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They’re Probably Grumpy In The Daytime Too

, | Norman, OK, USA | Crazy Requests

(I work as a dispatcher for a university police department. I work night shift. I stay up all night even on my days off. It is about two or three in the morning and the phone rings.)

Me: “[My Name], Police Department.”

Caller: *an older female* “Y’all need to turn your stadium lights off!”

(Football is a religion in this town. The gigantic football stadium is practically right in the middle of everything, and its lights are often kept on at night for workers.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “I’m trying to sleep and those d*** lights are shining right into my house!”

Me: I’m sorry about that, ma’am. It’s up to the athletic department to turn the lights on and off, but I can pass it along to my lieutenant and see if anything can be done.”

Caller: *further ranting about not being able to sleep and how inconsiderate the university is, etc. before hanging up*

(Had I not been on a recorded line, I might have pointed out the irony to her in calling a night shift worker in the middle of the night and complaining about not being able to sleep to someone who has to sleep in the middle of the day. With the noise. And the light. And the traffic…)

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Their Consideration Comes Crashing Down

| ME, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(I’m on bike patrol when I hear on the radio that a man suffered a heart attack while driving and crashed his truck in the middle of a busy bridge in our city. I pedal over to offer any assistance for traffic control, and see that there are two ambulances already arrived and the paramedics are actively performing CPR on the driver in the middle of the road. The regular patrol officers are diverting traffic carefully but slowly past the scene, so I pedal back to the beginning of the bridge to signal drivers to slow down as they approach.)

Man: *in his car, rolling down window* “Hey! What the f*** is the hold up here?!”

Me: “There was a crash on the bridge up ahead.”

Man: “Well, they should really do something about the f****** traffic!”

Me: “Sir, I think they’re doing the best they can, but like I said, there was a CRASH on the bridge. I think they’re a bit preoccupied at this moment.”

Man: “Well, they need to do something about this f****** traffic! I have places to be and s*** to do! This is f****** bull-s***!”

Me: “SIR, there are paramedics up there right now, doing CPR on someone as we speak! You’re just going to have to be patient.”

Man: “I don’t see why I should be inconvenienced because of this! You people need to do your jobs and move the f****** traffic!”

Me: “EXCUSE ME, SIR! There is someone up there, RIGHT NOW, actively DYING in the middle of the road. So just SIMMER DOWN and shut up, because your problems are just not that important right now!”

Man: “Well, they’re important to me!”

(He rolled up his window with a scowl and continued honking, making impatient gestures, and easing as obnoxiously close to the car in front of him as possible the entire time it took him to get past the scene of the crash.)

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Doesn’t Have The Head For This Kind Of Work

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Popular

(I work as a dispatcher for my hometown.)

Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “My husband has been lying on the couch moaning in pain all day; I think he needs to go to the hospital. My address is [address].”

Me: “Okay, an ambulance is on the way. Did your husband eat anything unusual today?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Does he have any allergies?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Where did he say the pain is coming from?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay, but did he do anything unusual today that could cause his pain?”

Caller: “Um, well, he shot himself in the head this morning.”

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Not Very Helpful Advice

| UT, USA | Extra Stupid

Me: “911, what is the address of your emergency?”

Caller: *who sounds like an elderly woman* “How much does it cost to mail a package to India?”

Me: “I’m… sorry, what?”

Caller: “I have to mail a package to India. How much does it cost?”

Me: “Ma’am, do you need the police or an ambulance?”

Caller: *now angry* “No! But they told me to call this number if I needed help, and I need help!”

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Nine-Dum-Dum

| USA | Extra Stupid, Popular

(Upon answering the 911 line, I immediately prompt the caller to give me the address of the emergency where units are to respond out to. I’ve gotten the address and callback number, and have found out that a young girl is having a sudden onset of blindness and lethargy. The ambulance has been dispatched, and is en-route, and I’m trying to give post dispatch instructions when I hear loud noises, yelling, and what sounds like a car horn in the background.)

Me: “Ma’am, I need you to tell me what’s happening right now. What is that noise I’m hearing?”

Caller: “Oh, that’s my mom. She’s honking the horn at the other drivers.”

Me: “What other drivers? I thought you said you were with the patient?”

Caller: “I am. We’re driving to the hospital.”

Me: *trying not to sound exasperated* “Then why did you call for an ambulance to be dispatched to [Address]?”

Caller: “Oh…”

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