Lost In Their Own Translation

| Belgium | Bigotry, Language & Words, Top

(My husband and I are from America. We move overseas to Belgium for his job, and make every effort to learn the native language. I am shopping for a computer part, but am tripping over the technical terms. The clerk mercifully switches over to English for my benefit. As he is helping me, a few native men queue up behind me and overhear us.)

Customer #1: *in French* “Such a typical American; expecting everyone to cater to them and their stupid language.”

Customer #2: *in French* “Can’t blame her. This b**** looks too stupid to learn French.”

Me: *in French* “Looks can be deceiving, gentlemen.”

(The customer turns red and quickly wanders off. The clerk is laughing so hard, he has to sit down.)

Magic-Touch-Phone

| Australia | Health & Body, Religion, Technology

Customer: “I want to return this phone; it won’t turn on.”

(I turn on the phone, and it works perfectly.)

Me: “Hmm, seems to be turning on just fine.”

Customer: “I’ve been doing that all yesterday, and it didn’t work! You must have magic hands or something.”

Me: “That’s the only explanation I can think of. I should use my powers for good and go out and use my magic touch to heal things like leprosy.”

Lady: *in all seriousness* “Oh no, I don’t have that.”

Too Fast, Too Furious

| BC, Canada | One-Liners, Technology

(A customer calls into our store, and my coworker answers the phone. I’m listening to the conversation.)

Coworker: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a manual for my cordless phone. Do you sell them at your store?”

Coworker: “We don’t sell the manuals, unfortunately. You could probably find it online though.”

Customer: “That will be too much work. Just sell me one of yours!”

Coworker: “What’s the model number?”

(My coworker proceeds to look up the manual on a common internet search engine.)

Coworker: “If you want us to print out a copy of the manual for you, it will be five cents a page. You can pick it up in the store.”

Customer: “You don’t have the manual!”

Coworker: “I do, ma’am. I just found it online.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t. It didn’t take you long enough!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m looking right at it! Would you like us to print you off a copy?”

Customer: “You don’t have the manual! That was too fast! I can’t believe your lack of customer service!”

(The customer hangs up.)

Me: “What just happened?”

Coworker: “Stupid happened.”