Dumb & Dumbar

| Learning | May 28, 2013

(I’m a substitute teacher for a first grade class. We are going over words with the “AR” sound.)

Me: “Okay, guys! What’s another word we can use with the ‘AR’ sound?”


Me: “Come on! I know you guys have something! I tell you what, I’ll give you a hint. You all already know your letters and numbers and you’re really good at writing, so this class must be very…”

Student: “DUMBER!”

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Happy Wife, Happy Life Lessons

| Learning | May 27, 2013

(The students have just finished listening to a story about two children fighting, and are writing a response to what they would do if they got into a fight with a friend. In the story, the fight took place between a girl and a boy. The student in this interaction is a boy.)

Me: “So, [student], what would you do?”

Student: “She’s the girl, so I would just agree with whatever she said.”

(I had to walk away because I was laughing so hard. This young man will make an excellent husband someday!)

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911 101

| Learning | May 18, 2013

Student: *accidentally bumps me* “Ohhh, I need an ambulance. Call 311!”

Me: “Uh, yeah, that’s the number for city services. I don’t think it’ll do you much good.”

Student: “Then what’s the number for 911?”

Me: “Think about what you just said.”

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Let The Children Twilight The Way

, | Learning | May 17, 2013

(I’m teaching art lessons to a group of kids ages six to eight. I am trying to convince a girl to paint a shadow on her painting of a puppy.)

Me: “If the puppy is outside on a sunny day, you would see his shadow on the ground. We all have shadows. You have a shadow. I have a shadow. I guess the only way he wouldn’t have a shadow is if the puppy was a vampire.”

Little Girl: *rolls eyes* “Uh, Ms. [my name], if the puppy was a vampire he would have a shadow. He wouldn’t have a reflection.”

(I admit it; I was completely owned by an eight-year-old girl!)

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Lip Father, Lip Son

| Learning | May 13, 2013

(I’m getting my master’s degree so I can teach, so my aunt decides to invite me to her classroom one day so I can get some experience by spending an afternoon with her students. While we’re eating lunch in the teacher’s lounge, my aunt introduces me to somebody from my dad’s past.)

Aunt: “Oh, I want you to meet [teacher’s name]. [Teacher’s name], this is my nephew.”

Teacher: “Hmmm, you wouldn’t happen to be [my dad’s name]’s son, would you?”

Me: “You know my dad?”

Teacher: “Oh yeah, we dated back in high school.”

Me: “Wow, that’s crazy!”

Teacher: “Yeah, we were pretty serious back then.”

Me: “Um…”

Teacher: “50 years ago…”

Me: “…”

Teacher: “You know, you have your father’s lips.”

Me: *quickly rushing out of the lounge* “I’m going to go see if the students want somebody to referee their kickball game! Bye!”

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