Turning The Age All The Way Up To Eleven

| FL, USA | Right | March 24, 2016

(A man in his 70s walks in the front door. He seems very friendly as we exchange hellos.)

Customer: “Young man, can you help me find some decongestant?”

Me: “Absolutely, sir, follow me!”

(I show him where it is and ring it up for him and send him on his way. He comes back in three minutes later.)

Me: “You’re back!”

Customer: “Yes, I’m afraid I have to return this. It’s for 12 and over.”

Me: *not really understanding the problem* “Oh, no problem. But aren’t you over 12?”

Customer: “No, I’m 11.”

Me: “You’re 11?! Jeez, you need to lay off the cigarettes or something…”

Customer: “No, no, I misspoke!” *laughing* “The medicine is for my 11-year-old dog! I showed this to my wife and she said she wouldn’t give him adult medicine!”

Me: “Oh! Yeah, let me return the money for you and show you where the children’s decongestant is.”

On The Cliff-Edge Of Acceptable Humor

| Austin, TX , USA | Right | March 4, 2016

Me: “How are you doing today?”

Cashier: “Well, you know, some days are okay and some days you want to jump off a cliff?”

Me: “Oh, honey, don’t do that. Push someone over first, so you have something to land on when you fall.”

Cashier: *grins*

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Eyes Cream

| Germany | Working | February 28, 2016

(I am browsing the shelves in a drugstore when I overhear this dialog between a customer and an employee.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I have a question about this product.” *holds up an eye cream*

Employee: “Yeah?”

Customer: “Does this contain any oils?”

Employee: “It’s an eye cream.”

Customer: “I know. I just wanted to know if there are oils in there.”

Employee: “It’s for your eyes.”

Customer: “And I intend to use it that way. Are there any oils in it?”

Employee: “You should use this for your eyes only.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.” *puts the cream back and leaves*

Don’t Count On The Customer’s Ability To Count

| NJ, USA | Right | February 12, 2016

(I work at a popular drug store running the register. A lady comes up to me in a fast food uniform and buys some food products and cigarettes. She pays for the food with food stamps and swipes another card for the cigarettes.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, there’s $2.88 left on the transaction.”

Customer: *glaring at me and throws two dollars at me* “I want a dollar put on my other card.” *pulls out other debit card*

Me: “All right, no problem.” *manually enters that she paid $1.88 in cash, leaving a dollar left to go through on her debit card*

(She swipes her card but there’s still $.23 left on the transaction, meaning that that she didn’t have enough money in her debit account.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you still owe 23 cents.”

Customer: *starts shouting* “What the h*** did you do?! I gave you two dollars!”

Me: *taken aback* “Yes, you did, ma’am. You said you wanted to put a dollar on your debit card, so I took $1.88 out of your two dollars and was going to give you twelve cents in change. After that and your debit card, you still owe twenty three cents.”

Customer: “But I gave you two dollars!”

Me: “Okay… how about I take the twelve cents I was going to give you as change and put it towards the total?”

(The customer rolls her eyes and nods. At this point, there’s a line starting to form behind her.)

Me: “All right, now your total is down to eleven cents.”

Customer: “WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! YOU JUST SAID MY TOTAL WAS 23 CENTS!”

Me: *shocked* “It was 23 cents, but I took the last twelve cents out of the two dollars you gave me!”

Customer: “I GAVE YOU TWO DOLLARS TO BEGIN WITH!”

Me: “Yes, you did! And I took two dollars in cash off of the total, but with that and what was taken off your debit card you still owe nine cents.”

Customer: “BUT YOU SAID I OWED 23 CENTS!”

(At this point I’m in complete shock and people are starting to get impatient. The customer throws a dime across the counter at me and after I give her her penny and her receipt, she glares at me.)

Customer: “Just so you know, I KNOW how to count. You’re lucky I don’t talk to your manager and get you fired! You should just admit you made a mistake!”

Me: “But… I didn’t…”

Customer: “I KNOW HOW TO COUNT!”

This S*** Is Expensive

| NY, USA | Right | November 18, 2015

(I am the only cashier working in a fairly busy convenience store. A small elderly woman comes up to the counter with a few laxative-based items.)

Customer: *sweetly* “Can you price-check these for me, dear? I only have [amount] and I need to make sure I don’t spend too much.”

Me: “Sure!” *rings up items* “Your total today is [more than what she has].”

Customer: “Jesus Christ! How much should I have to pay to take a s***?!”

(I am taken aback by this funny exclamation, as it is coming from a sweet old lady. So, I say the only thing I can think of at the time:)

Me: “The struggle is real, ma’am.”

Customer: *sighing* “Why, yes, it is, sweetie. Can you put everything on a credit card?”

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