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Beyond Help

, , , , | Right | July 19, 2012

(I’m at the pharmacy picking up some toothpaste, and I overhear two women standing behind me in line.)

Customer #1: “Uh God, this is so slow.”

Customer #2: “I know, and I hate these self-check-out things. I wish they would have a cashier, a real cashier, just one, for those of us who don’t want to use these things.”

Me: “Ma’am. They do have a cashier. She’s right over there. See those people?”

(I point to the side of the store where a cashier is checking out customers.)

Customer #2: “I don’t want to walk way over there!”

The Only Thing He Should Be Running Is Scared

, , , , | Working | June 25, 2012

(This takes place at a 24-hour drugstore on Thanksgiving. We’re having a big toy sale and are very busy. I’m on the top rung of a ladder pulling items for customers below me when this takes place.)

Me: “I’m so sorry for your wait, you guys. If you give me just one more moment, I’ll get everything you’ve asked for!”

Customer #1: “Oh, honey, it’s okay. You guys are so busy!”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. I don’t think we truly anticipated how busy we’d be. You wanted one ‘Cars’ fishing game and a Tinkerbell flowers fishing game, correct?”

Customer #1: “That’s right.”

Customer #2: “Well, with a sale like this!”

Me: “Can’t argue with that, sir! You wanted the flying fairy princess doll, is that right?”

Customer #2: *laughing* “Well, I don’t, but my niece will love it.”

Me: *to Customer #3* “…and ma’am, you wanted the Disney Princess tea set. Is that right?”

Customer #3: “That’s right! Wow, you’ve got a good memory!”

Me: “Thank you! ”

(At this point, my boss, who has barely exited his office all day, walks up.)

Boss: *to me* “Hey, someone is waiting to use the bathroom. Go let them in.”

Me: “Okay, it’ll be just a moment. Where’s [Coworker]?”

Boss: “On break.”

Me: “But they’ve only been here 45 minutes.”

Boss: “So?”

Me: “I’ve been here six hours, and you haven’t let me take a break yet. Also, more importantly, I’m busy right now.”

Boss: “Well, that person needs to use the restroom. Go do your job.”

Customer #3: “Sir, I mean no disrespect, but clearly she’s doing her job. Do you not see her on top of the ladder? Why don’t you just let them in yourself?”

Boss: “That’s not my job. It’s my employees’ jobs…” *snidely to me* “…even if they’re trying to be lazy.”

Customer #2: *to my boss* “What is your job?”

Boss: “To make sure the store runs smoothly.”

Customer #1: “You’re doing a poor job of it.”

Boss: *turns bright red and grits his teeth* “…and just who are you to judge?”

Customer #1: “A customer.”

Boss: *waves her off*

Customer #2: *very serious* “You are NOT too good to help your employees. Just because you are in a management position does not exempt you from helping. You should go let that customer into the restroom. And after this young lady is done helping us, you should make sure she takes her lunch.”

Boss: “I make the store run! You can’t tell me how to run my store!”

Customer #2: “No, you don’t ‘make the store run.’ Your employees do. And this young lady has been running her tail off since I’ve been here. You have no idea who I am, do you?”

Boss: “Someone who has no idea how the store works?”

Customer #2: *laughs* “No, I’m [Customer #2].”

Me: *startled* “From district?!”

Customer #2: “That’s right, and I think…” *to my boss* “…you and I need to have a LONG talk.”

(At this point, I finally get to the bottom of the ladder and start handing out the items.)

Me: “Here you go everyone. Thank you so much for your patience and have a Happy Thanksgiving!”

Boss: *to me* “Just go get coworker and take your lunch!”

([Customer #1] and [Customer #3] wished me the same, while [Customer #2] — who was in fact from corporate — dragged my boss into the office for that “talk.”)

Nothing Outlasts The Criticizer

, , , | Right | April 30, 2012

Customer: “I want to return these batteries.”

(She puts an opened pack of batteries on the counter.)

Me: “Oh, so they didn’t work?”

Customer: “Yeah, they worked for a few weeks, but now they’re broken. They’re not supposed to expire until 2015!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a ‘best if used by’ date, not an expiration date.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “Batteries die. It’s just saying that you should use them before this date, not that they will last for three years.”

Customer: “You mean I have to buy more batteries?!”

Low On Sense

| Right | April 26, 2012

(I am a cashier. When customers are polite, I have no problem letting them slide on few cents when they are short on change.)

Me: “That’ll be $20.96.”

Customer: “I got $20!”

(He roughly slaps a $20 bill on the counter.)

Me: “Um, it’s $20.96.”

Customer: “I got a hundred.”

Me: “Okay, I can break it.”

Customer: “Well, it’s at my house. What am I supposed to do, go get it?! Just cover it, s***! It’s a couple cents!”

(I make minimum wage and can barely make ends meet. I also don’t open my wallet for rude strangers.)

Me: “It’s $0.96, so I’m not going to just give you a dollar. Do you want to put something back?”

(I start taking items out of his bag to show him what he can put back.)

Customer: “I need all that stuff!”

Me: “You need two packs of cigarettes?”

Customer: “Put the soup back, s***!”

(I void his soup, ring up the rest of his items, and give him his change.)

Customer: *as he’s leaving, sarcastically* “Thanks for your hospitality!”

Me: “You’re welcome! Have a nice day!”

(After he leaves, my coworker comes over.)

Coworker: *laughing* “What were you supposed to do, pay him for being an a**hole?”

Urine A Lot Of Trouble Now

, , , | Right | April 25, 2012

(A man walks to the counter and sets his item down. I grab the box without looking and scan it.)

Me: “How you doin’?”

Customer: “You tell me!”

(I look down at the box I’m holding. It reads “Urinary Pain Relief”.)