Finally Gets The Joint

, , , , | Right | July 31, 2010

(A customer enters the shop and smells strongly of marijuana.)

Customer: “Can I get a pack of cigarette papers?”

Me: “Sure. Do you need any loose cigarette tobacco?”

Customer: “Why would I want that?”

Me: “For the cigarette papers.”

Customer: “What? You can make cigarettes with them?!”


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Don’t Hold Your Breath For This One

, , , , | Right | July 16, 2010

(I am counseling a patient on using an inhaler.)

Me: “Do you know how to use an inhaler, sir?”

Patient: “Nope, never used one.”

Me: “Okay, you’ll want to begin inhaling, and then depress the inhaler as you are breathing in. Then, hold your breath for as long as possible to allow the medication to be absorbed into your lungs.”

Patient: “Oh, sort of like smoking pot…”

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A Smokin’ Deal

, | Right | September 28, 2009

(A customer comes to me with a package of brownies with a “Special!” sticker on the top.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Why are these brownies ‘special’?”

Me: “They’re the bakery’s special of the week. They’re on sale now through Saturday.”

Customer: “So, there’s nothing different about them?”

Me: “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Customer: *winking* “They’re not… ‘special’ brownies?”

Me: “Oh! No, sorry, they’re just normal brownies.”

Customer: “Never mind, then.” *sets down the container and walks away*

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A High Credit Limit

, , , | Right | September 2, 2009

(A customer comes up to the register at about 11 pm, looking a little out of it.)

Customer: “Hi, how much is a double cheeseburger?”

Me: “With tax, it comes to $1.46.”

Customer: “Oh… okay…” (Searches through his pockets and comes up with 63 cents.) “Can I pay with this much cash and the rest on debit?”

Me: “Sure, that’s no problem. I’ll have to do the debit portion first.”

Customer: “Normally, I’d pay with the whole thing on debit, but I just bought a bunch of pot and I don’t know what’s left in my account.”

Me: “How did you manage to buy pot with your debit card?”

Customer: “Oh, man! My dealer is so great! He just got one of those portable debit machines! He comes right to my house!”

Me: “Well, if you could just swipe your card…”

Customer: “Oh, no! I didn’t protect my PIN. What if you saw it?”

Me: “Don’t worry, sir, I was over there. I wasn’t even watching, and I have a terrible memory.”

Customer: “Okay, well, it’s 6969. That’s my favorite number!”

(After leaving with his food I had to chase after him, as he had left his debit card in the machine.)


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Yeah, Definitely Contraindicated

, , , | Right | April 21, 2009

(A patient walks up to the pick-up window looking like he just came from the emergency room.)

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I wanna drop this off…” *hands me an ER prescription*

Me: “Sir, this is the pick-up window. You need to drop off the prescription at the drop off window.”

Customer: “Where’s that?”

Me: “The counter at the entrance to the room with the big sign that says “Drop Off Window’.”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: “You know, you already waited in line so I’ll just take the prescription here. Have you ever had any medication here before?”

Customer: “I don’t know; have I?”

Me: “I’ll take that as a no. Do you have any allergies to medication?”

Customer: “Well, when I mix heroin and battery acid, I get a rash.”

Me: “…I’ll make a note on that.”

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