(I work at a call center in Canada dealing with American cell customers. This is a call from a customer in Seattle.)

Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Does your company outsource to India?”

Me: “I don’t know for sure, but I know it does hire companies out of the USA.”

Caller: “I’d like to cancel my service, then.”

Me: “I can do that for you. May I ask why you’d like to cancel?”

Caller: “I don’t support companies that don’t support America. If they’re hiring out of America, then I don’t want to support them.”

Me: “All right, I’ll process that cancellation for you.”

Caller: “Am I calling to India?!”

Me: “No. I’m actually in Canada.”

Caller: “Oh, I love Canada! I do all my shopping there. Everything is so much cheaper!”

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(I work at a theater, and this shift I am in the box office selling tickets. A customer approaches me who has just gotten out of a movie.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I would like to lodge a complaint with your manager.”

Me: “She isn’t actually working today, sorry, but if you tell me what you need to complain about, I can make sure it gets passed onto her right away.”

Customer: “I just watched The A-Team and it wasn’t at all how I thought it would be. The green people were very blurry!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there aren’t any green people in the movie The A-Team. Are you sure you went into the right auditorium?”

Customer: “What are you talking about? There is only one auditorium in this place!”

Me: “Actually, sir, we have five auditoriums, and there are different movies playing in each of them.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me that?! And why was the movie blurry?!”

Me: “Well, sir, the only movie we have that has green people in it is Shrek, and that movie is in 3D, so if you are not wearing the 3D glasses it would be very blurry.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you give me those glasses?”

Me: “You didn’t buy a ticket for that movie.”

Customer: “If there is only one auditorium, when does my movie play?”

Me: “Sir, your movie is over. You went into the wrong auditorium.”

Customer: “Well, that’s all your fault!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but how is this my fault?”

Customer: “You didn’t tell me that there is more than one auditorium!”

Me: “When I sold you your ticket, I told you were in auditorium three.”

Customer: “Oh, I just thought you were stupid. So, can I have a refund?”

Another Customer In Line: “Get out of line, dumba**!”

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(This happened back in 2003 during the East Coast Blackout when I was a cashier at a bookstore. Although Edmonton is far from the East coast, all our debit, credit, and gift-card machines are tied into servers in Eastern Canada.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to get this book…” *passes me the book and a gift card*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but our gift card system is down right now.”

Customer: “This is bull-s***! My kids bought this card for me yesterday, and now I can’t use it?”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but we can put the book on hold for you.”

Customer: “This is a scam! You guys are trying to rip me off!”

Me: “Sir…”

Customer: “Don’t call me ‘sir!'”

Me: “Now, sir…”

Customer: “Don’t call me sir! Call me an a**hole, but don’t call me sir!” *stomps out of the store*

(This is when I was working at a certain home improvement store in a rural area of Edmonton. A lady walks up carrying a bag of manure.)

Lady: “Can you tell me the price of this item, please?”

Me: “Sure thing. It comes up to $6.50, ma’am.”

Lady: “$6.50? Hmm…I don’t suppose you can call [competitor store] and see how much they sell it for, can you?”

Me: “Sure thing, ma’am.”

(I call up our competitor, and it turns out they sell the same product for $6.49.)

Me: “They have it on sale for $6.49, ma’am.”

Lady: “$6.49! Would you be able to make a price match?”

Me: “Uh… you want me to lower the price from $6.50 to $6.49?”

Lady: “Yes, that’s right. Is that a problem?”

Me: “Well, uh…”

(She wants it lowered by a CENT? The store policy doesn’t let me lower it unless it’s a dollar difference, or by special request of the currently absent manager.)

Me: “Erm… well, policy is that we can’t lower the price unless the difference is at least a dollar.”

Lady: “What!? That’s crazy! I demand you lower the price for me, or I’m taking this straight to management!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s really no need to do that. It’s company policy, there’s nothing really I can do.”

Lady: “FINE!” *throws down the bag* “I’m leaving and going to [competitor store]!”

Me: “…Have a nice day.”

(I’d like to point out that the nearest competitor store is about twenty minutes away. She’d have paid more in gas getting there than she would have if she just bought it here.)

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