(I work at a self-serve frozen yogurt shop, where people get their own yogurt and toppings then pay by weight.)

Customer: “Excuse me, you should be supervising this store. These kids are putting their fingers in the toppings. It’s not clean!”

(I look around for a parent, but there seems to be nobody else of suitable age in the shop.)

Me: “Are these your children?”

Customer: “Yes, but you should be supervising them! It’s your job!”

This story is part of our Terrible Parents roundup!

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Me: “Thank you for calling [Satellite TV Company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I need to talk to one of your supervisors. His name is Greg.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I can’t transfer you to any particular supervisor since there are over forty of them in the building. But I’m sure I can help you.”

Caller: “Is this the call center in Utah?”

Me: “No, ma’am. It’s the one in Nebraska. The one in Utah takes over at midnight.”

Caller: “Well, I knew Greg when I lived in Utah and he said he worked for you. I just moved down to Texas. And I really need to get hold of him, but he’s not answering. So, transfer me to Greg.”

Me: “Like I said, ma’am, I can’t transfer you to a specific supervisor, but I’m sure I can help you.”

Caller: “No, you can’t!”

Me: “Well, I can try.”

Caller: “Trust me, you can’t!”

Me: “Well, why not, ma’am?”

Caller: “I’M PREGNANT, YOU IDIOT!”

Me: “Oh… I see.”

This story is part of the Pregnancy Roundup!

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Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I came in a couple of hours ago to pick up my pictures, and my wife says we’re seventeen pictures short! This always happens when we come here! Is it really so hard to keep track of one f****** order?”

(The customer continues to rant for several minutes, getting louder and more obscene. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I was in there an hour and a half ago and the dumb*** in front of me left seventeen pictures on the counter that I accidentally took home with my pictures. What kind of moron leaves pictures on the counter?”

(I hand the phone to the irate customer.)

Me: “It’s for you.”

This story is part of our Crazy-Coincidences roundup!

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This story is part of the Customers-Are-Bad-Photographers roundup!

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Caller: “Hi, I saw a car online and wanted some info on it.”

Me: “Sure, let me tell you all about it. Do you have a pen?”

Caller: “Yeah, 4351.”

Me: “What’s that?”

Caller: “My PIN.”

Me: “To your bank account?!”

This story is part of the Customers-Causing-Recessions roundup!

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(We hit a bit of turbulence. The ‘Fasten Seatbelt’ light goes on, and the captain comes on the intercom to tell us all to stay seated and buckled in. Shortly after this, a woman hits her call light. I come on over.)

Me: *bracing myself on the seat across the row* “Yes, ma’am?”

Passenger: “Could I have a glass of water, please?”

Me: “Ma’am, the captain has asked us to all stay seated for our safety.”

Passenger: “But I wouldn’t be getting up!”

Me: “Ma’am, the captain has asked us ALL to stay seated for our safety.”

Passenger: “Oh! You, too?”

(As I turn to head back to my seat I overhear her talking to the passenger next to her.)

Passenger: “But I’ve seen them moving around in all sorts of weather…”

This story is part of our customer treating staff less-than-human roundup!

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This story is part of our Terrible Airline Passengers roundup!

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