(A customer wants a specific electric fireplace that is discontinued, so we can’t order it. One of my colleagues says that they will go to a nearby store after their shift and get one. The customer comes in the next day to collect it.)

Me: “Okay, because this is discontinued and we don’t stock it here, you won’t be able to return it unless it’s faulty.”

Customer: “Why would I want to return it? I’m not a moron like you are!”

(He storms out but comes back in the next day.)

Customer: “This fireplace won’t work! You put me through all this trouble and you gave me a faulty product! I will report you to your manager for all the stress this has caused!”

Me: “Sir, the box is still sealed. You haven’t even opened it yet.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, my wife didn’t like it. Can I return it?”

This story is part of the Extreme Refunders roundup!

Read the next Extreme Refunders roundup story!

Read the Extreme Refunders roundup!

Me: “…and a large Dew.”

Customer: “I’m sorry, did you just call me a Jew?”

Customer’s Wife: “But honey, you are a Jew.”

Me: “Oh, no, sorry. I meant a large Mountain Dew.”

Customer: “Oh, really? Really, I’m flattered but I’ve never been to the mountains.”

Me: “Ah, sorry?”

Customer: *comically bangs his fists against his chest* “I am the large mountain Jew!”

Customer’s Wife: * to me* “I am so sorry about him. Honestly, I can’t take him anywhere.”

Me: “Really, it’s fine.”

Customer: “The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!”

This story is part of our celebration of Not Always Right publishing over 100,000 stories!

This story is included in the roundup of absolute classic stories to toast this achievement!

<< Previous Story  |  Roundup  |  Next Story >>

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a mocha latte cappuccino.”

Me: “Okay, which one of those would you like?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, those are three different things. A mocha, a latte, or a cappuccino?”

Customer: “No, they’re not! That’s what I want!”

Me: “Ma’am, technically–”

Customer: “Just get me what my husband always orders!”

Me: “What does your husband always order?”

Customer: “You know, some… coffee thing!”

This story is part of the Obnoxious-Coffee-Orders roundup!

Read the next Obnoxious-Coffee-Orders roundup story!

Read the Obnoxious-Coffee-Orders roundup!

This story is part of the Ignorant Coffee Customers roundup!

Read the next Ignorant Coffee Customers roundup story!

Read the Ignorant Coffee Customers roundup!

(A customer is getting frustrated at the self-checkout.)

Customer: *shouting* “Miss! Miss!”

Me: *with another customer* “One minute, please, I’m helping this lady right now.”

Customer: *goes red in the face* “Miss!”

Me: “Give me a minute, please. I’ll come to you next.”

(The angry customer starts swearing and hitting the machine. The customer I am working with politely offers to wait while I go to the other customer. I apologize and go to the angry customer.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “The stupid machine stopped working!”

Me: “An item you have scanned isn’t on the metal bagging pad. Mind if I take a look?”

Customer: *grunts*

(I find that all but three items of a 30+ item shop has not been scanned. I explain the situation.)

Customer: “Oh God, no! I can’t do all this again!”

Me: “No problem! I’ll just put it all through for you.”

Customer: “No! It won’t save me any money that way!”

Me: “You don’t save any money with self-scan checkouts. I mean, you still pay for it all.”

Customer: “This is stupid! I shouldn’t have to pay for it all if I’m doing your job for you!”

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m trying to return this orange juice.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “It’s brown.”

Me: “Oh, wow. When did you purchase it?”

Customer: “The 19th of this month.” *hands me her receipt*

Me: “Miss, this receipt says you purchased this orange juice on the 19th of last year. You bought this 367 days ago.”

Customer: “Yes, and it’s gone brown. I’d like a refund.”

Me: “Did it not occur to you that orange juice would expire over the course of the year?”

Customer: “I thought if I waited until the 19th of the month again, it would be okay.”

This story is part of the More-Extra-Stupid-Customers roundup!

Read the next More-Extra-Stupid-Customers roundup story!

Read the More-Extra-Stupid-Customers roundup!