Sugar Cookie Mama

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Romantic | June 8, 2014

(My boyfriend and I are walking through a drugstore after making a purchase. I work two jobs, but my boyfriend was unemployed for nearly eight months, and even now has only managed to find part time work in his field. Because of this, I’ve been paying most of the bills.)

Me: “I don’t want to go to work tonight.”

Boyfriend: “Then don’t.”

Me: “But I have to. How can I be a good sugar mama if I don’t go to work?”

(At this exact moment we walked by a store employee, a middle-aged man.)

Me: *to Boyfriend* “I NEED TO BUY YOUR LOVE!”

(The employee overhears me and starts laughing hysterically, which then makes us laugh.)

Employee: “I don’t know about him, but for me all it takes is a few cookies!”

Me: “Really?! D***, that’s a much better deal!”

Wouldn’t Wish Him On Your Worst Enema

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Right | May 3, 2014

(A customer wanders around drug store for half an hour, feeling too embarrassed to ask where the enemas are.)

Employee: “Hi. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Uh, I’m looking for an enema bag.”

Employee: “Oh… you want a bag? We have some bags.”

(I lead the customer to a small case full of purses in the cosmetics section.)

Employee: “Here are the bags.”

Customer: “Do you know what an enema is?”

Employee: “No…”

Customer: “I’ll ask someone else.” *leaves drug store*

Stamping Out Stamp Fraud

| NC, USA | Right | April 4, 2014

(A customer and his two teenage children come into the store at the beginning of every month, when they get their food stamps. We don’t sell a lot of food – being a drugstore – but we have basic essentials like bread and milk, and also candy. Every month, they would spend their food stamps on the most expensive candy we have. A few days later, they would return it, without the receipt, which rewards them with a store gift card. They would then use the gift card to get things they really wanted. It takes several months of the same cashier/manager combination to figure this scam out, because they try to buy and return from different cashiers at different times of the day. When we finally catch on, the next time they try to return items for a gift card, they were informed that we would NOT be giving them a gift card, nor accepting the return.)

Customer: “Why not!? I return things here all the time! I’m a regular customer!”

Manager: “You are returning food items that you bought with food stamps in order to get non-food items for free. That is a violation of the terms of the food stamp program. Goodbye.”

Customer: *as he and his children are stomping off* “Well, we are NEVER coming here again!”

(It was only three weeks until they were in the store again! Way to teach your children, Dad!)

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Living On The Edge

| Austin, TX, USA | Friendly | April 2, 2014

(I’m shopping when I see a stranger looking really down.)

Me: “How are you doing today?”

Stranger: “Well, you know, some days are okay, and some days you want to jump off a cliff?”

Me: “Oh, honey, don’t do that. Push someone over first, so you have something to land on when you fall.”

Stranger: *grins*

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Not Noteworthy Enough For A Return

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Right | April 2, 2014

(I work as a cashier in a drugstore. I see a customer come in the front door empty handed as he goes to the back of the store. He comes to me with a pricey protein pack.)

Customer: “I want my money back for that protein pack. It’s $60.”

Me: “Do you have your invoice?”

Customer: “No, I forgot it at home.”

Me: “I can’t pay you back.”

Customer: “Keep it for me. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

(The customer comes back 15 minutes later.)

Customer: “I didn’t find the receipt, but I’m going to buy it instead.”

Me: “It’s going to cost $60.”

(The customer hands me a $100 bill.)

Me: “I can’t accept that. It’s a fake.”

Customer: “No, I’m sure it’s real. How can you tell?”

Me: “You only printed it on one side, and it’s black and white.”

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