Laptop Flop, Part 12

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(A customer about 15 years old walks up to the counter of our service department, holding a laptop bag. She places the bag on the counter and where the zipper section is on the bag has pieces sticking out of it. It looks like a strange box of french fries.)

Customer: “I need to get this laptop fixed. I have a service plan.”

(She hands me a receipt that has an extended service plan.)

Me: “What happened to this laptop?”

Customer: “I was staying in a hotel and opened the window because it was hot and decided to use the laptop in the open window. It fell out of the open window.”

Me: “How far did it fall?”

Customer: “I was on the eighth floor… so, however far that is.”

Me: “The plan only covers falls from about eight feet or lower. Basically any place you would use a computer under normal operation. It’s all covered in the terms and conditions you were given.”

Customer: “I don’t read those things… So, what are you going to do to fix the computer?”

Me: “Not much I can do. If we attempted to fix this… which I’m not sure we can do, it would be probably be more than this is worth to do it. It’s in hundreds of pieces.”

Customer: “The plan says it covers accidental damage.”

Me: “You were using it in an open window, on the eighth floor of a hotel. It falling is not an accident.”

Customer: “What do you call it?”

Me: “Negligence.”

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 11
Laptop Flop, Part 10
Laptop Flop, Part 9

Your Reading Ability Is Garbage

| NB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am a mobile specialist. I not only do new activations and hardware upgrades but I also assist customers with troubleshooting issues on their mobile devices. It amazes me the number of grown adults who are incapable of following simple written directions. I’ve just done a hardware upgrade for a woman who is in her late 30s like myself. All that is left is to transfer the data from the old phone to the new.)

Me: “Would you like me to do the set up for you?”

Customer: “No, no, I can do this.” *looks at the screen as it finally turns on* “Whoa! What is this, now?!”

Me: “Can I see?”

Customer: “What did you do?! I have nothing here; what is this?!”

Me: *I peek at the screen* “Ma’am, just hit start, right in the middle of the screen.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Whoa! What’s all this, now?”

Me: “It’s just the terms of usage; all you have to do is click ‘accept.’”

(This goes on for sometime with the customer panicking at each new screen. I offer a few more times to do the set up but she insists she can do it.)

Customer: “Okay, what is this, now?”

Me: “It’s asking for your email address; just type it in and hit ‘next.’”

Customer: “Okay… Oh, for crying out loud, just cancel everything. This phone is garbage. I’ve lost everything. I want my old phone back!”

Me: “Ma’am, it just wants the password for your email. Just type it in a hit submit.”

(She finally gets the phone set up, we transfer her contacts and photos, and she leaves happy. An hour or so later she comes back in livid.)

Customer: “This phone is garbage! I can’t get into Facebook!”

Me: “Okay, may I have a look?”

(I see that she has the Facebook app open. I won’t lie; I’m a little shocked she managed to get that far alone.)

Me: “You just have to put in your username.”

Customer: “I did that! It doesn’t do anything!”

Me: “Okay, what is your username?”

(She gives it to me, I type it in and hit next. The password page comes up.)

Customer: “See?! That’s all it does! It’s garbage!”

Me: “Ma’am, it just wants your password. See, here there is a box for text and above it, it says ‘password.’”

Customer: “God, how am I supposed to know that?”

Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, the directions are clearly written. If you would just take a moment to actually read what the screen says?”

Customer: “Oh, honey, I don’t have time to read. That’s what people like you get paid for!”

(She then walked away cheerily, with her Facebook app up and running. I wish I could say this was a unique story but sadly it’s not.)

Only One A**-Hole Here

| Marina, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

Me: “Good morning, sir. Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: *grumpy* “I couldn’t find [Obscure Movie].”

Me: “Well, I don’t have access to our inventory system at the cash register, but if you’d like to head over to customer service, they’ll be able to help you.”

Customer: “Well, can you radio over to those a**-holes to see if they have it?”

(I wanted to help him, but at this point, he loses me.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but there is a line at customer service, so I can’t radio over and have you jump the other customers.”

Customer: *angry now* “Well then get one of those a**-holes on the sales floor to find it for me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but here at [Store], we don’t hire a**-holes. If you’d like, though, I can find a sales associate to help you.”

(The customer proceeded to turn bright red, slam the stuff he was going to buy on the counter, and storm out.)

Trust Your Fellow Scam

| NJ, USA | Liars & Scammers, Technology

Customer: “Hey, I need to return this laptop. It’s broken.”

(He lays down a fairly new model of MacBook, still in its box, that costs in the region of around $1,300. The receipt he hands me seems to match and it’s within our 30 day return window… HOWEVER, I notice when he sets the laptop box down it makes a strange metallic rattling noise.)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Can you give me a brief description of what’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “I just said, it’s broken.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just need to have a look at it.”

Customer: “Huh?! No, you don’t! Just give me my refund!”

(I move to pick up the box, and while doing so I again hear that strange metallic rattling noise. Keep in mind that most MacBooks these days are made with all the guts welded to the case (hence how they’re able to make them so thin), so there’s very little in them that could rattle.)

Me: “I’m afraid, sir, it’s policy that I type up a damage report before I give you a refund. We need to send this back with some idea of what’s wrong with it so it can hopefully get repaired.”

Customer: “Can I get a manager? I’m in a hurry and just need my refund!”

Me: “I can certainly get you my manager but he’ll say the same thing. If you don’t know what’s wrong with it, I need to have an actual look at the computer before I get you your refund.”

Customer: “Gah, no wonder everyone hates shopping here! Whatever happened to trusting in your fellow man, huh?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have to abide by our return process. Just let me take a look at the computer and I’ll get you your refund.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(He turned and bolted out of the store entrance, right past our very confused security guard. Surprise, surprise, when I took the computer out, it was actually the casing for an old Windows laptop that was the same size as the MacBook that should’ve been in there. What’s more, it had been gutted save for a few discarded screws which explained the rattling. ‘Trust in your fellow man’ indeed.)

I Don’t Work Here, Repeatedly Does Not Work Here

| Jensen Beach, OR, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Technology

(I’m in town for a business meeting and I pop into an electronics store across the street from the hotel I’m staying in. I’m not wearing store colors or even the khakis and polo uniform, but I am dressed in business attire. I’m standing in the aisle looking at picking up a new video card when a woman approaches me with her young teen sons in tow.)

Mother: “Sir… Sir, can you tell me if this video card will be good enough to handle my son’s new game?”

Son: “It’s [Game].”

(I look around and, realizing that all the staff in the area are busy, I go ahead and take a look at the video card.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, if I remember the game’s requirements right, this video card will certainly do the trick, but I seem to have noticed that they have this one—” *I pick another one off the shelf* “–that is better and because it’s on sale, cheaper.”

(As she goes about her way, a second customer steps up to me.)

Other Customer: “Sir, I need help finding more RAM.”

(Seeing once again there is nobody around to help…)

Me: “Well, do you know what kind of RAM you’ll need?”

Other Customer: “Umm… no? Is there more than one kind?”

Me: “Yes and while they do carry RAM here, unless you know the model of your computer or better yet, motherboard, there’s no way to be sure you’re getting the right stuff.”

(She promises me she’ll get the computer’s model and come back later. This happens a couple more times and as I have literally nothing better to do and the store seems unusually busy, I go ahead and help them, never ONCE claiming to work there. This keeps on until a fifth person steps up at the same time a manager steps up to me.)

Customer: “So… I noticed you said ‘they.’ You don’t actually work here do you?”

(The manager speaks up before I can say anything.)

Manager: “No, he doesn’t but I feel like I should be slapping a polo on this guy. [Employee] over there will be happy to help you though.”

Manager: *to me* “So… you need a job?”

Me: “Hah, no, I’m only in town for business, I’m just looking at video cards to kill time.”

Manager: “Well, lemme know if you pick one out; we’ll give you the employee discount for today.”

(We both had a good chuckle about that but when I checked out, true to his word, the guy stopped the sales clerk to make sure I got the employee discount.)

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 22
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 21
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 20

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