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Grandma Won’t Let The Lube Slide

, , , , | Right | November 8, 2019

(I’m working the register at a drug store that’s part of a national chain. Our store is pretty well known for printing receipts that are as long as your arm, with coupons relating to many prior purchases, for our members. I’m checking out a young woman. She enters her phone number for the membership, then freezes.)

Customer: “Actually… could you take that off?”

Me: “I’m sorry? I haven’t started scanning yet. Which item do you want me to take off?”

Customer: “I can’t use that membership.”

Me: “Ma’am, it was a valid membership. You’re fine to use it.”

Customer: “No… No, please just take the membership off.”

Me: “Are you trying to cancel your membership? It doesn’t automatically renew, so if you’re not interested in continuing, you just need to wait until it expires on its own–“

Customer: *very red-faced* “This is a family account, okay? My grandmother’s on it. I can’t apply the membership.”

(I follow her gaze down to see that, among her items, she’s got several packs of condoms and a bottle of lubricant. The penny drops. Our algorithm being what it is, whoever comes in and uses her membership number will start getting coupons for those about a month later.)

Me: “I’ll just cancel the sale and we can start over, all right?”

Your Number Two Is Not Our Number One Priority

, , , | Right | September 11, 2019

(I am in a local chain drug store. This store has no public bathroom, something I am very aware of since I have a small child. More than once we have had to go to the grocery store on the other end of this small strip mall for a potty break. As I am shopping, I become aware of a woman talking to the store employees. This conversation happens over several minutes as she follows employees who are stocking shelves.)

Customer: “Where is your bathroom?”

Employee: “We do not have a public bathroom, sorry.”

Customer: “But you must have a restroom you use. Where is it? I need it.”

Employee: “It’s not for customer use. I’m sorry.”

(After about the third employee tells her the same thing, the customer suddenly becomes irate and screams:)

Customer: “You need to let me use your bathroom!”

(I go to the pharmacy line and think she is gone. Then I hear:)


(She storms out down the aisle where people are waiting for the pharmacy. She seems to be walking just fine, but I am really hoping that she was lying and I get out of the store before anything further is “revealed.” I turn to an employee I like and say:)

Me: “You know, if she’d left right away, she’d have had plenty of time to get to the grocery store.”

Rudeness Trumps Legality

, , , , , | Working | August 12, 2019

I was at the main register, and a man who is a known shoplifter came up and asked to see the manager. I called the night manager over, and the man complained that he thought the manager was following him around. The manager was polite, and didn’t accuse him of anything… but the man was very angry.

The next day, he called the store manager and complained about the night manager. So, the store manager yelled at the night manager for being “rude” to a customer.

Tonight, the same man came into the store. As we were told, we did not follow him around the store. But, as he left — without buying anything — we did notice that his previously empty backpack was full, and he set off the store alarm. And now we’re missing a ton of Red Bull.   

Exchanged Deranged

, , , , | Right | August 3, 2019

(I walk to the register to check out, just as another customer walks up to the register from the opposite side, blocking my exit. The cashier starts to scan my items.)

Customer: “I want to exchange these things.”

Cashier: “That’s no problem, ma’am. Just please join the line.”

Customer: “No. I was here at the same time as her.”

Cashier: *hesitantly* “Okay. But you’ll have to wait until I finish with this lady.”

Customer: *loudly* “I was here at the same time as her! It will only take a second.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, ma’am. You’ll just have to wait.”

(Another customer joins the line behind me. The first customer is still waiting in front of me, at the wrong end of the register.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re making me wait! I just want to exchange these things! I was here at the same time as her!”

(Another manager hears the commotion and comes over to help.)

Manager: “Is there a problem here? How can I help?”

Customer: “Yeah. I want to exchange these things. I was here at the same time as her.”

Manager: “No problem, ma’am. But you’ll have to join the line.”

Customer: “You’re all just being a**holes. I’m not getting in line. And you just lost a sale!” *stalking away* “Come on, [Friend]! We’re leaving; they’re being a**holes!”

Me: “Didn’t she want an exchange? How did you lose a sale?” 

Cashier: *wearily* “I have no idea.”

Lack Of Military Intelligence

, , , , , | Right | April 1, 2019

(I’m manning the register at a chain drug store. It’s usually slow, but today two customers — a man and a woman — come in and they look over the newspapers for a while until they finally come up to me to buy one. The woman slams the newspaper onto the counter and jabs her finger at the headline. It’s something about the armed forces.)

Female Customer: “We’re in there. That’s us.”

Me: *confused, but ringing them up anyway* “In the article, the picture?” *tells them the total*

Female Customer: *starts to look upset and gestures angrily at the page* “I’m in the armed forces; I served.”

Me: *giving her her change, visibly confused but smiling* “T-Thank you for your service. Would you like your receipt?”

Female Customer: *scoffs, snatches the paper, and starts to walk away* “You have no clue what I’m saying, do you?”

(No. And to this day, I still don’t.)