(My job is to call people and pitch the brand of make-up my company sells. I call and an obviously really young girl answers the phone.)

Little Girl: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi, may I talk to the lady of this residence?”

Little Girl: “That’s me.”

Me: “I mean, may I talk to your mom?”

Little Girl: “I have two dads.”

Me: “Oh well, never mind, then. Have a nice day!”

Little Girl: “Wait! Why did you call?”

Me: “I’m selling make-up.”

Little Girl: “Oh! One of my daddies loves that stuff. It makes him look pretty when he goes dancing! Let me give him the phone! Dad! Dad! Some girl wants to make you look pretty!”

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Me: “Could I ask why you fled the scene of the accident, sir?”

Customer: “Because I didn’t have no insurance.”

Me: “Wait, didn’t you say earlier that you were driving right now?”

Customer: “Yes, sir.”

Me: “…the vehicle from the accident?”

Customer: “Yes, sir.”

Me: “…with no insurance?”

Customer: “What part of ‘Yes, sir,’ do you not understand!?”

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Customer: “Hi. I have a question for you guys. I haven’t been able to log in to Xbox Live. Has there been an outage?”

Me: “Not that I’m aware of. Have you done anything while online that might have gotten you banned?”

Customer: “No. I’ve only been playing the one game and no one is even online when I check!”

Me: “I think you might have to call their tech support. They should be able to help you out.”

Customer: “Oh, all right. Anyway, I also want to cancel my pre-order for Black Ops.”

Me: “Okay. I can do that for you. May I ask why?”

Customer: “I’ve already got it.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “I already have it. Nobody’s online, though.”

Me: “Sir, are you telling me that you’ve been playing a game that hasn’t been released and that you are actively going online with it?”

Customer: “Yeah. Why?”

Me: “I think I’ve figured out why you can’t get on Xbox Live.”

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Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from [College] returning your call. What can I do for you?”

Student: “Hi, I was calling to find out–”

(A very loud noise erupts in the background: yelling, laughing, and a strange buzzing sound ensues.)

Student: *sounding embarrassed* “Sorry about that. I work at a hospital and it’s really quiet today. Everyone’s playing Operation (the game).”

Me: *laughing* “Ma’am, you just made my day.”

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Me: “Good afternoon, you’re though to [Phone Company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m trying to work an application on my phone and it’s asking me for a star sign, but you guys haven’t given me one.”

Me: “We would not give you a star sign. Those are to do with the stars and when you were born.”

Customer: “I didn’t sign up for that!”

Me: “It’s not something to sign up for; it’s to do with the constellations around the date of your birth. For example, I am a Pisces.”

Customer: “What am I, then?”

(I check online using the date of birth on record.)

Me: “You are Aquarius, the water bearer.”

Customer: “Eh?”

Me: “Your zodiac is Aquarius.”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “Never mind. You are an Aquarius.”

Customer: “So do I just put that into the phone then?”

Me: “Give it a try!”

Customer: “Will do! If I’m not an Aquarius, can I call back?”