GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 3

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Right | October 10, 2015

(An elderly woman comes into the store and asks for a new GPS because her old one is “broken.”)

Me: “How long have you had the GPS?”

Woman: “Three years.”

Me: “That doesn’t seem that old. Usually, they last longer. What is wrong with it?”

Woman: “I was driving in Cobourg and it got me lost many times.”

(Cobourg is a town with new developments.)

Me: “When was the last time you updated the maps?”

Woman: “What?”

(I explain to her that she needs to update the maps in order to get accurate results. She responded by saying she does not own a computer and thought I was trying to sell her a computer she did not need. I show her some of the GPS that we have and recommended a basic one with lifetime maps.)

Woman: “Why can’t I get this one? It’s $40 cheaper.”

Me: “It does not have free map updates. To update a single map costs $60-$80, so you’re saving money.”

Woman: “I don’t need to update the maps. It tells you where you’re going!”

(I gave up. She bought the GPS that did not have the lifetime maps. I’m still waiting for her to come back and tell me the new GPS is broken.)

GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 2
GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity

The Route Of Shared Pain

| USA | Right | March 20, 2015

(I work tech support in a call center, which can involve long and draining days. I take a break and head down to the mall adjacent to us and am browsing some items in an electronic store. Many of the items are the same ones I provide technical support for. I approach an employee to ask a question about a sale they have on their wireless routers.)

Me: “Hi, I wanted to ask about these wireless routers.”

Employee: *suddenly looking scared* “…Yes?”

Me: “I notice the sale is for the tri-band routers, but does it also apply to the quad-band?”

Employee: *looking surprised* “Oh. Sorry, it’s just I’ve been asked very different kinds of questions today.”

Me: “Let me guess. They’re surprised you have to plug them in because they should be ‘wireless?'”

Employee: “Yes! How did you know?”

Me: “I work tech support across the street. I had a call today asking why the ‘box of Internet’ had to talk to the clouds, and ‘why was the Internet all the way up there in the first place?'”

Employee: “Can… can I give you a hug?”

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Hired And Fired And Tired

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Right | December 3, 2014

(I’m shopping at a large electronics store. I’m dressed casually in a blue graphic tee which, if you aren’t paying attention, for a second might look like what the employees wear.)

Other Customer: “I need you to find this for me.”

(I don’t respond as I am not aware that she is talking to me. I am reading the specs on the back of a box. The other customer then shoves an opened item in my hands on top of the box I am holding.)

Me: “What the h***?!”

Other Customer: “HELLO?! FIND this for me.”

Me: *hands it back to her* “I don’t work here. Work on your manners, lady.”

Other Customer: *she just stares at me for a minute* “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!”

(I just shake my head and start walking away. She is really getting on my nerves.)

Other Customer: *following me* “STOP RIGHT THERE! You are NOT allowed to talk to paying customers that way!”

Me: “I’M a paying customer. I don’t work here! Go away!”

Other Customer: “I want to talk to your manager! You need to be fired for your attitude.”

Me: “They can’t fire me if I don’t work here. Stop following me!”

(At this point, other people are staring, laughing at the lady, and sharing sympathetic looks with me.)

Other Customer: “Oh, we’ll see about that!”

(A manager steps in as this lady has made a scene in the store and a lot of people have taken notice.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Other Customer: “This b**** is giving me the worst attitude! I have never been treated so badly in all my life!”

Me: “And this psycho keeps following me around thinking I work here! I keep telling her I don’t work here!”

Other Customer: “You won’t be working here if you keep up your b****y attitude!”

(The manager is clearly very uncomfortable.)

Manager: “Uh, ma’am, she doesn’t actually work here.”

Other Customer: “You need to handle this! Fire this b**** immediately!”

(The manager looks around at the customers and employees who have gathered at a safe distance and are snickering at the scene. He looks at me and shrugs.)

Manager: *to me* “Uh… You’re fired, ma’am?”

Me: *dramatically and smiling* “YOU CAN’T FIRE ME BEFORE YOU’VE EVEN HIRED ME!”

Manager: *smiling* “I’d like to offer you a job as an associate. Awesome pay and benefits?”

Me: “I’ll TAKE it!”

Manager: “You’re fired.”

Me: “NOOOOOOO! How could you?!”

(The crowd starts laughing.)

Other Customer: “Are you MOCKING me?!”

Me: “He’s just giving you what you demanded. Now quit bothering me.”

(She turned bright red and stormed out of the store without another word.)

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Can Put A Lot Of Processing Power In Her Voice

| NY, USA | Working | October 31, 2014

(My roommate is tiny, quiet, and shy, and she is not comfortable speaking English. I am going to buy a new laptop for college courses, and she comes along. A tall and imposing salesman pounces on us.)

Salesman: “Hi, I see you are interested in some laptops, we have the best ones over here.” *points to lower end laptops*

Me: “I really need the extra power; I was looking at the newer processors.”

Salesman: “Well, now, here is how the new processors work…” *starts into technical description with a lot of jargon*

(My roommate tries to say something but is too quiet. After a few minutes, she has had enough and shouts:)

Roommate: “KNOW HOW WORKS!”

(The sales man looks shocked.)

Salesman: “What would you know, little girl?”

Me: “She worked in manufacturing the processors and is currently working on a Ph.D. in processor design.”

(The salesman storms off and shouts back:)

Salesman: “Well, I’m from [Company] to sell printers!”

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Didn’t Plan That One Through

| Pickering, ON, Canada | Working | May 27, 2014

(I am buying a micro-SD card. I live at home and work retail, so I don’t have lots of extra money to spend and am still on my parent’s phone plan. This company has recently started up a phone service and have tried to get people to sign up for it. I’m at the check out when the cashier speaks up.)

Cashier: “So, how much do you pay for your phone bill each month?”

Me: “Um… about $40 a month? I don’t know. I don’t pay the bills.”

Cashier: “$40 is a lot. You should sign up for our phone bundle; you’ll save money and have great service.”

Me: “Thanks, but I’m on my mom’s plan.”

Cashier: “Are you sure? [Coworker] here just signed up for it, and she likes it.”

Me: “I’m sure.” *deciding to change the subject* “So, would this card work in my phone?” *hold up my Blackberry*

Cashier: “Yeah, it should fit in there. Which company are you with?”

Me: “I’m with [Phone Company].”

Cashier: “Is your phone unlocked?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Cashier: “So do you, like, love Blackberry? Because if you do, if you sign up for our phone service you can keep your phone, or we can upgrade you to a new one for free.”

Me: “No, thank you. Like I said, I don’t pay the bills.”

Cashier: “But you could save a lot of money!”

Me: *losing patience* “Yes, but like I said, I’m on my mom’s phone plan. I can’t make a decision to switch providers without her here.”

Cashier: “Oh, right…”

(He didn’t bother me about the phone plan again.)

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