(I work in a shop that sells equipment for professional-level cameras, and we mostly deal with filmmaker freelancers and companies. A customer bought a gimbal, which is a piece of tech that stabilises the camera and lets you move without the camera juddering, for his phone. He calls up to say it doesn’t work, and my coworker asks him to come in and have us look at it. Firstly, he used it for five hours and is shocked that it’s out of battery. We wait for it to charge, and explain that it has up to six hours of battery.)

Coworker: “So, what’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “When it’s in lock mode, and I turn around, it doesn’t move with me.”

(Lock mode is when it locks into place and you can move the handle around with the camera staying in the same place.)

Coworker: *testing it* “It seems okay; it wasn’t doing this?”

Customer: “Yeah, but you’re not walking. Walk.”

Coworker: *walks over nearer me* “It seems okay now.”

Customer: “No, but you need to turn around. It was when I turned around.”

Coworker: *turns around, so the locked position is pointing towards him* “Yep.”

Customer: “No, look, now you can’t see the screen. It doesn’t turn with you!”

Coworker: “Yes, the lock setting stops it from turning, so you can—“

Customer: *interrupting* “No, I want it to follow me!”

Coworker: “Okay, there’s a follow mode—“

Customer: *interrupting* “No, that moves too much. I want it to follow my movements in lock mode!”

(AI had to leave the room to laugh. According to my coworker, he continued to insist it was broken and that it should “follow” in LOCK mode and move less in FOLLOW mode. Also, there’s a conspiracy that the companies making camera equipment charge more for better quality items and keep bringing out new technology. My coworker spent an hour placating this man, and all over a ~£100 phone gimbal. The other gimbals we sell are for the same cameras used to make blockbuster films and start at ~£1000.)

(I pick up the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Customer: “Is [Coworker] in yet?”

Me: “No, he’ll be in at 9:30.”

Customer: “So, he’s not there until 9:30; is what you’re telling me?!”

Me: *pause* “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, this is ridiculous, because he said he’d call me when he got back from doing in-homes yesterday, but he must have just gone home when he was done with work, because he never called me! And I’m so mad because he was supposed to install my printer and it still doesn’t work; he did it wrong! It worked at the store, but then I brought it home and it’s not working, and he needs to come here to my house to do it! I don’t care! He needs to come here and fix it!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll get him to call you when he comes in for his shift.”

(She continues to yell at me about how he didn’t make her printer work, and I just continue to agree with her until we finally hang up. My coworker comes in at 9:30 and I give him the customer’s number.)

Coworker: “Oh, my God, I told her I’d call her in the morning. I didn’t say I would call her last night. I don’t understand what she’s doing wrong, because it’s not a wireless printer, so there’s no reason for it not to work. I installed it, and all she has to do is plug it back into her laptop.”

(He reluctantly takes his in-home service stuff and goes to her house to make her happy. The best part is when he gets back.)

Coworker: “Yeah, she was plugging her printer into her router.”

(I am shopping around at my local electronics store. I witness a strange conversation between a customer and an employee.)

Customer: “I want the earphones in the display.”

Employee: “For sure. Give me a moment and I’ll get the keys for the display. Which earphones do you want?”

Customer: “Black ones. I want to take them with me while I shop.”

Employee: “Sorry, we have a policy about items in displays; we have to bring them to the cashier, and then you can check them out.”

(As the employee takes out the earphones, the customer keeps trying to take the earphones from the employee like a little child.)

Customer: “You know what? Forget it. I do not want them anymore.” *storms out of the store for no reason*

Me: “Well, that was strange and funny at the same time.”

Employee: “Welcome to retail.”

Customer: “Excuse me, I have a complaint to make.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry we weren’t able to offer the best standard of service today. I’ll just call a manager.”

Customer: “No, it’s nothing to with you. It’s that young r******d boy I see wandering about the shop. People like that need to be kept on a leash, and properly restrained! Whoever is its keeper needs to be told off before it hurts someone. I just thought I’d complain before leaving. I value my life!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t understand. We also don’t tolerate that kind of language here.”

Customer: “Well, umm… Oh, there it is! See!”

(I look to where she points and see one of our cleaners who has Down Syndrome.)

Me: “That’s [Coworker]. He works here.”

Customer: *shocked* “Those things are allowed to work?!”

(I didn’t get the chance to say anything else. She put a handkerchief over her mouth and ran for the exit, making sure to avoid the cleaner as much as possible. He was completely oblivious to it, thankfully.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like a laptop. Does this one have Internet built in?”

Me: “They all have Wi-Fi built in. You’ll just need to connect to it via the password and such.”

Customer: “No, I mean a laptop that has Internet built in, so I don’t need Wi-Fi.”

Me: “No… none of them have that.”