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Don’t Mess With A Browncoat

, , , , , , | Right | December 3, 2012

(I work in a movie/TV memorabilia store. Most of the stock is sci-fi related. A boy approaches my station.)

Boy: “Excuse me, you sell stuff like Klingon to English dictionaries, right?”

Me: “We surely do. There are two in stock at the moment.”

Boy: “Okay, so then do you have a dictionary for Firefly to English? I’m like, obsessed with it… I’d like to know what the people are saying when they speak the space language, so I can say I know everything!”

Me: “Oh, it’s not actually a made-up language. They’re speaking Chinese.”

Customer: “Eh? They are not. It’s a space language. It’s set way in the future and everyone lives in space. Have you never seen it?”

Me: “I have indeed. I’m a big fan. I assure you they speak Chinese.”

(The boy looks surprised and then laughs loudly at me.)

Boy: “You’re a lassie. Isn’t Firefly more for guys? There’s loads of fighting and stuff. You can’t know that much about it. Why the h*** would space-folk speak Chinese, then?”

(I pull my keys from my pocket, from which dangles my Serenity spaceship key-ring.)

Me: “I also own the DVD box-set, the graphic novels, cast posters, two T-shirts, and several other bits and pieces. I’ve even met Jewel Staite. The characters speak Chinese sometimes because, after the war, America and China were the only remaining large power countries, who came together to form The Alliance. The culture-fusion resulted in a mixture of both English and Chinese being the commonly spoken tongues.”

Boy: “You just made that up. You don’t even know. I know far more than you. Who’s Jewel Staite supposed to be, then?”

Me: “She’s the actress who plays Kaylee!”

(A second customer in line who has been listening with interest suddenly pipes up.)

Customer #2: “I thought you knew everything about the show? Quit being such a tool and let me pay for my stuff already.”

Boy: “But I just want a Firefly dictionary! This stupid cow won’t help me!”

Customer #2: “You’ll find a Chinese to English dictionary in any big bookshop. Now if you’ll leave the poor lassie alone, you gorram a**, that’d be shiny!”

(I can’t help but laugh and the boy flips us both off, then storms out, kicking a display as he goes. I smile at the second customer.)

Me: “Thanks for that, mate. Always nice to get back-up from a fellow fan.”

Customer #2: “No problem. That boy was a total sha gua.”

(I gave the customer a free Firefly keyring like mine for that. Note: ‘sha gua’ is Chinese for ‘fool’.)


This story is part of the Movies & TV roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Stories About 3D Movies And The Customers Too Dumb To Figure Them Out

 

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Pet Yourself In My Shoes

, , , | Right | September 28, 2012

(A regular customer has come into our pet shop with her pet hamster in a carry box. Apparently, she is on his way to put her hamster to sleep as he is very ill. She has dropped in to buy him a last treat for the journey. As she makes her way to me to pay, another customer stops her to look in the box. This other customer is a woman in her thirties with a baby in a stroller.)

Customer: “Oh, you have a hamster. How cute! Can I pet it?”

Regular: “Um, I’m sorry, but he’s not well. I’d rather not take him out.”

Customer: “What’s wrong with him? Surely a wee pat isn’t going to hurt him?”

Regular: “He has a tumor in his tummy, and it’s started to cause him discomfort. We’re on our way to the vet.”

Customer: “Aww, the poor thing! Please let me show my friend. She’s in the shop and she loves hamsters!”

(Suddenly, the customer tries to take the carry box from my regular, alarming her. I quickly make my way over to them.)

Regular: “Excuse me, but this is my hamster! He’s old and sore, and I’m taking him to be put to sleep. The last thing he needs is for a stranger to manhandle him!”

Customer: “If you’re going to have him killed anyway, you should let my friend see him first! She loves hamsters!”

(At this heartless statement, my regular begins to cry. I decide to take a risk and teach the woman a lesson. I take hold of the customer’s stroller handles.)

Me: *to the customer* “My coworker just LOVES babies. Can I take yours away to see her?”

Customer: “Excuse me?! Leave that alone! What gives you the right?!”

Me: “But I want my co-worker to see your baby.”

Customer: “I don’t care! That’s my child, and you’ve no right to touch my buggy. I don’t even know you! Why don’t—”

(Suddenly, a wave of realisation hits the customer and she stops mid-sentence. She then swears at me, takes the stroller back and storms off, all the while refusing eye-contact with my regular, who is still crying. I had to get my manager to tell her what happened. Although I technically had to be written up, my manager was sympathetic and the poor regular got the treats for free.)


This story is part of our Hamsters Roundup!

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Trouble’s A Cold Callin’

, , , | Right | February 7, 2011

It is 2011:

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from [Company Name]. I’m calling to see if you would be willing to take part in a survey about the recent swine flu outbreak?”

Woman: “This is a Sunday morning. How dare you call me?!”

Me: “I’m very sorry to have bothered you.”

Woman: “Give me your number and we’ll see how you like being called on a Sunday morning.”

Me: “Ma’am, I work on a Sunday morning. You can call, but I won’t be there.”