Juiced Up On Idiocy

, , , | Healthy | November 6, 2017

(I’m a nurse working on a medical-surgical floor. One night, I am assigned to a certain patient who is known to be extremely difficult, and honestly, a bit of an idiot. He is very uncooperative, and won’t even let us put an IV in him. He has a mess of medical problems, particularly uncontrolled diabetes. We check all diabetics’ blood sugar levels throughout the day in order to control their levels with insulin shots.)

Me: “Good morning. I have to check your blood sugar.”

Patient: “Whatever.”

(I check the level and it’s shockingly low. A normal blood sugar level is 60 – 120. His is 40.)

Me: “Sir, your sugar is very low. Let me get you some juice to boost it up.”

Patient: “I can’t drink juice. I’m diabetic.”

Me: “Yes, but in this case, juice will help boost your sugar quickly. We don’t want it to drop any lower. Lemme get you orange juice, okay?”

Patient: “Fine.”

Me: *comes back later with a cup of OJ* “Here.”

Patient: “I don’t want that.”

Me: “Sir, I just told you that you need to take some juice for your sugar.”

Patient: “I don’t like OJ.”

Me: *a little annoyed that he didn’t tell me so in the first place* “All right. What will you take?”

Patient: *after a few minutes thinking* “I want apple juice.”

Me: “Fine.” *leaves and comes back with apple juice* “Here. Drink this.”

Patient: “I don’t want that.”

Me: *at this point, I’m in complete disbelief* “Sir, you just told me you would drink if I got you apple juice instead of OJ!”

Patient: “I’m diabetic. I can’t drink juice.”

Me: “But your sugar is low and we really need to boost it up. It’s dangerous to have low blood sugar.”

Patient: *getting angry* “You can’t force me to do what I don’t wanna do! Don’t try to trick me into taking that juice! I don’t even like apple juice!”

(At this point, I’m about ready to throw the juice in his face. I leave the room just as the doctor passes by with some surgical students, asking what’s up. I explain the situation to the doctor.)

Doctor: “Let us talk to him.” *takes the juice from me and walks in with the students*

(I leave to take care of another patient. Five minutes later, I return to see the students coming out of the room one by one, all of them shaking their heads and chuckling. Finally the doctor comes out and I ask him if he took the juice.)

Doctor: *shakes his head* “That man is an absolute idiot. Just make sure he gets breakfast. If he passes out, let us know.”

A Cereal Snacker

, , , | Healthy | November 6, 2017

(I’m a hospital nurse. In my experience, some patients tend to see the hospital as some sort of medical hotel, where they’re allowed to ask for whatever they like whenever they like just because they’re sick.)

Patient: *at two in the morning, at the other end of the unit* “HEY! HEY! SOMEBODY HELP ME OUT!”

Me: *coming in, resisting the urge to smack him for waking up the d*** unit instead of just using his call bell* “Yes, sir, how can I help you?”

Patient: “I want cereal.”

Me: *utter disbelief* “Sir, it’s two in the morning. We don’t have any cereal.”

Patient: “Then go to the kitchen and get me some cereal.”

Me: “The kitchen is closed and won’t open until morning. You’ll have to wait until breakfast.”

Patient: “But I’m hungry now!”

(Keep in mind that this patient has a history of uncontrolled diabetes and has even lost a foot. He usually keeps a stash of food in his room against our advice, and his blood sugar is always extremely high due to snacking and refusing medications. We always try to limit his snacks to better control his sugar.)

Me: “Sir, you already had your dinner and your snack for tonight. You need to wait until morning. We don’t have any more snacks for you.”

Patient: “This is the worst hospital ever. First you try to poison me with your whacked drugs and then you wanna starve me all night long? Why can’t you give me any cereal?”

Me: *already past my limit and trying to keep an even tone* “Because this is a hospital, not a hotel. I’m not your maid; I’m your nurse. I’m not here to enable your bad habits and give you whatever you want just because you want it. I’m here to help you maintain your health. But you’ve been uncooperative, rude, and downright disrespectful. You don’t like how things are here? You have the right to refuse. And you have the right to leave. But you can guarantee that you will be back. And you keep heading down this path, you can also bet that you’re gonna have more problems, too.”

Patient: “…”

Me: “…”

Patient: “…I’ll go to sleep and wait for breakfast, then.”

You Bagged A Good One

, , , , | Hopeless | August 19, 2017

(A couple of years ago I visited New York for a week. The morning before I flew back to the Netherlands, I visited an outlet mall very near the Newark airport. It’s incredibly hot weather, and it’s clear that the a/c at some of the stores can’t keep up. I visit a store where I find a beautiful leather travel bag that originally sold for $720 but is now on sale for $320 — a big discount but still quite a lot of money for me. A very friendly young saleswoman approaches me to see if I need assistance. She is very helpful and sweet, despite the fact that she and her co-worker are working in sauna temperatures.)

Me: “I really like this bag, but I’m sorry to say it’s a bit too much for me for an impulse buy!”

Saleswoman: “No problem, I totally understand. Let me check in the computer if there are any discounts I could offer.”

(She checks while I browse and find some socks and two belts that I certainly want.)

Saleswoman: “If you go to the concierge desk and ask for a coupon book, you can get a 20% discount!”

Me: “How can I say no to that?!”

(I leave my items on the counter, and go to the concierge desk. When I return to the store, I pass a coffee shop and get iced lattes for me and the two salespersons. When I get back to the store:)

Saleswoman: “I ordered the bag online for you, to pick up here and now, which gives you another 10% off!”

Me: “Wow, that is so cool! Okay if I thank you for that with these lattes?”

(They both were very pleasantly surprised and thanked me. I browsed a bit more, and headed for the checkout to pay for the bag, which they already had packed for me. They thanked me again for the lattes, and I left. The next day, back home in the Netherlands, I unpacked the travel bag. When I opened it, inside I found the socks and the belts, gift-wrapped, and a note that said: “You made our day! XOXO Haley & Michelle.”)