It’s Enough To Give You A Tick

| Columbus, OH, USA | Right | April 20, 2011

(A customer walks in with several trash bags full of clothes to be cleaned.)

Me: “Okay, sir. I’ll need to sort and count all these items before I can give you a price. Would you mind opening that bag while I work on this one?”

Customer: “Why would I do your job?”

Me: “Of course, sir.”

(The customer watches silently as I sort, count, and fold over forty items, including clothing, bedding, and towels. Essentially, I am touching his clothes with my bare hands for over twenty minutes.)

Me: “Okay sir, your total comes to [price]. We’ll have them cleaned for you tomorrow after four.”

Customer: “You can’t clean them sooner?”

Me: “Is there a specific reason you need them sooner?”

Customer: “Yeah, my kids have head lice. That’s all their contaminated stuff. They won’t have anything to sleep on tonight.”

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Irregular Regulars

| | Right | May 4, 2009

(At the dry cleaners where I work, an elderly woman comes in nearly every day. We think she has something wrong with her mentally, but she’s a sweet lady.)

Customer: “Hi, girls!

Me: “Hello again!”

Customer: “It’s a very nice day today, I’ve just been on a walk!”

Coworker: “Yes, looks bright and sunny!”

Customer: “The sun has made me tired, I feel like I need a nap…”

Me: “That’s a good idea, why don’t you take a nap?”

Customer: “Okay!”

(She takes me literally and lays down right there in front of the door.)

Coworker: “Um… how are people going to give us their clothes for cleaning?”

Customer: “I don’t know.” *doesn’t move*

Me: “Can you please move?”

Coworker: “Please, we need to keep the doorway clear.”

Customer: “But I really like it right here!”

Me: “Wouldn’t your bed be so much more comfortable?”

Customer: “Oh, I guess so.”

(Lady gets up, takes some more mints for her coat pocket, and shuffles out the door.)

Me: “See you tomorrow!”

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Way, Way, Way Too Much Information

| | Right | November 10, 2008

Caller: “I was wondering what stains you can get out of fabric? Can you get everything out?”

Me: “What is the stain, exactly?”

Caller: “Well, I was watching this woman on telly and I got a bit excited–”

Me: *cuts him off* “–Oh yes, we can get THAT out.”

Caller: “Do you want to know who it was?”

Me: “Ummm…”

Eavesdropping coworker: *grabs phone* “Ooh yes, tell us!”

Caller: “Dolly Parton. She really does it for me!”

(All unusual customer requests from that day forward were known as ‘Dolly Partons’.)

 

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