(Overheard conversation between two old women shopping together as one puts an item in their trolley:)

Customer #1: “Oh, I want some of them. Where do they keep it?”

Customer #2: “I don’t know. I found it in someone’s trolley.”

(I work in a hotel in the centre of the city. Sometimes we offer great discounts through the website on quiet days. But you have to prepay, and to change the dates, you have to pay the night’s rate. We have quite a few scammers, this one being the worst:)

Me: “Hello, [Hotel]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I booked a room for a week at your hotel, but I got the wrong dates. I wanted August, but I booked for July.”

Me: “All right. If you can give me the reference, I can look you up.” *he tells me* “So, to confirm, you want [date] to [date]?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “All right. We can change the booking, but you will have to pay the night’s rate.”

Caller: “Hum, not sure about that. How much would it be?”

Me: “£700.”

Caller: “What? How could you charge that much? The website said it’s £350 for the week, and now you want £700 more? You can’t steal money from people like that! I’m going to call your headquarters and tell them what thieves you are!”

Me: *thinking headquarters actually decide the prices* “I’m sorry you feel like this, sir. The quote you were given is an online price, and the discount is available on some dates only. August is very busy, so the rooms are charged full price. We would be willing to offer two complementary breakfast as goodwill, but that’s the best I can’t do.”

Caller: “I don’t care about your breakfast! I want the room at the price on the website, and you should give at least one night for free for the distress you’ve caused!”

Me: “Again, sir, I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. That’s not–“

Caller: “Whatever! You’re useless! I’ll take my business somewhere else! Just refund me!”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir. You chose a non-refundable rate, therefore–“

Caller: “What?! You never said that! That’s false advertising! I’m going to sue you!”

Me: “Actually, the conditions are very clear on the website. You receive a red warning, first when you book, and then when you check out. It clearly says that the booking is non-refundable.”

Caller: “I don’t read signs, and I didn’t even book through your stupid website, anyway.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but the discount you received can only be obtained online.”

Caller: “Are you calling me a liar? I want to speak to your manager now!”

Me: “Unfortunately, she went home for the night.” *that was at about 11:00 pm* “But if you leave your phone number, I’ll make sure she’ll call you in the morning.”

Caller: “It’s [number]. She had better call me, or I’ll sue you!” *hangs up*

Me: “Okay.”

(The next morning I explained what happened to my manager. She called the customer and told him the same thing. He then proceeded to call our headquarters, and again was told the same thing. As a last resort, he posted a bad review on Trip Advisor, where my manager politely told him to read the conditions before agreeing to anything.)

(I work in a department that offers grants and loans. Recently, management has made a decision that applications will only be processed if applications have been completed 100%. Previously we’d let applications through if they hadn’t indicated how they heard about the scheme or indicated if their car was first- or second-hand. While this makes sense, I am currently trapped in limbo with a customer with the following set of emails. Please note that the customer had emailed their application.)

Me: “Unfortunately, we cannot process your application at this time as you have not indicated your preferred email address for correspondence. Please fully complete the application and return this to us to allow us to proceed.”

Customer: “It’s the email address I’m using just now.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we can only accept this information if it is on the application form. We are not able to accept this information in any other way.”

Customer: *attaches incomplete application again* “It’s the email address I’m using just now.”

(Management still wont let me accept it and we’re stuck in a loop. Whose fault is it really?)

(Overheard with no context at the library.)

Guy: “Absolutely nailing a meal deal? That’s how you know you had a really banging birthday.”

(We have a fairly strict policy about not serving drunk people. One tactic we have in place is a blanket ban on groups; i.e., if one person is unfit for us to serve, we knock back the whole group until the drunk person leaves. On Sunday, two drunk guys come in, so I say, very nicely:)

Me: “Sorry, chaps, not tonight. Another night perhaps, but not tonight.”

(They take it fine, but one of them tries to get my colleague to serve them. He says no, obviously, so the shorter of the two guys heads over to me.)

Man: “So, how come you’re saying no?”

Me: “Truthfully, you’re friend looks really unsteady on his feet, and he’s clearly slurring his speech, but as you came in together, it’s our policy to refuse the group. It’s not personal, but it’s not something I’m going to change.”

(He seems to think that was fair enough, but keeps asking for just a drink for him, asking me to explain myself again, and telling me that it is just his friend, not him. I am polite and firm, but am getting tired of this discussion.)

Man: “Besides, he’s only had three pints!”

Me: “Only three pints? All that proves is that your friend can’t drink, if that’s the state of him after three pints!”

(Luckily, he found it funny that I was making fun of his friend, shook my hand, and left. Not my most professional moment, but it worked!)