A Suction Reduction

| Fond du Lac, WI, USA | Right | August 31, 2016

(I am a 17-year-old girl. I’ve only been working here for a few weeks, so I’m still not sure about everything we stock and where every item is. A couple in their thirties comes up to me, looking a bit nervous.)

Man: “Do you… uh, have any little suction balls?”

Me: “Um, suction balls?”

Man: “Yeah, you know…” *he mines squeezing something like a turkey baster*

Me: “Oh! I think I know what you mean. We have suction things for cleaning babies’ noses. Is that what you want?”

(The couple exchange looks and start to giggle.)

Wife: “Well, that’s not what we’re going to use it for…”

(I turn around quickly before they can see how red my face has become. I show them what they are looking for, and after they leave I relay the story to my manager.)

Manager: “Yeah, if you’re going to work here during the evening shift you’re going to have to stop asking questions.”

Full Time Care(less)

| Omaha, NE, USA | Related | July 30, 2016

(The following is what I overhear after I let a customer use the store phone.)

Customer: “Come on, pick up the phone! You’re in a d*** wheelchair, I know you’re there! I left you upstairs for a reason!”

They’re About To Crack(er)

| Dartmouth, NS, Canada | Friendly | July 19, 2016

(While picking up some snacks at a local drugstore on my way to work, I overhear this interaction between two other customers, one male and one female.)

Male: *rudely* “I told you, it’s not there!” *goes over to another aisle and demands* “Goldfish crackers!”

Female: *already holding other items* “We’re going to need a cart.”

Male: “I TOLD you to get one when we came in here!” *storms off to get a cart, continuing to berate the female* “It’s because you got so much stuff!”

(The kicker? When I turned the aisle I realised it wasn’t a couple. It was an incredibly patient mother and her son, aged maybe ten years old!)

Be Glad You’re Not Invited

| Houston, TX, USA | Right | July 1, 2016

(Two guys, appearing to be in their early-to-mid 20s, walk up to the register. They place a box of fresh-breath strips, body hair removal cream, and a box of condoms on the counter.)

Customer: “WE’RE GOING TO A PARTY!”

Me: “I really wasn’t going to ask.”

Turning The Age All The Way Up To Eleven

| FL, USA | Right | March 24, 2016

(A man in his 70s walks in the front door. He seems very friendly as we exchange hellos.)

Customer: “Young man, can you help me find some decongestant?”

Me: “Absolutely, sir, follow me!”

(I show him where it is and ring it up for him and send him on his way. He comes back in three minutes later.)

Me: “You’re back!”

Customer: “Yes, I’m afraid I have to return this. It’s for 12 and over.”

Me: *not really understanding the problem* “Oh, no problem. But aren’t you over 12?”

Customer: “No, I’m 11.”

Me: “You’re 11?! Jeez, you need to lay off the cigarettes or something…”

Customer: “No, no, I misspoke!” *laughing* “The medicine is for my 11-year-old dog! I showed this to my wife and she said she wouldn’t give him adult medicine!”

Me: “Oh! Yeah, let me return the money for you and show you where the children’s decongestant is.”

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