for the repair for me. I paid, and gave him a huge hug for all his help. I was so overwhelmed the whole time. Not only had I been so lucky that my tire blew when I was going slowly, but it had done so within blocks of an awesome tire shop, and right when an amazingly kind stranger was about to pass. A major thank you to that friendly driver and those helpful employees. Because of them my trip went great and I made it home safely.)

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