This Happens With Alarming Regularity

| Pennsylvania, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I finish a transaction for a customer and hand him his receipt.)

Me: “Thank you! Have a nice day!”

Customer: *eats receipt*

Me: *stares, speechless*

Customer: “It’s a good source of fiber!”

Don’t Fake With Me

| New York, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Underaged

(I work at a drugstore. When someone comes in with a fake ID, we can refuse to sell to them, but we can’t actually confiscate the fake. A teenage girl walks up to the counter.)

Teenage Customer: “Just this, please.”

(She puts a pack of Budweiser on the counter.)

Me: “May I see your ID?”

(She hands me an ID that is obviously fake; the state is spelled wrong.)

Me: “What year did you graduate high school?”

Teenage Customer: “Um…”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell to you.”

Teenage Customer: “F*** you, you little ****! Just give me the f***ing beer!”

Me: *deep breath* “Listen. I have had a very, VERY bad day. You can leave quietly and take your fake along, or I can call call the police and they’ll come arrest you. Which would you prefer?”

Teenage Customer: *turns red, grabs her fake and runs out of the store*

I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 3

| Florida, USA | Extra Stupid

(I used to work at this drugstore store before I left to have my child; note that the bathrooms have a lock on them to avoid theft. This take place almost two years after I’ve gone. I’ve stopped in to have lunch with a former coworker, and have my daughter in a stroller when a customer walks up to me.)

Customer: “You! I need to be let into the bathroom.”

Me: *confused* “Okay…”

Customer: “Well, aren’t you going to let me in?!”

Me: “I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me. I’ve seen you here before!”

Me: “Well, I used to work here, but that was almost two years ago.”

Customer: “So, are you going to let me in?”

Me: “I can’t. I don’t know the code.”

Customer: “But you work here!”

Me: “Sir, no I don’t. I haven’t worked here in almost two years. They change the codes every six months.”

Customer: “You’re just being lazy and don’t want to work!”

Me: “Why would I be at work with my kid?”

Customer: “Don’t play games with me. Just open the d*** door!”

(At this point, an assistant manager who I know walks over.)

Assistant Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “Yes! This lazy b**** won’t do her d*** job and open the bathroom up!”

Assistant Manager: “She doesn’t work here, and you need to watch how you speak to people.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

Assistant Manager: “Now I have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “YOU CAN’T KICK ME OUT!”

Assistant Manager: “Yeah, I can. The bathroom is for paying customers only.”

Customer: “Then I’ll buy something!”

Assistant Manager: “That ship has sailed. I suggest you go next door to the fast food restaurant.”

Customer: “I’LL SUE YOU!”

Me: “For what exactly? Badgering another customer because you have some delusion that we are keeping the bathroom all to ourselves?”

Customer:“You can’t talk to me like that! I DEMAND she be fired!”

Assistant Manager: “You want me to fire someone who doesn’t work here?”

Customer: “WHY WON’T ANY OF YOU DO YOUR JOBS?!” *runs out of the store, screaming about the bathroom*

Related:
I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 2
I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here