Your Reading Ability Is Garbage

| NB, Canada | Right | March 24, 2017

(I am a mobile specialist. I not only do new activations and hardware upgrades but I also assist customers with troubleshooting issues on their mobile devices. It amazes me the number of grown adults who are incapable of following simple written directions. I’ve just done a hardware upgrade for a woman who is in her late 30s like myself. All that is left is to transfer the data from the old phone to the new.)

Me: “Would you like me to do the set up for you?”

Customer: “No, no, I can do this.” *looks at the screen as it finally turns on* “Whoa! What is this, now?!”

Me: “Can I see?”

Customer: “What did you do?! I have nothing here; what is this?!”

Me: *I peek at the screen* “Ma’am, just hit start, right in the middle of the screen.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Whoa! What’s all this, now?”

Me: “It’s just the terms of usage; all you have to do is click ‘accept.’”

(This goes on for sometime with the customer panicking at each new screen. I offer a few more times to do the set up but she insists she can do it.)

Customer: “Okay, what is this, now?”

Me: “It’s asking for your email address; just type it in and hit ‘next.’”

Customer: “Okay… Oh, for crying out loud, just cancel everything. This phone is garbage. I’ve lost everything. I want my old phone back!”

Me: “Ma’am, it just wants the password for your email. Just type it in a hit submit.”

(She finally gets the phone set up, we transfer her contacts and photos, and she leaves happy. An hour or so later she comes back in livid.)

Customer: “This phone is garbage! I can’t get into Facebook!”

Me: “Okay, may I have a look?”

(I see that she has the Facebook app open. I won’t lie; I’m a little shocked she managed to get that far alone.)

Me: “You just have to put in your username.”

Customer: “I did that! It doesn’t do anything!”

Me: “Okay, what is your username?”

(She gives it to me, I type it in and hit next. The password page comes up.)

Customer: “See?! That’s all it does! It’s garbage!”

Me: “Ma’am, it just wants your password. See, here there is a box for text and above it, it says ‘password.’”

Customer: “God, how am I supposed to know that?”

Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, the directions are clearly written. If you would just take a moment to actually read what the screen says?”

Customer: “Oh, honey, I don’t have time to read. That’s what people like you get paid for!”

(She then walked away cheerily, with her Facebook app up and running. I wish I could say this was a unique story but sadly it’s not.)

Only One A**-Hole Here

| Marina, CA, USA | Right | March 22, 2017

Me: “Good morning, sir. Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: *grumpy* “I couldn’t find [Obscure Movie].”

Me: “Well, I don’t have access to our inventory system at the cash register, but if you’d like to head over to customer service, they’ll be able to help you.”

Customer: “Well, can you radio over to those a**-holes to see if they have it?”

(I wanted to help him, but at this point, he loses me.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but there is a line at customer service, so I can’t radio over and have you jump the other customers.”

Customer: *angry now* “Well then get one of those a**-holes on the sales floor to find it for me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but here at [Store], we don’t hire a**-holes. If you’d like, though, I can find a sales associate to help you.”

(The customer proceeded to turn bright red, slam the stuff he was going to buy on the counter, and storm out.)

Humored Your Dark Soul

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Working | March 15, 2017

(A friend of mine has given me his copy of a video game notorious for it’s difficulty. I already own a copy so I decide to sell the game. I am at the electronic store.)

Me: “Hello, I would like to sell this game.” *holds up the game*

Cashier: “Sure, one second.” *begins ringing a bell* “WE HAVE A QUITTER!”

(Soon enough other cashiers start joining in the chorus of “WE HAVE A QUITTER!”. It dies down after a few seconds. The cashier at this point is nearly on the verge of tears from laughing.)

Cashier: “Oh, god, sorry. We’ve been planning that for months now. We just been waiting for someone who seems like they can take a joke.”

Me: “Don’t worry, I’ve might have done the same thing myself.”

(In the end I got a $20 gift card as “compensation.”)

Trust Your Fellow Scam

| NJ, USA | Right | March 6, 2017

Customer: “Hey, I need to return this laptop. It’s broken.”

(He lays down a fairly new model of MacBook, still in its box, that costs in the region of around $1,300. The receipt he hands me seems to match and it’s within our 30 day return window… HOWEVER, I notice when he sets the laptop box down it makes a strange metallic rattling noise.)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Can you give me a brief description of what’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “I just said, it’s broken.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just need to have a look at it.”

Customer: “Huh?! No, you don’t! Just give me my refund!”

(I move to pick up the box, and while doing so I again hear that strange metallic rattling noise. Keep in mind that most MacBooks these days are made with all the guts welded to the case (hence how they’re able to make them so thin), so there’s very little in them that could rattle.)

Me: “I’m afraid, sir, it’s policy that I type up a damage report before I give you a refund. We need to send this back with some idea of what’s wrong with it so it can hopefully get repaired.”

Customer: “Can I get a manager? I’m in a hurry and just need my refund!”

Me: “I can certainly get you my manager but he’ll say the same thing. If you don’t know what’s wrong with it, I need to have an actual look at the computer before I get you your refund.”

Customer: “Gah, no wonder everyone hates shopping here! Whatever happened to trusting in your fellow man, huh?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have to abide by our return process. Just let me take a look at the computer and I’ll get you your refund.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(He turned and bolted out of the store entrance, right past our very confused security guard. Surprise, surprise, when I took the computer out, it was actually the casing for an old Windows laptop that was the same size as the MacBook that should’ve been in there. What’s more, it had been gutted save for a few discarded screws which explained the rattling. ‘Trust in your fellow man’ indeed.)

Suddenly Not A Full House

| VA, USA | Working | February 4, 2017

(My two friends and I are checking out the CDs and movies. We start hanging around a bargain-bin looking at each of the DVDs they have.)

Me: “Wow, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Season 6.”

Friend: “Oh, Full House.”

Me: “Yeah, I heard they’re doing a new version of Full House.”

Manager: “Hey, are you guys looking for anything in particular?”

Me: “No, we’re just browsing”

(I get the feeling we are being followed in the store. The manager leaves us alone at that point.)

Friend: “I feel like he wants us to leave…”

(We look up only to see the front doors have been shuttered up. We quickly head up to the front of the store.)

Me: “I’m sorry, did you close? Are we able to purchase our stuff?”

Employee: “Yes, give us a second. We’ll ring you up.”

Me: “So…when did you close?”

Employee: “We close at 9 pm on Saturdays.”

Me: *looking at my cell phone and seeing it is 9:35* “Did you make an announcement you were closing?”

Employee: “No, we didn’t.”

(If it weren’t for the subtle hint of the manager while searching the bargain bin we may have still been in there hanging around.)

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