D’ohpe, Part 2

, , , , , | Legal Right | January 12, 2011

(I’m a criminal lawyer at a free legal service. I am talking to a client on a DUI.)

Me: “…so, after the guilty plea I make submissions to try and minimise the penalty.”

Client: “You want an excuse or something?”

Me: “Well, actually there’s no excuse or defense under our law, but maybe if we submit your circumstances we can ask for the lesser end of the penalty.”

Client: *in all seriousness* “Well, tell them I wasn’t thinking straight cause of all the dope I’d smoked.”


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Stone Baked Goodness

, , , , | Right | December 16, 2010

(I answer a phone call from an obviously high customer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. Will this be for dine-in, take out, or delivery?”

Customer: “Do you guys have any specials?”

Me: “Yes, right now we have an extra-large pepperoni pizza for $12.99.”

Customer: “Woah! That’s a great stoner pizza! Wait, did I say that out loud?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: “Awesome!”

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Finally Gets The Joint

, , , , | Right | July 31, 2010

(A customer enters the shop and smells strongly of marijuana.)

Customer: “Can I get a pack of cigarette papers?”

Me: “Sure. Do you need any loose cigarette tobacco?”

Customer: “Why would I want that?”

Me: “For the cigarette papers.”

Customer: “What? You can make cigarettes with them?!”


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Don’t Hold Your Breath For This One

, , , , | Right | July 16, 2010

(I am counseling a patient on using an inhaler.)

Me: “Do you know how to use an inhaler, sir?”

Patient: “Nope, never used one.”

Me: “Okay, you’ll want to begin inhaling, and then depress the inhaler as you are breathing in. Then, hold your breath for as long as possible to allow the medication to be absorbed into your lungs.”

Patient: “Oh, sort of like smoking pot…”

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A Smokin’ Deal

, | Right | September 28, 2009

(A customer comes to me with a package of brownies with a “Special!” sticker on the top.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Why are these brownies ‘special’?”

Me: “They’re the bakery’s special of the week. They’re on sale now through Saturday.”

Customer: “So, there’s nothing different about them?”

Me: “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Customer: *winking* “They’re not… ‘special’ brownies?”

Me: “Oh! No, sorry, they’re just normal brownies.”

Customer: “Never mind, then.” *sets down the container and walks away*

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