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Turning The Age All The Way Up To Eleven

| FL, USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(A man in his 70s walks in the front door. He seems very friendly as we exchange hellos.)

Customer: “Young man, can you help me find some decongestant?”

Me: “Absolutely, sir, follow me!”

(I show him where it is and ring it up for him and send him on his way. He comes back in three minutes later.)

Me: “You’re back!”

Customer: “Yes, I’m afraid I have to return this. It’s for 12 and over.”

Me: *not really understanding the problem* “Oh, no problem. But aren’t you over 12?”

Customer: “No, I’m 11.”

Me: “You’re 11?! Jeez, you need to lay off the cigarettes or something…”

Customer: “No, no, I misspoke!” *laughing* “The medicine is for my 11-year-old dog! I showed this to my wife and she said she wouldn’t give him adult medicine!”

Me: “Oh! Yeah, let me return the money for you and show you where the children’s decongestant is.”

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On The Cliff-Edge Of Acceptable Humor

| Austin, TX , USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Popular

Me: “How are you doing today?”

Cashier: “Well, you know, some days are okay and some days you want to jump off a cliff?”

Me: “Oh, honey, don’t do that. Push someone over first, so you have something to land on when you fall.”

Cashier: *grins*

Finally Gets The Massage Message

| South Bend, IN, USA | Rude & Risque

(We’ve had a man call several times trying to engage in sexual conversation.)

Man: “Do you carry massagers? Like personal massagers? The kind for female pleasure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Man: “Could you suggest one?”

Me: “I can not.”

Man: “Oh! Are you a virgin?”

Me: “No, I’m asexual.”

Man: “A… sexual?”

Me: “Yes, it means I get no pleasure from sexual stimulation, or even from talking to perverted men on the phone.”

Man: “Oh…” *click*

(He hasn’t called back.)

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