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We Really Hope These Are Not All The Same Customer

, , , , , | Right | May 13, 2020

I have been working in hospitality for twelve years and have stumbled across many hilarious and terrible customers in my time. The best ones ask the stupid questions, though.

Customer #1: “What’s the difference between the cold Guinness and regular Guinness?” 

Customer #2: “What’s in a Bailey’s Latte?”

Customer #3: “I’d like to order a pizza, please.”

Me: “We don’t sell pizzas here.”

Customer #3: “You do!”

The customer points to the menu where it says, “Panini.”

Customer #4: “Are there nuts in the pecan chocolate brownies?”

Customer #5: “I’d like a chicken tequila masala!”

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Can’t String Together What He Wants

, , , , | Right | May 11, 2020

Customer: “Can you show me a rhythm guitar, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry, there’s no such thing. Rhythm guitar is the role you play in a band or group, not the type of guitar.”

Customer: “You’re such an idiot. Of course, you can find rhythm guitars! They have four strings instead of six!”

Me: “I think you mean a bass guitar.”

Customer: “No, a bass guitar is what you play with your foot on the drum kit.”

Me: “That’s bass drum, not bass guitar.”

The customer is suddenly blushing as people around him are laughing.

Customer: “Okay, so can I check a rhythm guitar, please?”

Me: “Do you mean a six-string one?”

Customer: “No, that’s a lead guitar; rhythm guitars have four strings!”

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I Don’t Work Here, Works Lovely Here

, , , , , , , | Right | May 10, 2020

I was shopping in a high street clothing shop when I overheard a conversation between a girl in her twenties and an older lady who clearly had problems with her vision. Both were customers but the younger woman was beautifully dressed so the older woman assumed she worked there.

Instead of walking away or being rude to the older woman, the younger of the two patiently helped the older woman with her shopping, reading labels and even finding another size on the rack for her.

After years working in hospitality and dealing with all kinds of awkward customers — and often coworkers, too — it was really lovely to see someone just being a decent human, helping another person out, and not making a big deal of it.

This story was included in our May 2020 Inspirational Roundup.

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Unable To Iron Out The Problems With That Thinking

, , , , , | Right | April 2, 2020

(I work for a multinational clothing chain. The customer’s daughter purchased a jacket in the UK and went back home to Tenerife where she lives. She discovered that the security tag was still on it.

The annoyed daughter demands some kind of compensation for the hassle as she needs to take the jacket to the store in Tenerife to remove the tag and is really unhappy about the whole situation. Her mother has called to complain and was asked to send the receipt in.)

Me: “Good morning, and welcome to [Chain]. How can we help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I need to speak to [Manager]; she’s a manager there. I’m supposed to send her a copy of my receipt but I’ve done a very stupid thing… I’ve ironed it and now it’s black and burnt!”

Me: “You’ve ironed it?!”

Customer: “It was all crinkled up! I wanted it to be smooth when I took a picture of it!”

Me: “Well… uh… okay, let me speak to [Manager]. What’s your name?”

Customer: “[Customer].”

(I give the manager a quick call.)

Me: “Hi, [Manager], I have a customer who was meant to send a receipt in to you. She’s called [Customer].”

Manager: “Oh, yes, she said that her daughter bought a jacket, but the tag was still on it; she says her daughter is unable to take the jacket back to the store in Tenerife as she is not close to the store and her daughter does not have the receipt with her to prove she has bought it, but [Customer] does. She was really, really unhappy about it, so I advised that she scan us a copy of the receipt and we would look into it further and maybe get a gift card for the value of the coat to be sent out. I said that we would only do this if she provided us with proof of purchase though, as it’s a goodwill gesture.”

Me: “Oh, well, funnily enough… She wanted to let you know that she is so dumb, she has… ahem… ironed her receipt you asked her to send in and it’s now all black and burnt.”

Manager: “Ha! What an idiot! I was being nice offering her that, anyway; I normally wouldn’t have! What a fool. Okay, well, we can’t help her without a receipt. It was a goodwill gesture but on the condition that she sends that in. Nothing we can do without it!”

Me: *laughs* “Okay, well, I shall enjoy telling her!”

(I take a deep breath and try to control my laughter and feign sympathy.)

Me: “Hi. [Customer], I’ve just spoken to [Manager] and I’m really sorry, but she says that without the receipt, we’re not able to take this further, I’m afraid.”

Customer: What?! But that jacket is £80! It’s not our fault your store left the tag on!”

Me: “I know and I’m really sorry about that, but unfortunately, we’re now unable to help any further, as we cannot see on our records how much the jacket was or when it was purchased.”

Customer: “Well, I’m very disappointed; you’ve just lost a customer!” *click*

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The Kids Want Some Chicken Nuggets, Ketchup, And A Nice Bottle Of Cabernet

, , , , , , | Right | March 21, 2020

(I work in a small supermarket in a rather upmarket area of Edinburgh. Like most British supermarkets, the store has a policy where if a cashier thinks you look under 25 and you are buying alcohol, they should ask for your ID. My boyfriend and I are waiting in the queue and we overhear an argument going on at the cash desk. A very posh, spoilt-sounding young woman is arguing with a cashier and the manager because she was trying to buy alcohol and didn’t have any ID with her. The poor cashier who was originally dealing with her is standing looking terrified in the background while the manager is speaking to her. The woman has two young children with her.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, madam, but if my staff member has asked you for ID and you do not have any, the law states that they or I cannot sell the alcohol to you.”

Woman: “This is ridiculous! I’m in here practically every day and no one has ever asked me for ID before! I have a five-year-old and a six-year-old; I have to be over 25!”

Manager: *extremely patiently, but getting more and more annoyed* “I cannot change the law just for you. As I said before, if you cannot produce any ID when my staff member asks you for some, then we cannot legally sell you alcohol.”

Woman: *turning to her children* “How am I supposed to buy them their supper now?!”

(She stormed out of the shop with her children, huffing and puffing as she left, and leaving a fairly large pile of groceries on the counter. My boyfriend and I spent our entire walk home wondering why on earth not being able to buy alcohol would prevent her buying ingredients to make supper with! It’s not like the cashier was saying she couldn’t buy any groceries without ID.)

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