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Stop And (Meno)Pause For Thought

| Seattle, WA, USA | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body, Money

(Every month my store has items that are free after rebate. This deal is extremely popular so sometimes we run out of the items. A customer walks up to me with an ad paper and points to one of the free after rebate items.)

Customer: “I am looking for this item.”

(It was very obvious to me that English was not this gentleman’s first language. I also knew we were running low on that particular item.)

Me: “Well, sir, I can show you where it would be if we have any left. Follow me.”

(I bring him over to cosmetics area where the display was.)

Customer: “Why are we in the ladies department?”

Me: “Ah, well, sir, the item that you pointed out to me is a product for ladies.”

Customer: “Item is free after rebate, yes?”

Me: “Sir, I have to ask. Do you know what the item is for?”

Customer: “It’s free.”

Me: “Yes, it is free after rebate. But do you know what the product is used for?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “This product is a lubrication for ladies that have gone through menopause.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “It is a lubricant for women who are older and can’t have children anymore.”

(He stares at me totally shocked.)

Customer: “I don’t want that!”

Me: “I thought you might not. You have a nice day, sir.”

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Turning The Age All The Way Up To Eleven

| FL, USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(A man in his 70s walks in the front door. He seems very friendly as we exchange hellos.)

Customer: “Young man, can you help me find some decongestant?”

Me: “Absolutely, sir, follow me!”

(I show him where it is and ring it up for him and send him on his way. He comes back in three minutes later.)

Me: “You’re back!”

Customer: “Yes, I’m afraid I have to return this. It’s for 12 and over.”

Me: *not really understanding the problem* “Oh, no problem. But aren’t you over 12?”

Customer: “No, I’m 11.”

Me: “You’re 11?! Jeez, you need to lay off the cigarettes or something…”

Customer: “No, no, I misspoke!” *laughing* “The medicine is for my 11-year-old dog! I showed this to my wife and she said she wouldn’t give him adult medicine!”

Me: “Oh! Yeah, let me return the money for you and show you where the children’s decongestant is.”

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On The Cliff-Edge Of Acceptable Humor

| Austin, TX , USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Popular

Me: “How are you doing today?”

Cashier: “Well, you know, some days are okay and some days you want to jump off a cliff?”

Me: “Oh, honey, don’t do that. Push someone over first, so you have something to land on when you fall.”

Cashier: *grins*

Finally Gets The Massage Message

| South Bend, IN, USA | Rude & Risque

(We’ve had a man call several times trying to engage in sexual conversation.)

Man: “Do you carry massagers? Like personal massagers? The kind for female pleasure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Man: “Could you suggest one?”

Me: “I can not.”

Man: “Oh! Are you a virgin?”

Me: “No, I’m asexual.”

Man: “A… sexual?”

Me: “Yes, it means I get no pleasure from sexual stimulation, or even from talking to perverted men on the phone.”

Man: “Oh…” *click*

(He hasn’t called back.)

The Price Of Dishonesty

| PA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Money

(Our store is running a sale on certain cereals. I had just finished ringing up a customer who purchased some, and have told her the total.)

Customer: “Wait, that can’t be right. The cereal is two for $4!”

(After double checking the register, I look inside the flier.)

Me: “Oh, sorry. These boxes are 18 ounces, and the sale’s only for the 13 ounce boxes.”

Customer: “No it isn’t! They’re the same price over there.”

(The different sizes having the same price was news to me, so I follow her over to the aisle to find that while only one was on sale, both had the same price.)

Customer: “See? This is just dishonest!”

Me: “Well… that seems strange, but only the smaller one is on sale.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re doing something this dishonest! I’m reporting this!”

(She takes out her cell phone and begins taking a picture of the price tags.)

Me: “Giving them the same price seems weird, but how is it dishonest?”

Customer: “Because they have the same price! What’s the difference between these two?!”

Me: *confused* “This one’s five ounces larger, but not on sale?”

Customer: “Forget it, I don’t want them anymore.”

(We return to the counter, where a line has started to form.)

Me: “All right, then. That will be [total].”

Customer: “That’s still not right! This item is supposed to be a dollar!”

(She marches back to the shelf and shortly returns.)

Customer: “Never mind, it was the item next to that one that was on clearance.”

(I needed manager approval for all the voided items, so I handed her money back while I started handling the other customers. When we later closed the register, we found it was short by the exact amount she owed. Apparently, she made the manager think I’d held on to her money. For how much she talked about dishonesty…)

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