Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Your Urgency Is Not My Emergency

, , , , | Legal | June 1, 2008

Me: “9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “My phone’s been shut off and the only number I can call is 9-1-1.”

Me: “Are you calling about your phone being shut off or do you have an emergency?”

Caller: “My phone. I paid my bill. It should be working.”

Me: “You’ll have to take that up with the phone company.”

Caller: “Well, can you tell them to turn it back on? I paid my bill.”

Me: “No, you’ll need to contact them. This is the police department and this is an emergency line. I’m going to have to disconnect the call. You need to contact the phone company to get your phone turned back on.”

Caller: “But my phone’s not working! I need it fixed now!”

Me: “I’m sorry. This is the police department. We can’t fix your phone. You’ll need to hang up and contact your phone company. We can’t do anything about your phone.”

Caller: “Well, that’s not right! I need help. My phone isn’t working and what if I need it? What if I have an emergency?”

Me: “You just dialed 9-1-1.”


Did you find this story using our Emergency Services roundup?

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to get back to the roundup!

1 Thumbs
4,041

Getting Your Priorities Straight

, , , , | Right | March 25, 2008

(A guest approaches the hotel front desk.)

Guest: “Um, hi… it looks like there was a pretty bad accident right down the street there…”

Me: “Oh okay, I’ll call 911.”

Guest: “It looks like a cab and a bus.”

Me: “Okay, thank you.” *picks up the phone*

Guest: What are you doing?

Me: “Calling 911.”

Guest: “Look, a lot of people have cell phones, I’m sure it’s fine. What I’m concerned about is that I think that was my cab.”

Me: “…?”

Guest: “SO ARE YOU GOING TO CALL ME A CAB OR NOT?!”


Did you find this story using our Taxi Diver roundup?

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to get back to the roundup!

1 Thumbs
2,940

Thankfully, He’s Okay … Unfortunately, He’s Still Stupid

, , | Right | February 4, 2008

Me: “911, is this an emergency?”

Caller, screaming: “I have been trying to call you on the CB radio for an hour!”

Me: “We don’t monitor CB radio, do you have an emergency?”

Caller: “Of course you have CB radio, I see the cops talking on them all of the time!”

Me: “Those are police radios; they operate on a different radio frequency band. Do you have an emergency?”

Caller: “F*** you! F***ing lazy b*****d, this lady’s house is burning to the ground while you watch Showtime and ignore the CB!”

Me: “What is your location, sir?”

Caller: “I am–”

(At this time I hear a large BANG and the phone drops. A few moments later the man picks up the phone and tells me that his truck was fully involved and that was his tires exploding. He had parked his truck at the door of the house to load belongings while he tried to call on his CB. Both the house and truck were a total loss.)

1 Thumbs
1,893

Proof That God Is A Chinese Lady

, , | Right | January 16, 2008

Me: “We’re going to take you to the hospital.”

Patient: “NO! I don’t wanna go there! They’ll arrest me!”

State Trooper: “Did you do anything wrong?”

Patient: “NO! I don’t wanna go to the hospital!”

Me: “Well, you’re pretty banged up. We have to take you for your own good.”

Patient: “NO! The Chinese lady is gonna stick an AIDS needle in my a**!”

Me: “There are no Chinese ladies at this hospital.”

Patient: “I’m scared! Last time I went to the hospital the Chinese lady stuck an AIDS needle in my a** and I bled out of my a**!”

Me: “Don’t worry; we won’t let any Chinese ladies near you.”

(We get to the hospital.)

Me: *to my partner* “Oh, my God, his nurse is Chinese.”

Patient: *as we walk away* “STAY AWAY!”

1 Thumbs
5,636

The Joys Of Self Righteousness

, , | Right | January 1, 2008

Caller: “Hello, I’d like to report a ticket.”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Caller: “I want to report a speeding ticket.”

Me: “I don’t really have the ability to write tickets over the phone.”

Caller: “He’s speeding down the road; he must be doing 90 mph!”

Me: “Generally, at this time of day we have patrols on every major street.”

Caller: “I caught up to him and he is doing about 102. His license plate is [Plate Info].

(I pretend to write it down so I can end this phone call.)

Me: “Thank you, I’ll get right on mailing this–”

Caller: “Did it come up?”

Me: “Yes, it did.”

Caller: “What did it say?”

Me: “It says the car is stolen.” (It didn’t.)

Caller: “Oh, my god!”

Me: “And what is your driver’s license number?”

Caller: “Why do you need that?”

Me: “You are aware it is illegal to drive and talk on your cellphone, right?”

Caller: *click*

1 Thumbs
5,203