Good Thing The Players Were Smarter Than Their Fans

, , , , , | Learning | February 12, 2020

(It’s the Friday before our local pro football team is going to play in The Big Game, and most students at the school where I teach are wearing team gear. One student comes into the classroom with the star quarterback’s jersey on, but has it on backward.)

Teacher: “Dude, [Student], your shirt’s on backward.”

Student: “Huh?”

Teacher: “Your shirt. It’s supposed to say [Player] on the back, not the front.”

Student: “Oh.”

Teacher: “If you want to go ahead and turn it around right here, you can; I won’t judge.”

Student: *spins on his heels and does a 360*

Teacher: “Never mind; go sit down.”

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They Haven’t Studied Occupations Yet

, , , | Learning | February 3, 2020

(I’m a teacher and have to go to the bathroom during my break. I hate stall bathrooms so I go to the single person bathroom and double-check the door is locked as young students will just barge in.)

Student: *frantically tries to open the door* 

(I give the student a minute to realize there is someone in here and that is why the door is locked, but the connection is not made.)

Me: “Knock first!” *thinking now he will realize*

(The kid starts pounding at the door.)

Me: “It’s occupied!”

Kid: “I don’t know what that means!”

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Proving These Things Can Be A Real Pain In The Butt

, , , | Healthy | February 3, 2020

(The vaccine for tuberculosis is called BCG and it’s given to newborn infants in many countries. It leaves a small scar that proves you have been vaccinated. In Malaysia, it is administered on the left shoulder. Up until the ’90s, kids used to get a booster shot in year six of primary school, around age 11 or 12. Since it’s reputed to be a rather painful jab, my entire class is already quite apprehensive when we’re lined up in front of the school nurse, and then this happens:)

Nurse: “Where’s your original BCG scar?”

Me: “It’s on my backside.”

Nurse: “What do you mean? How come you don’t have it on your shoulder?”

Me: “I was born in Singapore! In Singapore, they jab babies on the backside!”

Nurse: “I have to check.”

Me: “Can’t I just phone my parents and have them talk to you?”

(After arguing with her for a few minutes, I was so scared that I would have to lift my skirt and show the nurse my buttocks that when she finally gave in and just gave me the jab, the pain was actually a relief.)

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Will Need To Teach Some Assertiveness With That Therapy

, , , , | Learning | January 24, 2020

(When I am in the second grade, I attend speech therapy twice a week. Because of this, I am excused from regular lessons for the last hour of the day, and I walk from my classroom to the portable where therapy takes place un-escorted. My teacher has a very strong dislike of me which turns into abuse later on in the school year, but this is when I start to notice things aren’t right. It has been raining heavily the last few days with no signs of slowing down, so it is very dark outside and pouring buckets. I raise my hand near the time that I am to leave for my session.)

Me: “Mr. [Teacher]? It’s almost time for me to go; can I get dressed early so I’m not late?”

Teacher: “You cannot leave until I tell you to! And if you get out of your seat one moment before then, so help me, I will give you after-school detention!”

Me: “But Mr. [Teacher], it’s raining out and I have to put on my boots and my jacket…”

Teacher: “I said no! Now keep going with your worksheet until I tell you that you can go!

(I anxiously keep checking the time as I do the worksheet, knowing that if I don’t get to therapy on time, it could set back my progress. It’s now five minutes until my lesson starts, so I raise my hand again. This time, he ignores me. I keep my hand raised until it is time for my lesson to begin, and only then does he notice me.)

Teacher: “What, you’re still here? You better run or they’ll lock you out!” *laughs before pushing me out the door*

(Because of him, I had to run to my lesson — without my rain gear because he had locked me out of the classroom. The therapy assistant I had that day asked me why I looked like a soaked cat.)

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All That Glitters Is Blue

, , , , , | Related | December 24, 2019

(During our St. Nicolas celebration, it’s tradition for elementary school kids to participate in a Secret Santa in their class. They draw a name from the hat and buy a gift — usually about €5 — for the classmate whose name they draw. I am in a very cheap store, like a dollar store, and I overhear this boy — about 12 years old — and his mother, looking for a gift for his Secret Santa recipient.)

Mom: “How about this?”

Boy: “Oh, no, no-no-no.”

Mom: “But it’s cute!”

Boy: “Yeah, maybe, but not for [Girl]. Absolutely not for [Girl].”

Mom: “She said she wanted a crafts package; this is crafts. Any girl would love this.”

Boy: “But not [Girl].”

Mom: “Honey, please, I know what girls like, and girls like pink and cute stuff.”

(I spot a craft set with pink glitter, pink pompoms, pink rhinestones… It’s very pink.)

Boy: “But. Not. [Girl]! Mom, [Girl] is tough and cool. She never wears anything ‘cute.’” *does the quotations with his fingers* “And pink. She would never like that, she… Oh… This is it! This is it!”

(I can’t see what he picked.)

Mom: “What? Oh, no, honey. She will not like this.”

Boy: “Yes, she will. I saw her wear something like this once. This. Is. It.”

Mom: “But it’s blue!”

Boy: “It’s PERFECT!”

(He walked away, while his mother tried to convince him the girl will never like it. Yet, somehow… I think he made a great choice.)

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