I’m Sure Felicity Smoak Could Knock One Together

, , , , , , , | Working | March 19, 2018

(As an archer, I am looking for a shooting glove to protect my fingers from the string when I draw. Of course, I know that if I ask for it by its real name, the person who works in a store with so much product won’t know what I’m talking about. So, when I walk over to a really young guy working there, I ask:)

Me: “Hi. Can you please tell me where the archery gloves are?”

(His eyes go wide with excitement.)

Salesperson: “Oh, my God. That is so cool!

Me: “What do you think I’m asking for?”

Salesperson: “A glove that shoots arrows!

Me: “Yeah… That would be cool, but no, that’s not what I’m after.”

(I explained what I wanted, and he was so crestfallen as he pointed me in the — kinda — right direction.)

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There Are Plenty More Crackers In The Sea

, , , , | Right | March 19, 2018

(My family and I are at a food truck. My four-year-old sister has just dropped her goldfish crackers and is crying.)

Employee: “Why is she crying?”

Mom: “Oh, it’s okay. She dropped her goldfish and they fell under your truck.”

Employee: “OH, MY GOD!”

Mom: “It’s okay; we have more in the car.”

Employee: *to worker in the truck* “Can we please move the truck? I want to try and save them!”

Coworker: “Goldfish? Like the crackers?”

(We realized she thought my sister dropped a bag of real, living goldfish under the truck.)

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How To Insult Multiple Generations

, , , , , | Working | March 17, 2018

(There’s a pretty big gap in age between my two half-siblings and me. Our dad got married for the first time when he was a senior in high school, had my brother and sister pretty close together, then married my mom much later and they had me. There’s at least a 20-year age gap between us, and I’m used to them being mistaken for my aunt or uncle. Once, someone even asked if my brother was my dad. When I am 13 years old, my sister gives birth to my niece. I love being an aunt, and I want to go with my sister to a sale at a local store for baby clothes. We pick several things out, and I’m pushing the stroller for my sister so she can count all of her items. Everything is going fine, and then we get up to the register.)

Cashier #1: “Did you find everything you needed today?”

Sister: “Yes! I’ll take these items, please.”

Cashier #1: “Sure!” *she sees my niece* “Oh, what a cute baby!”

Me: *excited to be out with my sister and niece* “Isn’t she? She’s so good; she slept through the whole shopping trip.”

Cashier #1: *to my sister* “It must be so nice having a day out with your daughter!”

Sister: “Yes, it is–“

Cashier #1: “And your granddaughter!”

Sister: *stares at the cashier, looks back at me, then to her again* “That’s my sister. She’s thirteen years old. The baby is my daughter.”

Cashier #1: *blushes a little* “Oh, I’m so sorry!”

Me: “It’s okay! We’re pretty far apart in age, so…”

Cashier #2: *overhears us and interrupts* “Don’t apologize to them! She shouldn’t be lying to cover up for her daughter’s mistakes!”

(My sister, [Cashier #1], and I are all speechless for a moment. [Cashier #2] gives me a dirty look and walks away.)

Cashier #1: *looking mortified* “I am so sorry!

Sister: *sighs* “It’s okay. Let’s just check out before she comes back. I really do want these items.”

Me: “Hey, [Niece] is awake! Want to look at her?”

(I held my niece up, and seeing her squishy baby face seemed to make the cashier feel better. We checked out and went back to my sister’s house. When we got there, we realized that the cashier had given us an extra discount on some of the clearance items, and had included a coupon for a future purchase. My sister really wasn’t that offended by [Cashier #1]’s misunderstanding; it was [Cashier #2] that threw us for a loop. Although, my sister told me she went back to the store a few weeks later to use her coupon, and found out that [Cashier #2] was “no longer with the company.”)

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Something About That Employee, But I Can’t Put My Finger On It

, , , , , | Working | March 16, 2018

My dad is the manager of a local gas station chain. He’s a really social guy, and it’s a fairly popular gas station in a relatively small town, so he knows basically everyone — or at least, they know him.

He’s driving while talking on the phone — using Bluetooth, of course — and gets a little distracted, so he doesn’t realize he’s driving a little too slowly, maybe five miles under the speed limit. A car honks at him, which snaps him back to paying attention, and then the other driver aggressively begins to pass him. As they drive by, the passenger glares and raises a certain finger, then suddenly looks horrified and backs down. Dad can’t help but laugh; it’s one of his employees.

Her next shift, she apologizes profusely. Now, every time she comes into work, Dad teases her that she has road rage.

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A Sauce Of Confusion

, , , , , , | Working | March 15, 2018

(I go to a sandwich shop for lunch. There’s one girl making sandwiches alone, but luckily it isn’t busy, because this ensues:)

Me: “I’d like the regular chicken carbonara on wheat, please.”

Worker: “For here or to go?”

Me: “For here.”

(She starts making my sandwich.)

Worker: “I accidentally put ranch on it.”

(She then starts to put other toppings on it.)

Me: “Wait! I don’t like ranch!”

Worker: “Oh… I’ll just start a new one, then? Do you even want alfredo sauce?”

Me: “Yeah, that’s what comes on the sandwich.”

Worker: “And it’s to go?”

Me: “For here.”

Worker: “I thought you said to go.”

(My sandwich turned out as described by some miracle! I still can’t believe she was just going to try to sub alfredo for ranch, instead of just making the sandwich I asked for.)

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