Sugar Cookie Mama

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Romantic | June 8, 2014

(My boyfriend and I are walking through a drugstore after making a purchase. I work two jobs, but my boyfriend was unemployed for nearly eight months, and even now has only managed to find part time work in his field. Because of this, I’ve been paying most of the bills.)

Me: “I don’t want to go to work tonight.”

Boyfriend: “Then don’t.”

Me: “But I have to. How can I be a good sugar mama if I don’t go to work?”

(At this exact moment we walked by a store employee, a middle-aged man.)

Me: *to Boyfriend* “I NEED TO BUY YOUR LOVE!”

(The employee overhears me and starts laughing hysterically, which then makes us laugh.)

Employee: “I don’t know about him, but for me all it takes is a few cookies!”

Me: “Really?! D***, that’s a much better deal!”

Wouldn’t Wish Him On Your Worst Enema

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Right | May 3, 2014

(A customer wanders around drug store for half an hour, feeling too embarrassed to ask where the enemas are.)

Employee: “Hi. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Uh, I’m looking for an enema bag.”

Employee: “Oh… you want a bag? We have some bags.”

(I lead the customer to a small case full of purses in the cosmetics section.)

Employee: “Here are the bags.”

Customer: “Do you know what an enema is?”

Employee: “No…”

Customer: “I’ll ask someone else.” *leaves drug store*

The Joker Of The Pack

| New York, NY, USA | Working | December 5, 2013

(I am partway through my graveyard shift in the word processing center at a nearby bank. I’ve stepped out to pick up some snacks, including a six-pack of a hard-to-find brand of soda that only this chain seems to carry.)

Cashier: “Oh. You can’t buy a whole six-pack of this. You have to buy just one.”

Me: “What?”

Cashier: *sternly* “You can’t buy the six-pack. You have to buy just one.”

Me: “Why would that be?”

Cashier: *suddenly smiling* “Oh. I was just messing with you!”

(The cashier rings up the six-pack. I stare in sullen silence.)

Not Part Of The 99 Per Cent

| Glendale, AZ, USA | Right | November 19, 2013

(I’m currently working the front checkout and a man walks up to purchase his items, I scan all the items and bag them.)

Me: “That will be $19.86.”

Customer: “That’s way too much. You must have scanned it wrong.”

Me: “No, everything is there.”

(I then show him the screen so he can see.)

Customer: “That can’t be right. If that is $5.00, and that is $3.00—”

Me: “But it isn’t. They are $5.99 and $3.99—”

Customer: “Hold on! Let me show you.”

(The customer gets a pen and paper from my checkout and starts adding it up.)

Customer: “See, $5.00 plus $3.00 plus $7.00 equals $15.00. It’s showing up wrong.”

Me: “But it is $5.99, $3.99 and $7.99. It makes a difference.”

(By now, several other customers are waiting, so I pull out a calculator to show him.)

Me: “$5.99 plus $3.99 plus $7.99 plus sales tax comes out to $19.86.”

Customer: “Well, you NEVER mentioned SALES TAX!”

(The customer pays for the items and leaves. I begin helping the next customer in line.)

Next Customer: “Well, that was dumb.”

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Size Matters On Sign Matters

| Canada | Right | November 7, 2013

(It is my day off, but have to go into work to pick up some milk. On my way in, I notice several large signs on the doors informing customers that the debit/credit machines are down. As I stand in line, I hear customer and my coworker arguing.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous! You should really put up a sign if your machines are going to be down.”

Coworker: “There are signs on all the doors.”

Customer: “Well I didn’t see them; you people should make them bigger!”

Coworker: “They’re on all the doors, and are quite lar—”

Customer: “They should be BIGGER!”

Coworker: “Well how big do you need them, ma’am?”

Customer: “BIGGER!”

(At this point the woman throws her things on the counter and storms out, flipping off my coworker in the process.)

Coworker: “I think it’s break time.”

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