An Instruction Deconstruction

, | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Right | March 16, 2016

(I answer a customer call.)

Customer: “I bought a VCR from you and I followed the cable provider instructions for hookup but I can’t get it to work.”

(I explains the correct hookup step by step.)

Customer: “But that isn’t how the cable provider instructions said.”

Me: “You followed the cable provider instructions and it doesn’t work?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Would you like to follow my instructions so that it does work?”

Customer: “Uh, okay…”

Needs To Install Some Intelligence

| St. Charles, MO, USA | Working | March 5, 2016

(I’m female, in a popular big box electronics store looking over computer components.)

Worker: *condescendingly* “The computer systems are all on display over on the counter.”

Me: *distracted* “Uh huh… What I need is a new LAN card. My on-board LAN has died. It sends packets, but nothing back. I’ve disabled it in settings… Ah, here’s what I need!”

Worker: *shocked look*

Me: “Thanks!”

(I then go around the corner to the USB drives. I pick one up, turn it around, and there is a sticker: “Ask about our free installation!” I look at the worker, showing them the sticker.)

Me: “Seriously?!”

Customer Ignorance Is Soda Pressing

, | Payson, UT, USA | Right | January 21, 2016

(I overhear this between an employee and a customer.)

Customer: “So, what is so great about this smartphone?”

Employee: “Well, it’s waterproof and—”

Customer: “Waterproof? There is no such thing!”

Employee: “I can assure you—”

Customer: “Prove it.”

(As I listen to this, the employee proceeds to dip it in the guy’s soda.)

Employee: “See, it works.” *proceeds to pull it back out and show that it works*

Customer: “Well, umm… the customer is always right!”

Just Type In ‘Born Yesterday’

, | Lansing, MI, USA | Right | January 20, 2016

(Whenever we access a customer’s account, they need to give us their pin number.)

Me: “All right, now, what’s your eight-digit pin number?”

Customer: “I don’t know… Oh! It’s my birthday!”

Me: *looking at them expectantly*

Customer: *looking at me expectantly*

Me: “aaannndddd what would that be?”

Having A Few Tech Errors

, | SC, USA | Working | December 16, 2015

(I’m dropping off a tablet with charging problems at the technical support desk of a national retail chain where I purchased the warranty to go with it. We’re almost finished with the last of the paperwork when this happens.)

Me: “Oh, great! You put down that it’s intermittent so the techs will see it. Now I’m sure they’ll get it right.”

Tech: *who’s checking me out* “Yes, ma’am, I’m sorry this is so frustrating. I have to put the information in the notes or our techs won’t know about it.”

Me: *signing the form* “Yes… ah… I was just saying… I was glad that…”

Tech: *sounding defensive and upset* “I’m sorry, it can be confusing, but I HAVE to have this information in the notes. Again, I’m sorry, but this is the way it has to be done.”

Me: *in shock* “Ah… yes… that’s very good… Thank you.”

Tech: *backing away, waving his hands as if to calm me down* “Ma’am, please… There’s no need to get upset. Our techs are going to work on this as quickly as possible for you.”

Me: “Oh, yes, I know. Should be about two to three weeks? Maybe a little longer if it takes them some time to replicate the—”

Tech: *nearly diving away from the counter as if I’m going to physically attack him* “Two or three weeks is the minimum. It could take longer than that though if they have trouble. You’ll get email notifications… Now, please… We’ve done what you ask… There’s no reason to be angry. You’ll get an email when it’s ready.”

Me: *just standing at the counter and holding the paperwork, watching him literally run away from the counter* “Ah… thanks?”

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