Thank You, Dr. Frankenstein

| Right | April 8, 2008

(I was helping a regular customer who had wandered in–as he did daily–from the nursing home across the street.)

Old Man: “You’re working again?”

Me: “Yes, every day.”

Old Man: “You know what? Every time I see you, there’s a big smile on your face.”

Me: “What can I say, I love my job.”

Old Man: “Yes, you have a wonderful smile. You’ll make a good looking corpse.”

Me: “…”

(He got a wide berth after that.)

1 Thumbs
4,040

Math-uh-matics

| Right | March 3, 2008

(We’re selling tons of over-the-counter, store-brand medications at buy one, get one free. I ring up a lady who has two bottles of cough syrup with her. She keeps a stern eye on the cash register monitor as I check them through.)

Lady: “That’s not right.”

Me: “What isn’t?”

Lady: “The coupon says buy one at $6.99, get the other one free.”

Me: “Precisely. You’re getting both of these for $6.99.”

Lady: “But one’s ringing up as $3.50 and the other at $3.49.”

Me: “That’s correct. The register divides these differences automatically.”

Lady, growing fidgety: “But that’s not what the COUPON says.”

Me: *after a pause* “Well, $3.50 plus $3.49 is $6.99.”

Lady: “So this is how you scam customers!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m pretty certain that we here at [drugstore chain] do not scam our customers when even basic math can rule out any differences.”

Lady: “I only want one. Put this other one back, I don’t want it. I’m not paying an extra $3.49 for this. The ad said buy one, get one free, and I’m not getting that one for free.”

Me: *head-desk*

 

1 Thumbs
2,753

Pyromaniac In Aisle 11

, | Right | February 21, 2008

Customer: “What the f**k, you shortchanged me!”

Me: “Ma’am, I gave you the exact amount of change that is on the receipt.”

Customer: “BULLS**T! YOU SHORTCHANGED ME YOU STUPID LITTLE F**K! I DEMAND THAT YOU GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I will go get a manager for you right away.”

Customer: “F**K YOU, YOU LITTLE PIECE OH S**T! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS. YOU WILL PAY!”

(At this point the customer began to storm down the aisles. She lit a cigarette and began setting merchandise on fire. Afterwards she ran from the store because she realized that she had in fact had gotten the right amount of change!)

1 Thumbs
3,155

The IQ Is Weak In This One

, , | Right | December 14, 2007

Me: “Congratulations! Because you’ve spent over $30 on our beauty products you can receive a complimentary tote bag. Would you like it in black or brown?”

Customer: “What’s a tote bag?”

Me: *holds up bag* “It’s a bag. Rather large… You can put things in it. It comes in black or brown.”

Customer: “Oh, well, that’s nifty, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, it is, ma’am. Would you like it in black or brown?”

Customer: “How much does that cost?”

Me: “Normally, $14.99, but yours is complimentary because you spent over $30 on beauty products.”

Customer: “Oh, I wouldn’t pay $15 for that!”

Me: “You don’t have to pay for it.”

Customer: “Why not?”

(Other customers are beginning to become aggravated by this woman’s stupidity so I call up another cashier.)

Me: “…because it’s complimentary.”

Customer: “Oh, why’d you call up [Coworker]?”

Me: “Because the other customers are waiting.”

Customer: “Waiting for what?”

Me: “Waiting to pay for their items. Now, would you like your free bag or not?”

Customer: “I don’t like your tone, young lady!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m just a little late for my break. Now, would you like your FREE tote bag?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s free?”

(This exchange went on for about ten more minutes, as the woman had to go through about five different cards until she found one she could use… making me fifteen minutes late for my fifteen minute break. Rest assured, she eventually learned the meaning of complimentary.)

1 Thumbs
3,457