Ph.Duh.

, , , , | Right | May 31, 2017

(We are just about to close shop. A woman is talking to my manager about an e-reader case.)

Customer: “That’s false advertising. On your website it says this ereader case is $7.50.”

Manager: “That is a similar looking case. They have different SKUs.”

Customer: “But I don’t see it. You should give me that price.”

Manager: “Our website has many items where our store only has a limited amount of stock.”

(The customer goes on how the case should be that price. I notice she is still in the store when I go to close the doors, so I leave one door open and one locked. I come to see my manager to see what the problem is.)

Manager: “We can give you the price of this case for that one you saw on the website.”

Customer: “I have a student card!”

(We give student deals. My manager looks at the student card carefully.)

Manager: “Uh… this card is from 2006.”

Customer: “I am doing my Ph.D. It takes a long time, you know; it’s a Ph.D.”

Manager: “You don’t have an updated student card that is renewed?”

Customer: “I’m doing my PH.D part time!”

Manager: “Still, eight years. That’s a long time ago.”

Customer: “Isn’t there anyone else I can talk to?”

Me: “He is the manager so there is no one else.”

Customer: “What about your head office?”

Me: “They close between 4:00 and 4:30, and it’s 6:00. You can’t contact them at this time.”

(The customer goes off about how her student card is valid, and how I don’t know about the head office because I don’t know the exact time they close, and how we have poor customer service. We give her the discount and she finally pays for the item.)

Manager: “We’ll contact head office for you since they are closed at this time. What is your phone number?”

Customer: “I’m not giving it to you!”

Manager: “How they can contact you?”

Customer: “I’m filing a complaint!”

(On the way out she tries to force the locked door open. She is pushing the locked door to the point where it almost breaks. I can’t help but laugh.)

Customer: “She is laughing at me!”

(I laugh harder while my manager opens the unlocked door for her, making exiting seem easy.)

Me: “She is doing a Ph.D. and she can’t even open a door!”

Manager: “No wonder her degree is taking her eight years.”

Plugging That Whole Thing Into Something Else

, | Calgary, AB, Canada | Right | May 21, 2017

(In our store, we sell all sorts of electronics and accessories.)

Sales Representative: “Good morning. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you carry a USB to H barrel power cables?”

Sales Representative: “Yes, we do.” *proceeds to cable aisle to show the customer the cable*

Customer: “This is great. I have a USB charging adapter; can we see if it will work?”

Sales Representative: “Sure, let’s go over to the customer service desk to plug it in and see.” *thinking nothing more of what the device may be*

Customer: “I just found this on the street and want to see if it will work.” *proceeds to pull out a dildo from his pocket*

Sales Representative: *taken aback from the sight and the fact that the customer just said he found it on the street* “Go ahead, sir. YOU can plug it in yourself.”

Customer: *plugs the device in, sure enough it works* “Great.”

Sales Representative: “Okay? Let’s go back over to my till and ring your purchase up.” *trying to hide a smile*

(The customer pays for the cable and walks out of the store.)

Sales Representative: *to other employees that saw the transaction* “Really, did that really happen?”

Although You Should Eat Your Words…

| Greenwich, CT, USA | Right | May 19, 2017

(I have dreadlocks and a large nose ring. I am working behind the repair counter of the store when my coworker has this exchange with an elderly, entitled customer.)

Customer: “People who mutilate their faces like cannibals shouldn’t be allowed to work with the public.”

Coworker: “Actually, as it turns out, he is a vegan and therefore doesn’t eat ANY meat, INCLUDING people meat!”

They Get The Special Treatment

| Meriden, CT, USA | Right | May 15, 2017

(I work at an electronics and entertainment store that sells DVDs, CDs, vinyl, video games, etc. It is about half-way through December; I am the only cashier on in the front of the store, and my coworker is stocking shelves toward the middle of the store.)

Customer: “Hi, do you have [Movie]?”

Me: “No, sorry. It’s not one we normally keep in stock, either.”

Customer: “Are you able to order it for me?”

Me: “Sorry, the special order system is down, so I can’t do any orders.”

Customer: “Oh, well, that stinks. Can you order it on normal for me, then?”

Me: “Sorry… but what does that mean?”

Customer: “GAAAAHHHHH!” *throws hands in air and storms off out of the store*

iPhone Plus Has Extra Inches

| Guelph, ON, Canada | Right | May 11, 2017

Customer: “So, is there a big difference between getting the iPhone 6 and 6 plus?”

Me: “I mean, yes, they’re both going to work the same in having an iPhone experience, but a big plus is it has a longer battery life.”

Customer: “How does it do that?”

Me: “Well, with a bigger phone you have more room to put a bigger battery; generally, if you have a bigger devices, you’ll probably have a bigger battery.”

Customer: “Yeah, but if I get a black one it’ll always be bigger. You know how the legend goes, dontcha, buddy?”

(This grown man was with his ten-year-old son, who listened in horror.)

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