Take Out, Out Take

, , , , , | Working | March 5, 2019

(I currently share an office with [Coworker #1], and [Coworker #2] sits just outside. [Coworker #1] is having some problems with a project and has been asking me to put her out of her misery for a few hours.)

Coworker #1: *sighs* “[My Name], I need you to just take me out.”

Me: *immediately* “Sorry, you’re not my type.”

(There was a moment of silence before [Coworker #2] started laughing and [Coworker #1] decided to just ignore me.)

They Missed The Joke, Too

, , , , , , , | Related | January 6, 2019

(My mom and I have just left a restaurant, and we notice that the weather has changed when we get outside.)

Me: “Oh, it’s raining. Well, not raining, more like misting?”

Mom: “I missed you.”

Me: *confused* “I missed you, too?”

(Thirty seconds later, once we get in the car…)

Me: “Oh! You mist me!”

Mom: “Did you really just figure that out?”

Me: “I’m going to blame the food.”

Unfiltered Story #110330

, , , | Unfiltered | May 8, 2018

(I’m the customer in this story. My car needs to be fixed, and I’ve already made an appointment with my mechanic to go in the next week. The next day, I’m talking to my manager and we decide that given the current work load, I should try and get my car looked at this week instead of next week. I call my mechanic to reschedule and get everything sorted, and then hang up.)

Me: “Uh-oh…”

Coworker: “What did you do?”

Me: *starts laughing* “I forgot what day my appointment is! Is it tomorrow or Friday?”

Coworker: “You just called!”

Me: “Oh god, I’m going to have to call him back, he’s going to laugh at me…”

(I called him back and he laughed the entire time!)

Bleeding Puns

, , , , | Healthy | November 20, 2017

(I’m in the ER with some potential heart issues. At one point, I get a very nice lady in to draw some blood, and she’s joined by a coworker who’s about to go off shift. My elbow veins aren’t cooperating, so I have to get blood drawn from the back of my hand as well. It goes faster after that, and soon, the lady who’s leaving heads out, then pokes her head back in the door.)

Phlebotomist: “Thanks for letting me stick around!”

(My mom and I couldn’t stop laughing. Definitely made the whole visit bearable!)

Unfiltered Story #100115

, , , | Unfiltered | November 14, 2017

(At the company I work for, we get emails sent out at the end of each day letting us know about coworkers who have gotten engaged, resigned, promoted, etc. We also have a mentoring program for our first year, and many of us keep in touch with our mentors after the year ends.)

Coworker: *after receiving an email about her mentor giving birth* Oh! I didn’t know she was pregnant!

Me: I mean… she’s not anymore!