Weird Times, Man… Weird Times…

, , , , , | Working | July 17, 2020

My boyfriend works as a delivery driver for a third-party company for some extra money. He’s out for his shift and he sends me a text. This happens during the quarantine, so all restaurants that are open are takeout or delivery only.

Boyfriend: “OMG, I just got an order for [Restaurant] and went in and it smells like weed in here.”

Me: “OMG, lol.”

Boyfriend: “Like, badly.”

Me: “I guess they’re feeling the stress.”

Most places are operating with only two or three employees at a time.

Boyfriend: “Probably, but not like they’re in any rush to get orders out ever.”

A few minutes go by and he messages me again.

Boyfriend: “There’s a lady in here and she’s like sleeping. Must be high af. Like, a worker.”

Me: “Wow.”

He came home later and told me that it was the hostess who was bringing orders out from the kitchen. She apparently fell asleep standing up at her podium for about five minutes before the phone rang and startled her awake. I’m wondering if because it’s a barbecue place, they thought the pit smoke would somehow cover up the weed smell? Either way, not the best idea.

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He Wants To Look High In The Sky

, , , , , , | Right | June 9, 2020

I work for a large electronics store, generally helping people with placing or looking up their web orders. One night, just as I’m finishing my training, a guy calls in, clearly high and super giggly.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; how may I help you?”

High Guy: “Do you sell telescopes?”

Me: “Umm, I can look for you… Yes, we do!”

High Guy: “What kind? What is the brand name?”

Me: “[Brand] only, but we have about a dozen different ones!”

High Guy: “How much are they?”

I run through a few prices.

High Guy: “So, how far into space can they see? Like, can I see the stars up close?”

Me: “I’m not too sure. You might want to talk to talk to our electronics department to find that out.”

High Guy: “So, like, can I see into my neighbour’s apartment? She’s hot.”

Me: “I wouldn’t advise that, no.”

High Guy: “I’m in California; would you ship here?”

Me: “Unfortunately, no, as you’ve reached [Company]’s Canadian branch. I can transfer you to the USA line if you like, though!”

High Guy: “You are so awesome. Transfer me. I want a telescope!”

I really hope that whoever got him on the US line was as amused as I was.

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Can’t Get The High Numbers

, , , , | Right | May 25, 2020

I’m trying to find a price match for a customer that already seems to be a bit off. Our online system is acting up and I’m without a cellphone.

Me: “Now, if you type in the barcode into your phone, it will pull up the item, and I can see what I can do.”

As I try reading the barcode, he tries to read it out loud, as well. After a couple of false starts, I try to speed things up a bit.

Me: “I’ll read it out for you. Sorry about that.”

Customer: “That’s okay. I’m f****** high.”

Me: “Ah. Okay.”

Customer: “And I don’t care if anyone knows.”

The rest of the transaction went by fairly normal as I tried not to laugh.

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A Bath Bomb Of Realization

, , , , , | Right | May 17, 2020

Marijuana is still illegal in the US. I work for a bath and body product company and part of my job is to take orders over the phone. This call is going pretty normally with the customer choosing some bath bombs and asking questions about the products, until…

Customer: “Hey, do any of your bath bombs have weed in them?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “Not even CBD oil?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “Well, how come? I thought you guys were up in Canada? Isn’t it legal up there?”

Me: “Yes, we are, and yes, it is, but we’re a cosmetics company. We don’t have a license to sell cannabis.”

Customer: *Surprised* “You need a license for that?”

Me: “Yes, just like a liquor store. Also, I’m pretty sure that even if we did, it’d have to be a Canada-only thing. US Customs would get grumpy with us for sending pot over the border.”

Customer: “Oh. Yeah, I suppose that’s true.”

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He’s A Few Stamps Short Of A Letter

, , , , , | Right | March 5, 2020

(I work in the copy area of a well-known retail chain. This takes place at the mailing drop-off section of the store, which I am also responsible for.)

Me: “Hello, sir! What can I help you with?”

Customer: *stares*

Me: “Um… sir? Can I help you?”

Customer: *stares*

(It is at this point I get a strong waft of cannabis smoke from the direction of the customer.)

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: “So… I had this package come to my house.” *pause*

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: *stares*

(After a lot of this, I manage to get enough responses from him to glean that he’s looking to pick up a package that was meant to be delivered to his house.)

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we don’t have that service here. If your package is being held by [Packaging Service], then it would be at one of their stores, not at a drop-off. You can call them if you want to see if they have it.”

Customer: *stares*

Me: “Um… here.”

(We keep the locations of the two nearest stores on printed scraps of paper, as customers often come in for packaging services we don’t offer.)

Me: *offers him one of the slips* “Here are the two nearest stores and their phone numbers.”

Customer: *stares at the slip* “Where are those?”

Me: “Um… we keep them under the counter but you can just have this one.”

Customer: *stares, and then proceeds to reach under the counter to the stack of scraps*

Me: “Sir!” *shakes slip* “You can just have this one!”

Customer: “No…” *incomprehensible mumbling*

(After much fumbling, he pulls a slip out from the middle of the stack, spilling the ones on top of it onto the floor.)

Customer:This one…” *stares at it*

Me: “Um… okay… Well, they should be able to help you.”

Customer: “You sure?”

Me: “Well, it’s your best bet.”

Customer: *stares*

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

(I walked away. He stared at the spot where I had been standing for a solid three minutes before unsteadily wandering off.)

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