Who Broke The Happy?!

| Learning | July 7, 2017

(I am a lifelong educator.)

Coworker: “[My Name], we love having you here. You’re always so bright and cheerful!”

Me: “Thank you, [Coworker]!”

Coworker: “We have a saying now: ‘If [My Name] isn’t happy, we’re all running around trying to figure out who screwed up and how to fix it.’”

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Need To Fire Their Fire Planner

| Learning | July 5, 2017

(I am the kind of kid who always does a risk assessment before I agree to try anything new. I move house when I am little, and not too long after I start school, I have my first fire drill there. We line up outside on a large tennis court on a tarmac area between the main building, and the newly built science department. The tennis court is open on the side next to the buildings, but because the main road lies beyond the other side, there is a high, metal link fence around three of the four sides.)

Me: “Miss? This is a fire drill, isn’t it?”

Teacher: “Yes, [My Name]. There’s no need to be scared; there’s not really a fire.”

Me: “Oh, I’m not scared about that, Miss. I’m just wondering why we all gather in the most dangerous place if there is a fire?”

Teacher: “There’s no need to worry. This place is safe, I promise.”

Me: “But we’re standing right between the science block, where all the chemicals are, and the food tech room, which is most likely to catch fire. And we’re on the tennis court, so if those two places do catch fire, there’s a really high fence all around us, and only two small gates for the whole school to get out of. We’d be trapped.”

(The teacher pauses, looks around, and frowns.)

Teacher: “I promise, we’re all safe, [My Name]. The drill is almost over, and we’ll all be going inside soon. Go wait in line.”

(I was still concerned, but I did as I was told. The teacher went to talk to the headmaster, who was standing in front of the assembly, and I could see her pointing to the buildings and fence. Next month, we had another fire drill, and this time, we lined up on the other side of school in the small off-shoot car park used for teachers’ cars, which left the main car park free for fire engines and the like. I felt a whole lot safer, but still couldn’t believe it took a seven year old for them to figure out that where they had been gathering might not have been the best place!)

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Soul Screwdriver

| Related | July 4, 2017

(I have just received a Sonic Screwdriver replica toy in the mail. Being excited, I take it with me when I walk up to the school to pick up my little brother. Instantly, he’s fascinated by it, though has no idea what the show is. Just that it lights up and makes noises.)

Brother: “Can I have that?”

Me: “No, I just got it.”

Brother: “You’re too old to have toys.”

Me: “I’m not giving you it, [Brother].”

Brother: “What can I give you for it?”

Me: “Nothing. It’s mine.”

Brother: “I will sell you my soul for it.”

(Where did that come from?)

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Will Do Nothing To Aid That Assumption

| Learning | July 4, 2017

(My grade eight teacher is teaching us sex ed.)

Teacher: “…and the theory is that HIV/AIDS originated in chimpanzees.”

Classmate: “…and it’s an STD?”

Teacher: “Yes, you know that!”

Classmate: “So… you’re saying that someone f***** a monkey?”

Teacher: “[Classmate]!”

(It was a logical assumption!)

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Had Them Typecast

, , , , , | Learning | June 6, 2017

(I have just been hired as a computers/technology teacher. I’ve decided to make my grade five and six classes learn touch typing, as it’s a valuable skill. I’m a bit worried they’re going to put up a fight and groan about it, as most of them just want to play computer games in class, so I have a trick up my sleeve that I hope will convince them to get on board. I have just made them all take a typing test. Most of them averaged 10-20 words per minute.)

Me: “Okay, guys, everyone come back and sit on the carpet. I want to show you something.” *I pull up the same typing test onto my computer which projects onto a board, so they can see my screen.* “I’m going to show you why we’re learning this.”

(I take the same typing test that they’ve just done. However I am a very fast typist and break 100 words per minute with zero errors. My students watch, first in silence, but as time ticks down they start to shout and chant. By the end of the test half of them are on their feet cheering me on. Not gonna lie; I feel like a superstar.)

Student: “Daaaaaang, she types faster than Usain Bolt runs!”

(I have them start the typing program and they literally run to their computers. After class ends I hear many of them talk about my typing skills as they file out of the room. The next day several students tell me they logged onto the program at home to practice more. They’re now so excited to learn, and would rather practice typing than play computer games in class. I love my job!)


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