(It’s been snowing for the last few days, and the roads are making travel difficult.)

Customer: “Boy! Those roads are horrible!”

Me: “Yes, sir, so I’ve heard.”

Customer: “I don’t know why anyone would be out in this if they didn’t have to be!”

Me: “I agree. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Oh, I need some cigarettes and lottery tickets.”

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(The following is what I overhear after I let a customer use the store phone.)

Customer: “Come on, pick up the phone! You’re in a d*** wheelchair. I know you’re there! I left you upstairs for a reason!”

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Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I came in a couple of hours ago to pick up my pictures, and my wife says we’re seventeen pictures short! This always happens when we come here! Is it really so hard to keep track of one f****** order?”

(The customer continues to rant for several minutes, getting louder and more obscene. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I was in there an hour and a half ago and the dumb*** in front of me left seventeen pictures on the counter that I accidentally took home with my pictures. What kind of moron leaves pictures on the counter?”

(I hand the phone to the irate customer.)

Me: “It’s for you.”

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(I work in the beauty department and a customer comes up to me).

Customer: “I need a face wash for my son that will get rid of the semen on his face.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Are you deaf? He is too oily!”

Me: “You mean sebum?”

(The customer turned the brightest shade of red and ran out the store.)

Customer: “I need a rain check.”

Me: “All right, what do you need it for?”

Customer: “Old, rotten potatoes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you right. Would you please repeat that?”

Customer: “Old, rotten potatoes!”

Me:” I don’t believe we sell those.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. I saw them in the sale flyer!” *points to a flyer which says ‘Au Gratin Potatoes’*

This story is part of our Tongue-Tied Customers roundup!

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