An Un-Elf-y Obsession With Green

| ON, Canada | Right | October 20, 2015

(We are allowed to wear costumes to work on Halloween, and I couldn’t find anything super exciting, so my last minute costume consisted of a green shirt and a Kermit the Frog hat, which has eyes poking up from the top, and his face on the front.)

Customer: “Are you an elf?”

Me: “…No, I’m Kermit.”

Customer: “Oh. I thought you were an elf. Because you’re wearing green.”

Me: “But I have a Kermit hat on…”

Customer: “But it’s green.”

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 20

| ON, Canada | Right | October 16, 2015

(A customer comes in to return a wireless mouse that apparently doesn’t work. I always check them in our own computer before returning them, because the customers are usually doing something wrong.)

Customer: “This mouse doesn’t work.”

Me: “Okay, what’s it doing?”

Customer: “Nothing.”

Me: “Okay, and you had the batteries in right?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “And you had it turned on?”

Customer: “YES! I’M NOT AN IDIOT!”

Me: “I wasn’t calling you an idiot. A lot of people don’t realize you can turn them on or off. ”

(I check the batteries, turn it on and plug it in. It works.)

Me: “Hmm, the mouse is working fine. Are you sure you had it turned on?”

Customer: “YES! And I had the little thing in the mouse where it’s supposed to go!”

Me: “What little thing?”

Customer: “That little thing that sticks in the bottom of the mouse!”

(I take the USB receiver out of the computer and hold it up.)

Me: “This?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “You kept it in the mouse?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “That’s supposed to go in the computer…”

GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 3

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Right | October 10, 2015

(An elderly woman comes into the store and asks for a new GPS because her old one is “broken.”)

Me: “How long have you had the GPS?”

Woman: “Three years.”

Me: “That doesn’t seem that old. Usually, they last longer. What is wrong with it?”

Woman: “I was driving in Cobourg and it got me lost many times.”

(Cobourg is a town with new developments.)

Me: “When was the last time you updated the maps?”

Woman: “What?”

(I explain to her that she needs to update the maps in order to get accurate results. She responded by saying she does not own a computer and thought I was trying to sell her a computer she did not need. I show her some of the GPS that we have and recommended a basic one with lifetime maps.)

Woman: “Why can’t I get this one? It’s $40 cheaper.”

Me: “It does not have free map updates. To update a single map costs $60-$80, so you’re saving money.”

Woman: “I don’t need to update the maps. It tells you where you’re going!”

(I gave up. She bought the GPS that did not have the lifetime maps. I’m still waiting for her to come back and tell me the new GPS is broken.)


Your Fate Is Sealed

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Working | October 1, 2015

(I work at a store that sells electronics, so whenever we process a return we must check the product and its contents to ensure nothing’s been stolen. Usually we have a technology associate do this, but usually there is some leeway depending on the product. I am manning the cash. It should be noted that it is the back-to-school season and so our lines are very long.)

Customer: “I was wondering if I could return this laptop?”

Me: “Sure thing, let me just get someone to okay the product.”

(I page for a technology associate, all of whom are with customers.)

Me: “Sorry, it’ll be just a few minutes.”

(After waiting a few minutes, I repeat the page.)

Customer: “It’s unopened.”

(I check the product and notice that it is, in fact, sealed. Given that the tech associates are known to take their time and my line is getting longer and longer, I decide to process the return anyways, knowing that nothing could have been stolen. In the middle of processing the return, however, a tech associate finally shows up.)

Coworker: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m processing the return for this laptop.”

Coworker: “But you have to get it checked.”

Me: “I already checked it; it’s sealed.”

Coworker: “But you have to get a tech associate to check it.”

Me: “But it’s sealed.”

Coworker: “But a tech associate has to check it.”

Me: “Fine.”

(Looks at the item and sees that it’s sealed.)

Coworker: “Go ahead. Make sure to check with an associate next time.”

(The best part? He then came back fifteen minutes later to criticise me for about ten minutes because, despite my long line and the fact that the item was clearly unopened, I hadn’t called over a tech associate.)

Doesn’t Like Dem Apples

| Singapore | Working | September 29, 2015

(I work in an Apple store and Apple logos are displayed prominently throughout the store. Note that this also happens all the time.)

Customer: “Do you all sell the case for the Samsung Note 3?”

Me: “Nope, sorry! We don’t.”

(Customer starts looking at me with a puzzled look on his face.)

Customer: “Oh. Why not?”

Me: “…Well, it is an Apple store. We don’t carry those cases.”

Customer: “How was I supposed to know?!”

Me: “Well, you did walk through a glass door that had two huge Apple posters beside it. And there’s that big logo staring right at you the moment you walk in….”

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