Magic-Touch-Phone

| Australia | Health & Body, Religion, Technology

Customer: “I want to return this phone; it won’t turn on.”

(I turn on the phone, and it works perfectly.)

Me: “Hmm, seems to be turning on just fine.”

Customer: “I’ve been doing that all yesterday, and it didn’t work! You must have magic hands or something.”

Me: “That’s the only explanation I can think of. I should use my powers for good and go out and use my magic touch to heal things like leprosy.”

Lady: *in all seriousness* “Oh no, I don’t have that.”

Too Fast, Too Furious

| BC, Canada | One-Liners, Technology

(A customer calls into our store, and my coworker answers the phone. I’m listening to the conversation.)

Coworker: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a manual for my cordless phone. Do you sell them at your store?”

Coworker: “We don’t sell the manuals, unfortunately. You could probably find it online though.”

Customer: “That will be too much work. Just sell me one of yours!”

Coworker: “What’s the model number?”

(My coworker proceeds to look up the manual on a common internet search engine.)

Coworker: “If you want us to print out a copy of the manual for you, it will be five cents a page. You can pick it up in the store.”

Customer: “You don’t have the manual!”

Coworker: “I do, ma’am. I just found it online.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t. It didn’t take you long enough!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m looking right at it! Would you like us to print you off a copy?”

Customer: “You don’t have the manual! That was too fast! I can’t believe your lack of customer service!”

(The customer hangs up.)

Me: “What just happened?”

Coworker: “Stupid happened.”

A Sim-ple Solution

| East Bakersfield, CA, USA | Technology, Wild & Unruly

(I’m in line at technical support to get my laptop fixed. A very rude and impatient customer cuts me, and slams his phone down on the counter.)

Me: “Excuse me! You just cut me.”

Rude Customer: *ignoring me* ” You son of a b****! You were supposed to fix my phone eight days ago! What’s with this bull-s***!”

Tech Support: “Sir, we told you; there is nothing wrong with the phone. You just don’t have a sim-card in there.”

Rude Customer: “Bull-s***! I put in a sim-card, and it still doesn’t work!”

Tech Support: “Okay, then. If I see that there is no sim-card, you’re going to apologize to the woman you cut, apologize to me, and get out of my store before I plant my foot so far up your a**, that your grandchildren get the mark.”

(The technician takes the phone and opens the back cover. He starts to laugh.)

Rude Customer: “What’s so f****** funny?!”

Tech Support: “GET. OUT. NOW.”

(The 6’1, 227 lb, tech stands up. He takes his glasses off, and puts them on the counter.)

(The rude customer turns white, then turns to me.)

Rude Customer: “Sorry!”

(The customer literally makes a run out the store, while leaving his phone behind. The technician sits back down and acts as though nothing happened.)